If we publish employee poetry . . . where do we draw the line?

Over the past 13 years, I've read maybe 75,000 employee publications. And I've seen a lot of weird stories. But I just came across something that may set the entire employee communications profession back 100 years.

I found this particular piece in a utility company's employee newsletter. It's a poem. Written by an employee. About . . . his boots. It's a love sonnet to his work boots. I swear I am not making this up.

Yes, that's right. An employee publication editor published a worker's love poem to his boots. The title of the poem, of course, is 'These boots were made for walking.' Here is how this blue-collar Shakespeare starts out:

'Dear Boots, Thank You
You keep my feet warm in winter
And you keep me safe from electric shock
Your cushioned insoles make me walk faster
And your steel toes laugh at a falling grate block.

I could go on, because there is another stanza . . . but why would I?

My question to this editor (other than: what are you on, and can I have some?) is this: Do you realize the floodgates you are opening up here? Do you realize how many frustrated poets you might have in the workplace?

And now that you've set a precedent, you're going to be awash in bad prose from every corner of the organization! You're going to get stuff from the accounting department . . . something like this, maybe:

An Ode To My Calculator . . .
As my fingers caress your magic buttons
And those glorious digits fill your screen . . .
My heart soars beneath my pocket protector
And my soul is washed so clean

As I play with the General Accounting System
And add up the dollars and coins
Your electronic infallibility is reassuring
And gives me a strange throbbing in my loins.

Or you might get something out of the IT Department. Can you imagine that? Maybe something like:

Wither the computer mouse?
Well hello there, little mousy mouse
Once again I hold you in my fist
Hidey Ho, my little plastic pet
Can you help me create a to-do list?

I've got lots of people to not call back,
And tons of work to not do
So that you and I can play all day
Surfing Internet porn, and sniffing glue

Blog readers . . . what about it? Can you come up with any poems of your own? This could be a nice, fun way to wind down the year!

The above examples will be in my C.R.A.P. (Corporate Rhetoric Awards Program) column, in the January issue of Corporate Writer and Editor. If you've never seen CWE, check it out here. It's a fantastic publication for internal editors, writers, and designers.