The last time I went to a bachelor party the stripper didn't show up. So I no longer go to them. (Yeah, right, Will -- you no longer go to them because you're old.)

Will

Ah...Frosty's...Beer Barrel...Mr. Ed's...Boat House...Crescent...Round House...names that conjur up all sort of pleasant (and some foggy) memories! You obviously are an experienced visitor of the "Key West of the North."

Does your experience include Lonz's Winery? For many years I ran a "guys" weekend at Put-In-Bay. Lonz's was always one of the highlights because invariably there would be a bachlorette party in full swing at the patio out back where the band played. It was always good for getting propositioned which was a real ego boost.

We also ran the annual "Put-In-Bay Open" golf tournament at the ratty 9-hole course near the state campgrounds. (Don't know if it still exists). Everyone had the same handicap - you had to use the set of clubs the owner gave you which might have been a driver, putter, and 3-wood or three irons or some other combination of 30 year old clubs.

We also had some unique traditions given the, ahem, condition we usually were in when we played...such as the rule that you received an automatic mulligan if you could catch your drive or you could take 2 strokes off at the infamous "beer can hole" and hit the green using a beer can for a tee.

The whole island can be best summed up by the Round House tagline: "Innocent looking, isn't it?"

Craig, I've been there once; the golf course is still there, and it's still the most charmingly informal course I've ever seen. As for Lonz's, I believe it actually collapsed a few years ago under the weight of too many people with bellies too full of Chateau Crapeau.

I'm getting too old for this shit; but so is everybody else who seems to frequent Put-Inn Bay, so I'll feel at home to the extent that I feel anything at all.

Good luck. Here's an encouraging word, but I won't swear on its accuracy. Someone told me that a new study shows that drinking (alcohol) does not kill brain cells. It must just make brain cells sleepy.

David,

I guess you might call me a "lurker," as I've been reading your blog for some time but haven't felt as compelled to comment as I am today. My not-entirely-unique take on the dreaded bachelor party is that as an openly gay man with many straight friends, I'm still inexplicably invited to events like these.

I can recall several where I've sat in the corner quietly nursing my 11th drink while avoiding eye contact with anyone removing articles of clothing. My partner's 39-year-old cousin is getting married in August and I'm invited along to the "guy's weekend" in Montreal, where, luckily, if debauchery is to be had it comes in every stripe imaginable.

I pray for us both.

Don

Yes, the Lonz's front terrece collapsed 7 years ago, unfortunately taking about 100 people with it when it crashed into the basement. I believe one person was killed in the collapse.

It was a sad passing of an institution. No longer (I suspect) do absolute strangers board the ferry to Lonz's only to be transformed into best friends, singing '60's TV theme songs (Brady Bunch, Flintstones, F-Troop were regular staples) at the top of their collective lungs on the return trip.

Chateau Crapeau? Was that the name of it? Sounds way to fancy. All I remember is that the first bottle had to be choked down, the second bottle "didn't suck too bad," the third bottle was pretty good, but the fourth bottle and beyond was the elixir of the gods!

Dear Don--

I am straight. But on the rare occasions when life leads me to see a woman wrapped around a pole in a g-string with a bunch of fat-assed, sunburned golfers around her, I turn completely and so far temporarily asexual (and was once even asked by a stripper, "are you gay?").

So in this situation, I DO know exactly how you feel. OUT OF IT.

THIS STRIPPING THING IS SO CAMPY!

JESUS!

So why do straight men do it? Is it a bonding thing?

Diane, I think you're on to something. It's kind of like shooting pool or throwing darts along with your beer drinking -- a spectator sport not unlike watching a football or baseball game. Definitely a guy thing.

Will

Will, I'm so antisocial that any form of mass bonding (especially the female variety, e.g., Mary Kay parties) utterly eludes me. I think I even dreamed about it this morning. David seems to be a social animal, however, so he'll survive.

If you want to avoid the rowdy bachelor party attitude move to mainland Europe. It's practiced in the UK in similar fashion to the US, but to a much lesser extent in France, Italy, Portugal, Spain, etc. where drinking is not the main event of the French equivalent called "l'enterrement de vie de jeune garcon". Can't vouch for Germany though -- never did it there. Drink lots of water in between beers -- flushing through better.

I survived! I didn't get home, though, so I'm typing this from my pal's computer in Cleveland.

Here was my secret to Bachelor Party survival: Don't join the crowd that starts at 10:00 a.m. Take a group golfing (yes, Craig, the little course is as charming as ever), take a plane ride over the island, ride a motorcycle around the island--anything that keeps you from soaking in booze all day.

Murray's Bachelor Party Secret--and sweet Jesus, I hope I never have to use this again--Don't drink early; it'll make your Monday much less surly.

David - this early on a Monday morning, after a full weekend of "bachelor partying" and you can still make a rhyme? - not bad!