And the survey says . . . absolutely nothing

As a senior editor at both Ragan Report and Corporate Writer & Editor, I get bombarded with a lot of stupid 'surveys' and 'studies.' And I'm constantly amazed how shameless these companies are at sponsoring 'research' that benefits their organization.

I recently got a whole slew of 'surveys' from Robert Half International, an outfit that calls itself 'the world's first and largest specialized staffing firm.'

The organization is so large, in fact, that they had to break up into different companies to handle each of the specialized fields they provide staffing for. So you have Robert Half Finance and Accounting, Robert Half Management Resources, Robert Half Technology, and so on.

I recently received two studies from this group. The first one came from Robert Half Legal (isn't that a wonderfully appropriate name for a legal group: 'Hi, I'm Steve, an attorney with Half Legal . . .'. )

Here's how the news release announcing the survey starts out:

'When you think of words to describe a law firm's culture, what comes to mind? Formal? Competitive? Not so, say attorneys. When surveyed recently about their work environments, the top adjectives used were 'team oriented,' 'family friendly,' and 'casual.'

In related news, a recent survey of sharks revealed that the top adjectives they use to describe themselves are 'cuddly,' 'adorable,' and 'cute!'

I mean, does anyone really believe that a law firm is casual? Or team oriented? I've read a couple of John Grisham books. I know more than a couple lawyers. Everybody knows it's the most cutthroat game in town.

But do you think lawyers are going to say that in a survey conducted by a legal staffing firm? I can only imagine the conversation:

'Hi there, I represent Robert Half Legal. We place highly qualified attorneys and paralegals in good jobs within law firms. How would you describe the culture at your law firm?'

What do you think a bunch of people who lie for a living are going to say?

'Well, I'll tell you, honey. It's kill or be killed around here. I'd just as soon cut someone's throat while he sleeps than see him make partner before me. When I got hired they told me if I didn't bill 85 hours a week, minimum, they'd take a blow torch to my testicles. No sirree, you don't want to send any of your people over to this shit hole.'

I mean, I know people do these stupid surveys to get some publicity for their company, but shouldn't they at least have some legitimacy to them? Tomorrow I'll tell you about the other Robert Half survey that came in the same mail. It may be even dumber than this one.