Former President Bush speechwriter Michael Gerson has a column in Newsweek that starts with a tidy story:

"The evening of the 2004 presidential vote had been late and frustrating. The networks, burned by their monumental confusion on election night 2000, had refused to declare a winner in Ohio, even though the result was clear. In the Oval Office the next morning, President Bush sat with Karl Rove, Karen Hughes, Dan Bartlett and me, talking distractedly on random topics. Then his assistant Ashley called in, 'Senator Kerry on the line.' There was a cordial, five-minute conversation. When the president got off the phone, his eyes filled with tears—tears of relief that another election crisis had been avoided—and he hugged each of us in turn."

Like a hillbilly couple fighting over whether it's the rotten beef or the rotten chicken that stanks, I'm trying to figure out what's more hideous:

• The inherently cloying nature of this teary-eyed, one-hug-at-a-time scene. TMI, Mike!

• The maudlin way Gerson tells it. "Tears of relief that another election crisis had been avoided." Oh, brother.

In any case, I'm writing Gerson off as a liar and a creep. (Don't worry, he's not alone; he can bunk with Peggy Noonan.)