I spent a year as a full-time employee communication consultant. I hated the job for a hundred reasons, but probably the most immediate reason I got out was, in corporate meetings, I always felt like I couldn't breathe.
My best talent—hell, it's my only talent—is that I'm good at loudly and clearly expressing the reality of the situation. In corporate life, the most important talent is to use language that clouds and mutes the reality of the situation. As we'd say in the corporate sphere, "I wasn't a good fit, and I had to go in a different direction moving forward."
My pal Steve Crescenzo had a great blog item about the term "devil's advocate" a little while back and his readers contributed a flood of horrible corporate hedge words.
Three I didn't see were "unprofessional" (what exactly is that?), "inappropriate" (if I knew what that was, I'd still be in consulting) and my personal favorite:
"I'm not comfortable with ...."
Instead of saying, "I don't like your plan and I'll be damned if I'll carry it out," it's "I don't think I'm comfortable with that. ...."
To which I always want to respond: Who ever said your comfort was the end-all-be-all, Baby?
Shades readers, I want to create a lexicon of "Words Only Cautious Corporate Cowards Say." Steve got us off to a great start. What are your faves?
Comments (6)
Robust.
I worked in a managed care organization in which the marketing communication "professionals" referred to their every effort as "robust".
For example, "We're planning a robust campaign to increase market share."
Oh, really. And how shall we measure your robustness? Just what the hell do you mean by "robust?" I never got a cogent, sensible answer.
Posted by Les Potter | October 4, 2007 6:06 PM
Posted on October 4, 2007 18:06
That's a gem, Les. The sad thing is, I bet there's a consultant out there whose making some bread claiming to measure the robustitude of your marketing program.
Posted by David Murray | October 4, 2007 6:31 PM
Posted on October 4, 2007 18:31
Recently I was encouraged to "socialize" a great idea I had with the senior staff. Apparently it isn't enough any more to just suck up the courage to spit it out and let it sit there, damp and naked, trembling all alone in the middle of the boardroom table as you wait for a reaction. It seems that now it's a more enlightened approach, involving a series of double-dates over dinner and a movie, perhaps ending in a nightcap at a favorite watering hole on the way home. And then what? Do you swap keys with an initiative they've been asking you to implement and hope that everyone has a swell time?
Posted by Kathy Schmidt | October 4, 2007 6:49 PM
Posted on October 4, 2007 18:49
Impactful. I see that used fairly regularly in my company (not in any messages that I have a hand in, of course). "The marketing campaign was very impactful." Um, what happened to effective? That's what they always mean.
"Challenge" and "opportunity" referring to places we need to improve. "There are many opportunities for us in 2008." You'd think that means there are a lot of new things waiting for us to take advantage of in 2008, but what it really means is that there are a lot of things we're not doing well.
Posted by Andrea S-R | October 8, 2007 8:08 AM
Posted on October 8, 2007 08:08
My pet is the use of "about" to rhetorically brainwash.
E.g. This plan isn't about taking money from the rich and giving it to the poor, it's about redistributing wealth in an equitable manner.
Steal my shirt before you commandeer my narrative.
Tell me what's happening. I'll decide what it's all "about."
Posted by David Murray | October 8, 2007 9:14 AM
Posted on October 8, 2007 09:14
Always say yes and use it instead of no. I actually got coached on this.
Posted by Philippe Carrier | October 10, 2007 2:32 PM
Posted on October 10, 2007 14:32