I've been thinking about this phenomenon a lot recently: so many people are angry and/or offended (and thus angry) ALL THE TIME. I know dozens of them. (Some of them used to be friends, but I can't stand to be around them these days. It sucks the life out of me.)

And they're everywhere on the tube: not just in sports but in unexpected places such as "Top Chef" and "Project Runway" (yes, I know: I'm so busted). Someone "wrongs" someone, and the wronged person works up a good head of steam INSTANTANEOUSLY. Their nostrils flare, they start breathing hard, the mouth starts churning f-bombs, and suddenly that roomful of gay fashion designers sounds like a Raiders locker room at halftime.

Somebody, somewhere, apparently thinks it makes for great footage, but it's not just on tv. It's everywhere. We're all angry from the minute we wake up until the minute we fall asleep, and maybe in between, too.

Here's my theory: anger's a bullshit warning. The NBA idiots, rappers, and reality show denizens who see red every 60 seconds are putting that anger on like camouflage. "You can't judge me, talk to me, or expect anything of me because I'M PISSED. That makes me right."

You've really hit on something here, Jane. We really do seem to be finding refuge in anger quite a bit these days. And, as you noted, the unfortunate consequence is that "You can't talk to me..." anger keeps us from discussing why the comment was hateful, mean-spirited, poorly considered, hurtful, etc.

As a former high school teacher (who witnessed too many deliberately hateful and unintentionally hurtful remarks), I guess I still believe discussions about those types of remarks can be a "teachable moment."

But, not if we're angry and screaming at each other...

Jane - as usual, you are wise and right on - I love that about you!

I agree that being angry precludes an actual discussion about behaviour and what's acceptable. However, I take the reason for the anger back one step further to my belief that sometime in the past 10 years we morphed into a society of people who believe "It's ALL ABOUT ME" all the time, in every circumstance large or small, and I believe that sad and unfortunate change is what has led to much of our current difficulties in living together successfully as a human race.

When I was a kid, "it's all about me" was the exception, not the rule. People did behave in generous, kind ways even when there wasn't anything in it for them just because it was the right thing to do. Now, the "me first" thing seems to be everywhere, from the person who lets a door slam in the face of a senior citizen right up to horrifying genocides in far away places.

I wish I had a solution, but all I can think of to do about this is to be kind and thoughtful to people I come in contact with as often as possible, and hope it might rub off. Even when I get angry (and I do) I really try to remember the person I'm angry with is, in fact, a person, who deserves to be treated with the same respect I would like to have given to me.

Kristen,

I think it goes back a lot further than 10 years. Back in the 1950s and early 1960s, you could hear late-night comedians make derogatory jokes about any and every ethnic group imaginable. Women were stewardesses, secretaries, gal Fridays, housewives, and ... you get the idea -- often the butt of jokes that were perfectly legitimate in their time. If people took offense to the insults they heard in person or on TV they suffered in silence. Nobody led the charge to stop it, and if they did the old-school media moguls (old white men, don't forget) would not allow the dissent over the airwaves or in the newspapers.

And then along came the 1960s with Vietnam, feminist movements, civil rights legislation, sexual revolution and a host of other socially important issues. Old-guard media began to change, and the voices of pissed off people became broadcast more often and more loudly.

At some point between then and now, it got out of control, and I believe media is much to blame. We already have media types asking if racism is the reason Obama lost in New Hampshire the other day. Of course, there is no way to prove it was or wasn't responsible, so why does there have to be media innuendo to that effect? Obama isn't asking the question, only media pundids (www.mediainfo.com/eandp/news).

No matter what the issue or news event, there is always a reporter somewhere asking folks, "Did that piss you off because you're __________ (fill in the ethnic blank)?" How else do you fill that 24-hour news hole that didn't exist back in the 50s and 60s?

Will

>>> Squealed she, "It's just like Sea World!"

That is more telling than the Tiger Woods comment. LOL

This is one thread that went a way I sure didn't expect. Everybody makes interesting points here. But the main point, Jane's point about everybody being angry and offended all the time—I don't see it. I think the TV media portrays everyone as being offended all the time, with the aid of puppets like Al Sharpton and his ilk.

I would like a description of one or two of these dozens you know, Jane, who react with outrage all the time. In my world—granted, a big part of that world is the Ragan crew and the rest is no-b.s. Chicago culture—people are amazingly thick-skinned. From where I sit, political correctness is mostly a cable news problem (like fast-disappearing pretty white girls), and not something of the actual culture.

But everybody's responses are so thoughtful here, I recognize my experience might be the exception.

Allow me - how many times have you been cut off in traffic for no reason? I mean, there's seriously no reason, there's room behind you, room in front of you, but the jerk in the next car whips in front of you and maybe even honks at you for good measure? Why?

Then there are the poor pitiful people who work in the service industry, like the cashier at the grocery store who has a customer go ballistic because the 25-cent off coupon for dish soap she handed over is expired and cannot be accepted (I'm not making this up, trust me!). Or the wait staff in a restaurant who get reamed over the most minor things, which often aren't even the fault of the server.

Those are just a couple of examples I've experienced myself. I'm sure others could come up with more.

And I have to disagree with you David that the media is the only place this "let's look for a reason to be pissed off" exists. Oh, certainly, the media has exploited and amplified the tendancy for the excellent sound-bites it delivers, but the instant outrage over minor things trend is just as pronounced in my neck of the woods as in Jane's, I assure you.

I always think to myself when I see someone throwing themselves in a righteous indignation frenzy over nothing: "Wow, doesn't being that mad make you tired? Where do you find the energy to be THAT mad, THAT often??"

Yesterday you were wondering if people hate women, and today you're suggesting that pretty white girls are a disappearing phenomenon... Dunno if you're a misogynist pedophile or just using hyperbole in the same way the cable news programs do.

Is that the key to making a living as a public figure? Making big, bold, broad statements that elicit strong reactions?

Kristen, don't get me started on people who treat service employees like crap. This freaks me out, and I tend to think it's a worse than it used to be. I'll take your word for it about the easily offended types. I got angry types in my world—plenty, including the guy in the mirror at times—just not easily offended ones. Except maybe for ....

Dana—

This is a misunderstanding, born from careless writing on my part and a reference to something we've discussed on this blog (not that I should expect everyone to know everything we've ever discussed here!). The phenomenon of cable news shows focusing continuously on "missing moms" and other pretty white girls, while ignoring less comely missing people, and victims of a thousand other more common crimes. No, I do not believe pretty white girls are a disappearing phenomenon!

To your other point, as soon as I learn how to make a living as a public figure, I will let you know.

David, I never for a minute believed that you were a prejudiced sexual deviant - but your explanation of the "disappearing white girls" does explain a lot.

Still, the inclusion of "missing moms" in any category of girls, pretty or not, is odd. Most moms, other than the teenage variety, don't qualify as girls. Maybe chicks. Or babes. Or hotties. But probably not girls.

Isn't blogging an attempt at being a public figure?

http://www.greenposse.com/kelly-tilghman-makes-history/

The first woman! Why do people hate women?

I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist.

The SeaWorld comment does kind of say it all.

Ha! Well, Kelly is like just about every man or woman who lives on the PGA tour, and everybody who makes their living playing golf: a little intellectually limited!

PGA pro David Duval read two books in five years and was characterized in all the press guides as a bookworm.

On the topic of anger: this is not to rationalize or excuse inappropriate rage (but then rage is a different phenomenon, isn't it?), but I did have a flash of insight back in the days when I worked as a legislative aide. People would call the office screaming about some problem they were having with state government, and it took me awhile to realize that they were all worked up and responding in anger because underneath it all, they were scared. They felt like there was nothing they could do to save themselves from some oppressive act of a big bureaucracy that they felt helpless against. Once I learned to calmly ask questions to find out what the underlying problem was, I found that in most cases the anger went away and there was just a regular person underneath, who was frustrated and confused and feeling really vulnerable.

That doesn't explain people cutting us off in traffic, or boiling over at a store clerk--at least, it doesn't directly explain it. But maybe under these random acts of spitefulness against strangers, we find that people are just dealing badly with frustration and fear. It doesn't excuse the behavior, and in these random encounters doesn't even give us an opportunity to work toward what's underlying it, because these people just dump their bile and flee. But I wonder if we aren't as a culture just all becoming a little more fearful, and in some people that's how it exhibits.

Joan, that sounds so on the money! One of few successful models of treatment for domestic abusers is to teach them proactive methods of overcoming their sense of helplessness. It minimizes the causes of violent rage.

When I read the "lynch" story, I wondered if there might be a generation gap here with the word lynch. When I was in high school in the early 1990s, the word lynch was misused to describe someone who had been beaten up by a gang of people. I think that's probably how the word was being used by the golf announcer. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt, anyway. I doubt she was so bold as to say on TV that she thought Tiger Woods should be hanged by the neck until dead by a bunch of young white golfers. I think people, even the good Rev., should use some common sense here.

Chuck,

Lynching wasn't just a white-on-black KKK kind of crime that we associate with the word. It was used in the old wild west to describe what would happen to you if you stole someone's horse. Lynch mobs would string a guy up just because they were too impatient to wait for the circuit judge to come and do it for them.

Say, whatever happened to the term "cattle rustler" -- another lynchable offense in the wild west? Does anyone rustle cattle anymore?

Will

Will,
I know this. Old westerns are some of my favorite movies. I was just trying to point out the fact that some Generation Xers and younger generations no longer associate the word "lynch" with some of the events that led to the civil rights movement.

I like the theory that we're angry because we're fearful. I also like the theory that we're angry because mommy and daddy raised us to think we're the center of the universe. Or maybe the cause is something else--the pace at which we're forced to live, the close ties we're forced to sever in order to live at that pace. Who knows?

I also know that different cultures have different anger levels. My ex-father-in-law seemed to ALWAYS be ranting about something loudly, but that was the culture he came from. In Italy, a country I adore, ranting is an Olympic sport, but then they slap each other on the back and kiss. Here it seems like a newer phenomenon, and it seems different. From my friends and acquaintances who go to Defcon 4 at the drop of a hat, most of it seems not malicious but more like...habit. They've forgotten everything they ever knew (if they ever knew anything) about logic, and they're thinking with their reptile brain. The reptile part of our brain has only two concerns: "Somebody is trying to eat me!" and "There's not enough food for me!" That's the feeling I get from these people. There's not enough praise/recognition/love/money in the world for them.

Of course, that could just be me having a Friday.

Lynching is not synonymous with hanging; lynching means to put to death through mob action, including, for example, burning. I want to make that clear because there seems to be an association of the word with hanging (probably from TV westerns). Those who were lynched died brutal deaths through a variety of methods, hanging being one of them.

"From my friends and acquaintances who go to Defcon 4 at the drop of a hat, most of it seems not malicious but more like...habit."

This accords with Emotional Intelligence (the book), that the (reptilian) brain gets into a feedback loop of anger.

Jane, I LOVE the reptile brain idea. I think you hit it. We're devolving. (Not that I ever heard that we evolved from reptiles, but wtf, I still like it. And what do I know about evolution anyway?)

Will, last night's episode of CSI made several references to the term "cattle rustler," but not at all in the way you might think and certainly in a way I didn't know existed. A quick Google search will reveal all.

** back to regularly scheduled programming **

I would like to fess up to being one of those angry people that you all seem to be so confused by.

Actually, what I’d really like to say is: WHY THE HELL AREN’T *YOU* ANGRY?!

I’m not talking about piddly stuff like being angry with service people, or road rage (we’ve all done both, just admit it). I’m talking about our WORLD, people. Does anyone see what’s going on?!

Here’s what makes me angry, to name just a few:
- Kelly Tilghman – YES, she makes me angry. Nobody should be paid a salary to make stupid, racist comments.
- The ridiculous, idiotic war in Iraq and the Pinhead that got us there.
- Huckabee and other freaks acting like their religion is (1) the only one, and (2) that it’s going to save our country.
- Anti-Choice protesters that require me to wake up every Saturday morning to go and protect womens’ access to safe and secure healthcare. This is 2008 for crying out loud.
- Democratic candidates that refuse to support same sex marriage (this includes Obama, Clinton and Edwards). Oh, but they DO support civil union – separate but equal, anyone?

So OK, yes the political is personal to me – I don’t know how else to live. Maybe I need to take a note from one of you who suggested “to be kind and thoughtful to people I come in contact with as often as possible,” to which I say “riiiight” – or another who said that it may be frustration and fear underneath it all, to which I say “NO SHIT!”

I would like to fess up to being one of those angry people that you all seem to be so confused by.

Actually, what I’d really like to say is: WHY THE HELL AREN’T YOU ANGRY?!

I’m not talking about piddly stuff like being angry with service people, or road rage (we’ve all done both, just admit it). I’m talking about our WORLD, people. Does anyone see what’s going on?!

Here’s what makes me angry, to name just a few:
- Kelly Tilghman – YES, she makes me angry. Nobody should be paid a salary to make stupid, racist comments.
- The ridiculous, idiotic war in Iraq and the Pinhead that got us there.
- Huckabee and other freaks acting like their religion is (1) the only one, and (2) that it’s going to save our country.
- Anti-Choice protesters that require me to wake up every Saturday morning to go and protect womens’ access to safe and secure healthcare. This is 2008 for crying out loud.
- Democratic candidates that refuse to support same sex marriage (this includes Obama, Clinton and Edwards). Oh, but they DO support civil union – separate but equal, anyone?

So OK, yes the political is personal to me – I don’t know how else to live. Maybe I need to take a note from one of you who suggested “to be kind and thoughtful to people I come in contact with as often as possible,” to which I say “riiiight” – or another who said that it may be frustration and fear underneath it all, to which I say “NO SHIT!”

Where's Cassandra when you need her? Why is it when one discusses the things that insult their soul they're accused of being an angry malcontent, and told to buck up, try harder, and make more of an effort to be pleasant?

It takes conviction to try to improve on the status quo. Learning to cope with it rarely if ever leads to any improvement.

K:

Suppose all those Americans who support your politics were as angry as you profess to be. Suppose further that everybody in America who opposes your politics are equally angry. (You do know that some conservatives are angry as hell, don't you?) We'd have a hell of a civil war on our hands, thanks in large part to the first two amendments to the Constitution.

Oh shit -- civil war brings to mind a word that's been talked about a lot lately: civility. Where did it go?

Kasia: Thanks, I'll check it out.

Will

I don't think treating people with respect and being passionately committing to changing things you don't agree with in a democratic society are mutally exclusive.

Anybody remember Martin Luther King? Civil disobedience? Sit-ins?

There's nothing wrong with being angry or disagreeing with other people or situations. Often anger is what gets someone up off a couch and involved in causes they feel strongly about.

The issue arises (in my opinion) when one directs their anger in ways that are not designed to accomplish change, but simply to lash out to make one's self feel better, less powerless, etc.

I continue to believe you can disagree with someone or something and even work to change a situation without disrespecting or insulting the people/structures involved. I know this because I've done it. In fact, trying to change things usually delivers better results than screaming or insulting.

One of my favorite interviews was with a guy named Joe McNeil. You probably never heard of him, but you will know who I mean. At the time I interviewed him, Joe was a two-star general in the Air Force Reserve, and very successful in his civilian life as well. But he had broken the law when he was 17, and I asked him how he reconciled breaking the law back then with obeying plenty of laws to get ahead in life: "There are different ways to influence or bring about change. Sometimes you can influence from without, and sometimes from within (government) -- by being part of the leadership. Sometimes just 'being there' can make a difference."

In 1960, Joe was one of the four young men who brought about plenty of change by sitting at a whites-only lunch counter in Goldsboro, NC.

Only positive vibes come from this civil rights leader today. If there ever was any anger, it is certainly not evident in talking to him. And that wasn't my first experience with him -- I've known him a long time.

The point is you can be angry and you can make change with that anger, but you don't have to let it spill over into every aspect of your life. Joe McNeil is living proof of that.

Will

The E.B. White quote comes to mind:

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."

I think we must acknowledge that this is an open question for all of us and we all have to choose, every day--to the extent that it is actually a choice--how angry, and how content, we ought to be.

Eh?

People are angry because thanks to the commercialization and institutionalization of terrorism and fear in the form of constant fear mongering - folks are living in fear. Sheeple are like that. Fear inevitably turns to anger and there you have it a bunch of angry folks all over the place.