A recent speechwriting assignment had me drafting a speech for a prominent Houston executive to deliver to the local Japan-America Society.

In the course of writing the speech, it occured to me that it would be polite if the speaker were to open and conclude with a few words of Japanese. So I exhausted my entire Japanese vocabulary, beginning with Konnichiwa, for "Good afternoon," and ending with Domo arrigato for "Thank you."

But, knowing how dangerous it is to use foreign languages in a speech unless you are fluent in them, I prudently called the organizer of the event for advice. Sure enough, he informed me that the demands of the occasion required a more subtle and sophisticated use of the Japanese language.

Konnichwa was too informal. The executive should say, Minasama Yoku Irashaimasu, a formal welcome, appropriate since the Consul General of Japan and his wife would be present.

Likewise, the formality of the occasion made Arigatoo Gozaimasu appropriate at the end.

The nice gentleman in charge of the event then helped me with the prononciation, so I could guide the speaker through the Japanese syllables and forestall another potential gaffe.

By way of return, I shared a story with him about the subtleties of the Japanese language that I read years ago in a charming book called, Once A Grand Duke.

The book was an autobiography, written by Grand Duke Alexander of Russia -- an urbane and witty cousin of the last czar who fortunately managed to escape the Bolshevik firing squads.

Alexander had served in the Russian navy when he was a young man. One of his voyages, made somewhere around 1900, had taken him on a goodwill visit to Japan. His ship stayed in port for a few months, and so he engaged a Japanese geisha to see to his comfort. The young woman was a perfect housekeeper, who even taught him to speak Japanese.

So when Alexander was invited to a state banquet in Tokyo, he felt he was more than ready to do his duty as a goodwill ambassador. Seated at a table with the empress, the prime minister and some other high officials, he confidently joined in the conversation. To his acute embarrassment, he had no sooner opened his mouth when the empress took refuge behind her fan, and the other members of the party struggled vainly to suppress their laughter.

Nervously, Alexander turned to the prime minister and asked, "What's wrong? Did I mispronounce?"

"Oh, noooooo, Your Imperial Highness," replied the prime minister, reassuringly, "Your pronounciation was quite correct. It is just that Your Imperial Highness was using a particular kind of Japanese -- a kind not normally used in court circles.

At the close of the evening, the prime minister escorted the thoroughly embarrassed Grand Duke to his carriage. "You must introduce me to your tutor some day," he said with a smile. "I should like to become acquainted with her methods of instruction."