I don't get it. The whole IM thing is a bit too fast for my liking: (1) Every time I hit enter to start a new paragraph is sends. Hate that! (2) Why would I IM instead of just emailing a person and go back and forth that way? What's the added bonus? and (3) How do you exit an IM conversation gracefully? It seems abrupt to all of a sudden think "Okay, I've had enough of you I'm out of here.

And David, why are you sweating whilst IMing. That's disturbing on so many levels.

I'm sweating because I am an adult child of an alcoholic--a happy adult child of an alcoholic, mind you. The main symptom I suffer is that I am absolutely petrified of making someone wait.

In the case of IMing, it's making someone wait while I capitalize letters, correct misspellings and tarry over whether to make that a period; or a semi-colon.

And asking me not to do this stuff is like telling a cabinet maker to simply "slap something together." He or she won't, CAN'T do it if he or she has any self-respect.

I'm developing a counterintiutive theory: Professional writers can't IM.

Not, at least, without a headband.

Yeah, but what about younger professional writers. They seem to do it just fine. It just seems so wrong to send an IM with misspellings to me, but that doesn't stop many of them. Are we old???? Don't answer that too quickly.

Hi. I'm a Gen X-er. I enjoy IM-ing at work to get quick, easy answers. But your reaction to IM-ing is similar to my response to nearly every single friend of mine saying "why don't you text?" The answer: because I don't want to HAVE to respond to you 24 hours a day!

roula

Roula - but why send an IM for a quick easy answer instead of an email. Am I wrong in thinking that either one requires you to be at the computer anyway?

I think there are three levels of tolerance for technology:

• E-mail. I reply when I want.

• IM. I reply IF I want.

• Text. I reply no matter what.

I don't think the texters HAVE a sense of privacy or separation from others. The Chinese, who are used to living in crowds, don't have a word for "privacy." The texters don't either. Yes, they probably do. It's probably "prvcy."

I'm just trying to keep hold of my soul while living in the fast-chatting world.

This is exactly why I have a cell phone that does one thing and one thing only -- serves as a telephone. No video. No text messaging. Am I a Luddite? No. Am I afraid of technology? No. Can I figure it out if I want to? Yes. I just don't want to.

Dave, I believe there's a feature on MyRagan that allows you to be there in sort of "stealth" mode -- you're on but nobody knows it, so they won't IM you.

When did the world forget that technology serves us and not the other way around?

Geesh! If I didn't know better I'd think you people belonged to one of the organized religions with all this guilt and angst!

Personally, I don't give a rat's ass whether its email, IM or texting - if I've got better things to do I'm not answering you and you can deal no matter who you are (ok - unless you're my Mother but mercifully she can barely email so I'm pretty safe). So there!

And I used to be Catholic - so if I can shake off the guilt I've got faith (ha ha get it?!) that you guys can do it too!

Seriously, Kristen--if your boss IMs you you're happy as a clam to simply reply, "No"? No baggage associated? If that's true, you should start your own religion and tell us how you do it. I'd be in the front row every Sunday.

Just got off the phone with my sister in law who works for a big computer outfit. She says the best thing to do when you're IMed by someone you don't want to talk about is simply not answer, so they may think you're away from your machine.

It's the equivalent of crossing to the other side of the street when you see Old Mrs. Crabapple coming.

I guess it works. But I used to only have to sneak around in the street. Now I have to do it at my quiet desk. Damn it!

David - Ok, I guess I'm just lucky, my boss doesn't IM, and even if she did, she splits her weeks consistently between Toronto and Chicago and she has two teenaged kids, so she probably wouldn't be expecting me to immediately respond to her even if she did send an instant message.

Still, point taken. Mea culpa, Mea culpa

Kristen

I'm one of those people who immediately sets the "away message" when I log on to my home e-mail. I'm not sitting there waiting for an IM to pop up. If I'm online, I'm working or e-mailing friends and I don't want an IM popping up (even if it's from my daughter). If you want to communicate with me online, send me an e-mail - that's my philosophy.

And for those rare times when I do IM, I'm very slow because I punctuate, edit, etc. In other words, everything I do in composing an e-mail. (Just like I'm doing now in this blog post.)

I'm with you on the cell phone, Robert. Mine only makes and receives calls. And yes, David, I know you don't even have a cell phone - so why would anyone think you'd welcome the intrusion of an IM?

I have had somewhat of a similar reaction these last couple of weeks when someone on MyRagan sends me an e-mail saying this person "wants to network with" me. Ummm. What does that really mean? Sounds like a blind date. Sounds like I'm committing myself to a relationship. I'm not ready for that! Can't we just talk first? Get to know each other a little? Am I supposed to just hop into a network with people I don't even know? It's moving too fast! Sheesh. I never used to feel old and out of touch. I'm the early adopter in my crowd. Or so I thought.

Damn it Kristen, I was really hoping you had true inner peace. My search for a religion continues ....

Middletown eh? Depending upon where your dad lives you were only about 10 - 20 miles from my home. If you would have let me know your dilemma I could have set you to talk to my daughter about texting and IMing.

Usually, her cell phone starts beeping with incoming text messages within a few moments of her getting home from school. (Even though she swears she doesn't do it, I just know she has been texting on the drive home). Then it's down to my wife's office to do IM while she does her homework AND listening to music she's playing on her Nano.

The one thing she doesn't seem to do too much of is talking on her phone.

I've asked her about why her friends and her text/IM instead of phoning and she looks at me like I'm a clueless sap. But I'd bet she's spill her guts if someone else would ask her the question.

Go figure.

What about the "three martini lunch" faith??

That's always worked pretty well because even if it doesn't fix your problems it at least makes you forget about them!

Kristen

David, you do have a religion. Golf.

Golf is a vengeful God.

Craig, is there any chance you could put your daughter onto this blog and have her weigh in? I'd love to hear from her.

Jazmac, believe it or not I have the same question about "colleagues" on MyRagan, though not the same sensitivity. As a longtime pundit, I pretty much see the whole communication world as my colleagues, so it's no big deal for me to let them into my network.

But I can see your point and I will get an answer to your question: What exactly am I agreeing to when I say "Accept" to someone named "slickster" who wants to be my friend.

Hope to get back with answer soon, to post here and maybe, too, at MyRagan.

From internal MyRagan guru Josh, on the "Colleagues" thing; seems to me the only downside of accepting too many friends is you might get too many messages. But if they're moving, you don't have to carry their couch up three flights of stairs:

****

Myragan is the big network. Its 2,000 strong. Within that, each person has the own little network. And their profile page is like their own web site. By adding a friend you are letting them in your mini network. It will make more sense when the site gets bigger. Here are some benefits to having friends....

#1 When you try to send a message from YOUR profile page. Click on
messages on the top nav. You will see your inbox. After you write a message and want to choose who you want to send it to, only your friends pop up. (Of course you don't have to send it to all of them, but they narrow your choices.)

#2 In groups, you can ONLY invite your "Friends."

#3 Imagine this site grows to 10 thousand. Having a group of friends on your profile page makes it quick and easy to locate people just like you. Say you are interested in blogging and just moved to Dallas. You can search the entire database to find people who use blogs in Texas. By making them your friend, the next time you someone who blogs from Texas, you can find them on your profile page. Also, that person is more likely to respond to you if you have added them as your friend in the past. They are no longer a stranger.

When choosing a friend it's important to select someone who has similar interests or has expertise in a field you would like to know more about.

>>Craig, is there any chance you could put your daughter onto this blog and have her weigh in? I'd love to hear from her.<<

I'll run it past her when our paths intersect next (I think briefly tonight) and see if she is willing.

Where to start?

FRIENDS: B.M. (that's Before MyRagan), I didn't go to MySpace and was barely registered at LinkedIn, so I didn't know what Friends meant--and I've been wondering what the prize was if you had a lot. I'm still not sure how to "use" my Friends, but I did learn how to delete one the other day who had slipped past my shillster sensors!

IM: I'm with David but I'm also guilty of using it. Yesterday I IM-ed a woman who was a stranger but has become an interesting Friend through MyRagan and myu own blog. I did it in the middle of the work day (my office is at home, but I don't know about hers). Why did I do it? Because it occurred to me that I could, and I wanted to see how the thing worked. It was a dumb impulse. I'm assuming she got to make the choice, and she chose to IM with me. I kept it short but I might very well have interrupted an important train of thought for her, and I'm feeling bad about that. I guess I'm just a tech whore after all: dangle it in front of me and I'll try it.

TEXTING: I'm with Robert. I carry a cell phone that's only a phone, and a laminated strip of paper on which I printed, in very small type, the phone numbers I use the most but not enough to have them memorized. At my previous job, the secretary thumbed in all the numbers I needed, but now I have to do it myself, and one night of trying taught me to despise all the work and decisions it takes.

INSTRUCTIONS: It would be nice if MyRagan had instructions for those of us who are inclined to use all the features of MyRagan but are NOT experienced at MySpace or LinkedIn.

I wish we had IM at work, because it would reduce the number of one-line emails like, "Thanks!" and "Okay." I have to delete those from my email inbox. With IM, they would disappear on their own.

Also, as someone said earlier, IM is for immediate dialog, as when the customer is waiting for an answer and you have to find someone who is sitting there ready to answer.

I do occasionally text message from my phone; mostly to remember why I don't want to text message from my phone. But at times, it has been useful, like last week when I was sitting in my daughter's band recital.

I enjoyed her flute, while keeping tabs on my son's pitching and hitting--thanks to a friend sitting at the baseball game, who updated me via text message. Sure, I could have answered the phone and talked with my friend to get the same information, but I'm older and slower now, and can't dodge my wife's flying elbows as well.

Could I have waited until I saw my son to get the report? That's worse than taping a sports event and watching it later. If you hear the final score, you don't want to watch. With my son, you don't hear the final score, and you barely get more than a grunted, "I did okay."

Hey Tom--

So you're half-ignoring your daughter's horribly dull flute concert to get details of a baseball game that your son can't be bothered to tell you about?

Why don't you just blow off the whole thing and go sit in the bar and watch the Cubs game? That's what I'd do.

Meanwhile, we're all holding out for Craig Jolley's daughter, who may or may not be willing to tell us all how to deal with her and her generation and their texting, IMing ways.

Cowering in Chicago,

David

But hey, Craig's daughter--no pressure.

Because the Cubs game would be even more "horribly dull" than the band concert--until the pitcher would walk in the winning run. My son's games usually are interesting--Kevin would be more conversational, except that he's going through that "teenage angst" period that should only last another 7-8 years. Maybe Craig's daughter could text or IM the Cubs pitching staff and tell them why it isn't a good idea to throw a low breaking ball with the bases loaded and a 3-2 count.

David,

One of the things that's different about MyRagan versus other IM platforms (like Yahoo or MSN) is that the people who can IM you aren't preapproved. On Yahoo, the only people who IM me are on my Friend list...and I have to approve their request to join my list. So when they IM me, it's because they're one of a select few who know they won't really be interrupting me. And if I can't talk, I can tell them so and they'll understand. When I'm in the office, there are certain friends I'd rather have an IM "conversation" with for 10 minutes, rather than disrupt my cubefarm mates with too much chatter (at least more than I already do).

As for texting on my cell phone, I do that too. It's particularly helpful when I'm trying to meet up with people in a crowded bar, ballpark, train station or Vegas casino, where I couldn't hear a damn thing through the phone anyway.

Kasia

I am the brick thrower David mentions.

And my IM-ing you is really a compliment, David. You are so good at returning e-mails that I was worried you hadn't gotten back to me. I IM because I care.

This debate makes me chuckle. As a Gen Yer, I only see IM-ing as another way to communicate, not the primary vehicle but another way. If someone IMs me and I don't want to talk, just like when someone calls me, I answer and promptly tell the person I'm busy, I'll get back to them. It's as easy as that.

And as for this proofreading question ... I get paid to write, which then makes me a "professional writer," and I don't hesitate to crank out an error riddled IM message. I consider it a conversation. If I'm talking, face to face, with you, David, I'm not terribly concerned about perfect grammar. Just as when we IM.

My advice to the Gen Xers and above, lighten up ... otherwise I'll throw a brick threw your window.

>>But hey, Craig's daughter--no pressure.

But I'll keep reminding her.

Hey David,

I was just on the site, looking at the pages of all my "friends" and it suddenly occurred to me that given your ambivalencs about the whole "IM-ing" thing, you may want to talk to the techies about the little dancing man that appears under your picture when you're online that says "I'm Online!" "IM ME!" (there are actually exclamation marks too, I didn't add those in)

You can hardly blame people who go in for that sort of stuff when the cute little man is emphatically encouraging them to IM you!

Kristen

Well, this is only MY problem, Kristen. Have you also noticed how young many of the people are on this site? They're all young, chuckling goofs like Michael who don't have mortgages and who feel entirely comfortable telling anyone in the world, in a clumsy stream of typo-ridden prose, they're busy and they'll get back later.

I was one of those goofs once. I'm just not one of those goofs anymore. I'm the old guy with the tuition to pay, just tryin' to hold onto what I've got.

Chuckle on, chucklers. You'll be me some day. And who'll be chuckling then?

Note to self: Don't IM that old, cranky, debt-shackled curmudgeon David Murray.

UPDATE: Don't know what happened but only the last sentence of my last post appeared!

Anyway, I don't know if I can be encouraging that my daughter will show up here anytime soon. I reminded her again last night that inquiring minds want to hear from her and got THAT look = "You're getting to be a real pain."

Oh well, I tried.

Craig, that is a hilarious and fitting end to this whole conversation.

Generation Y COULD help me: If they gave two shits.

So Craig's daughter HAS set us straight.

I can just see her applying for a job some day and being turned down as the interviewer puts two and two together and realizes she's "Craig's Daughter." Poor thing. Can we blame her for not wanting to play with us crotchety old farts?

Eileen,
Yes, we are old.

TTFN,
Jul

I'm Gen X, but I use IM all the time because I like the potential for an immediate response, and it feels more personal than email or text. I like being connected. But don't worry, David... I'll never try to contact you via IM again...

Virgie, you and I will get along beautifully.

I've used IMing since 1995 (I don't think I qualify as Generation XYZ), but only with people I know, that is, family, friends, and those I've "met" online. I don't IM strangers or the easily/moderately easily irritated.

If someone doesn't want to be IMed, they generally go into hiding, depending on the capabilities of the software. (I do it most of the time.) Also, I appear to be online 12 hours or more a day, even while I'm sleeping, which most people understand.

It's a good way to have a non-threatening, real-time conversation with someone you want to have a conversation with (which, granted, may not be your publisher on a day off). It has additional benefits for those of us who have some hearing issues, and those of us who can't keep down our inner introvert.

I'm not sure what the advantages are over the phone for those who prefer that route. Over e-mail, it's just easy to keep inputting into the same box than to keep replying to e-mails. I've done that with some people who finally said, "Let's take this over to iChat" or whatever.

This is a great conversation. It shows that we are collectively struggling with a great question -- now that we have all these new communications technologies, what is the social (and business) etiquette for using them? This is also an iterative process. As we figure out how we want to use the technologies, they sometimes need to change to serve those modalities of use. The person that pointed out the dancing man and exclamation marks next to IM ME has a great point...

I use IM all day long. I have IM accounts on all the major services. I utilize the status message capability of these products to let people know if they can bother me or not. I only allow people to connect to me if I know them and they are a friend or business colleague.

So why use IM? I think of communications as being about a continuum of presence and interactivity. Here are the four extreme points on the grid:

Not Present / Not Interactive -- Web page

Present / Not Interactive -- Presentation

Not Present / Interactive -- email

Present / Interactive -- IM

This is boiling it down to a level of simplicity that will cause some wags to drag out corner cases and counter-examples. But I am trying to make a core point here about why IM is different. If I see that you are present and available and I have an urgent need for a response on an issue, I will use IM instead of email. The signal:noise ratio is much lower in IM so you are more likely to notice my urgent need and reply.

Do we need better etiquette? Do the tools need to continue to evolve to serve these needs? Absolutely! But is IM already a critical business tool? It is for me.

I view IM as kind of a phone/email hybrid. I personally like IM better because it allows me more time to consider my response than on the phone. A delay is far less uncomfortable online than it is on a phone call.

I also like that it isn't as intrusive as a phone. For example, David seems like an interesting guy, and might make a good friend, but I'd never dream of calling him out of the blue. I would, however, take a chance on IMing him. He can respond right away if he likes, but ignoring me is also OK, because, after all, it was basically a cold call and he may have no interest in talking to me. So he ignores my message, it's only wasted a couple of seconds of his time to click "delete," and it's better than being hung up on.

I would never ignore your message, Virgie. But I'd prefer a call out of the blue.

I love all these technologies. I think that as we use them, we get to know the conventions and accept them.

For example, using instant messaging, sometimes the person I'm talking to just sort of disappears. This means that there's been an interruption; it isn't a personal affront; I can go on with whatever I was doing, whether it's near a computer or not, and if we connect again later, great, if not, that's okay too.

At work it's just quick. Many of us don't check email all the time, but the IM notification will flash at the bottom of the screen and I can answer if I'm available. We use an internal IM here at work, and it's been great when I'm troubleshooting something and need someone to work with me on the fly who's at a different location or has different application rights/authorities than I do, or to get a quick answer to something I'm being asked in a phone conversation. In our retail locations, the front desk staff use it to let customer service reps know that a customer is waiting for service.

For myself, I ignore all capitalization and much punctuation when IMing, as it's just not necessary. I've learned not to "talk" while my conversation partner is typing--waiting my turn clears up most of the IM confusion. And if my boss IMs and I don't answer, all I have to do is follow up with a "sorry I missed you, couldn't talk right then," the same as I would have done if he had phoned and I hadn't answered.

As to text messaging--I love it as well. My daughter and I use it all the time to relay quick messages without the interruption of a phone call. Ditto with my boyfriend. We don't have to go through all the front-end voicemail stuff, but can instead go directly to the message and see what's up.

As someone pointed us, technology is here to serve us, and it does. But the conventions are a little different than regular conversation or correspondence, and take a little getting used to. I find all these options to be liberating.

Oh, btw, I'm a 50-something, so I'm not convinced that this is a generational issue.

...Joan