Well, I made it back from Italy in one piece. Barely. Almost killed myself twice driving off a mountain, gained about 10 pounds, drank too much, had dinner in a castle . . . . it was the perfect trip.
Except for one little incident in the beginning, that really depressed me as far as employee communications is concerned.
See, much of what I do as a consultant and seminar leader is based on two principles I firmly believe in:
1. That communicators, if they try, can shape corporate cultures and change them, rather than just toil inside the constraints of them. That, if you try, you can do great things in your organization. I've seen this happen at too many places to ever NOT believe it.
2. That many employees are hungry for information about the organization, and smart enough to process it and use it to help the company.
Now, I'm not budging on my first principle. I've had too many people at my seminars tell me, "Oh, that's a great idea, but it would never fly at my company." Only to reach out to me three months later and tell me that they are already doing what we talked about . . . that all they had to do was show how it would benefit the company, and even the hardest-assed, most dinosaur-like executives said give it a shot.
But I'm worried about theory #2: That employees are hungry for information, and smart enough to absorb it and use it. Specifically, I'm worried about the second half: that employees are smart.
Here's the event that really troubled me:
I was flying from Chicago to Detroit to Frankfurt to Venice. I landed in Detroit, and went to the International Terminal, to check in. I showed the woman at the counter my ticket, and she said, and this is a direct quote:
"This flight takes you to Frankfurter, but you'll have to check in again for your boarding pass to Venus."
Now, listen. To be perfectly honest, I'm not 100 percent sure that she said "Frankfurter." It was my second flight of the day, so I was already well into my patented Xanax/Martini Method for Flying. But I am about 90 percent sure that she did, in fact, say "Frankfurter."
And I KNOW she said "Venus." Like the planet. There was absolutely no mistaking that.
Now, there are three ways to think about this:
1. That the woman is dumb enough to not know that Venus is a planet, not a city.
2. That the woman understands that Venus is a planet, but is dumb enough to think Lufthansa Airlines has flights that take people there.
3. That the woman understood that I was going to Italy, but twas dumb enough to think that "Venice" was pronounced "Venus."
Those are three distinct grades of stupidity, there. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, and say she was only Grade Three Stupid, and knows that you can't fly a commercial jet to another planet.
But if you saw the vacant stare in her eye that I saw, you just wouldn't be so sure.
And my question is, How Are You Supposed to Communicate With Someone That Stupid?
We talk about engaging employees, treating them like owners, sharing financial information with them, communicating global and industry-wide issues . . . . and this woman is too stupid to even get ON the short bus in school. They probably had to write her name and address on her hand until she was out of high school and became the problem of corporate America.
It was all very depressing . . . because you know in your heart of hearts that there are thousands of employees just like her, in every company in the world. And what are we supposed to do about that?
Luckily, Lufthansa airlines has the good taste to still offer free booze on overseas flights, so my depression didn't last long. But, back here in reality, I can't shake the image of this woman, our target audience for much of what we do, telling me that I would have to check in separately to go to Venus.
My God.
Comments (13)
I just wanted whoever reads this entry to know that I didn't write "the woman TWAS stupid enough to . . .".
I wouldn't write "TWAS." How terribly pretentious one would have to be to write "TWAS."
But I've tried to edit it, and it won't go away.
Just so you know. I'm no sissy.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | September 26, 2005 6:09 AM
Posted on September 26, 2005 06:09
I have to admit I'm not at all surprised that this happened, mostly because it happens all the time at our hospital. Once, the cashier in the cafeteria kept asking the man in front of me where she knew him from. After a second she slapped her hand on the counter and exclaimed, "I got it. You're my husband's parole officer!" Real proud like.
Now consider this. This makes up nearly 1/3 of all the readers of the material I write. Nursing assistants, landscaping, housekeeping...they barely make minimum wage. That's why I write my articles in a very simple and succinct fashion. I hope to draw them in with some lighter pieces in the event that they might be curious about what the company's up to. I can communicate what's going on in the company, but I can't re-educate them.
By the way, hope your honeymoon TWAS great.
Posted by Eileen | September 26, 2005 12:15 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 12:15
Well, there is a Uranus joke in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I am gonna be the one to go there...
Now, onto more serious matters. This does not surprise me one bit. There are all kinds of funny stories about things like this. Some of em are even true (like this one, no doubt). Just be grateful she was behind the counter and not flying the plane. I am regularly amazed when I see printed signs, banners and such, with that godforsaken unneeded apostrophe (there is one on our building that reads "Door's 7-9"). Not only was the person who contracted the work an imbecile, but the SIGN COMPANY did not think or care enough to say "ummmm, you sure this is what you want?"
/rant
-Neruda
Posted by Steve Neruda | September 26, 2005 12:33 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 12:33
I'm sorry, I see "Frankfurter" and "Venus" in the same sentence and I simply can't help but start humming the Time Warp ...
Maybe she just had a very pronounced accent of some sort ... ?
Posted by DeAnna B | September 26, 2005 1:47 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 13:47
I fly out of Detroit all the time and I've heard much worse than that.
My all time favorite sign in the airport is a sign at a Mexican restaurant which reads: "Alcoholic must stay inside restaurant." Beneath it someone has handwritten the words "drink" in small letters.
Because you know the AA held one of their meetings there and no one could ever leave.
Posted by Timmy | September 26, 2005 2:04 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 14:04
She'd have been only half stupid had she pronounced it va-NEECE'.
Welcome back, Steve. I'm sure Italy is a different place having had you in it.
Posted by Meredith | September 26, 2005 3:15 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 15:15
My boyfriend's father owns a small restaurant, and after overhearing 2 employees argue about whether or not Kansas was a state, he issued the dictum, "Never assume intelligence." That said, I refuse to make the dumbest people in the room my target audience. If I do that, I risk alienating the smart people in the audience and I also risk making myself look stupid (which I can do on my own just fine, thank you) and/or condescending. And I've never seen a sharp publication (or a sharp anything, for that matter) that targeted the lowest common denominator. I will continue to strive for clarity, simplicity and accessibility in my communications, but I won't dumb them down.
Posted by Valarie | September 26, 2005 4:04 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 16:04
I feel your pain. At my bank, the mortgage officer told me I had to sign an "after David." Yes, she meant an "affidavit." This is scary, since she deals with these legal papers all the time.
So, how DO we write employee communications when these are the employees??
Posted by Donna | September 26, 2005 4:21 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 16:21
On large, colourful board books. Preferably drool-resistant ones...
Posted by Jim Harris | September 26, 2005 4:47 PM
Posted on September 26, 2005 16:47
I think the best way to write employee communications is as Valarie suggests - with simplicity and clarity but also with a lot of "for examples" or "in other words."
Our workforce runs the gamut from record clerks with barely a high school education to engineers with PhDs in nuclear physics. So as is the case in many businesses, we don't have a common educational ground let alone a common understanding of our business. The use of examples and clarifying restatements goes a long way in reaching - and educating - everyone.
Surprisingly perhaps is that our technical professionals seem the most appreciative of this approach (although, that may be because the others don't realize what we're doing). Anyway, the common comment I hear is, "You know my wife/mother/kids/in-laws never really understood what I do until they read that story your wrote about me/my department/our project, etc."
So, simplicity, clarity and lots of examples seems to work for us.
Posted by Colleen | September 27, 2005 9:19 AM
Posted on September 27, 2005 09:19
Quote Posted by Jim Harris :"I think the best way to write employee communications is as Valarie suggests - with simplicity and clarity but also with a lot of "for examples" or "in other words."
Yes I noticed that Steve had to explain to all of us simpletons that Venus is a planet.
Quote Posted by Steve C. : "And I KNOW she said "Venus." Like the planet. There was absolutely no mistaking that."
Posted by J.P. Morgan | September 27, 2005 12:56 PM
Posted on September 27, 2005 12:56
Steve - when the leader of the free world stands in front of cameras and talks about "learning how state and local governments work and work together", in the very state where he was GOVERNOR, I'd say all bets are off, my friend.
You know as an end-user friendly geek I hear it all. So I think I'm way too jaded to participate in a conversation involving the stupidity of mankind.
Welcome back...
Posted by Rebecca | September 27, 2005 2:13 PM
Posted on September 27, 2005 14:13
Donna's comment [At my bank, the mortgage officer told me I had to sign an "after David." ] reminded me of a dear, departed family friend who suffered from "prostrate" cancer, same with NYPD Blue's Andy Sipowicz, to hear him tell it. Guess that is the kind of cancer you get from lying face down too much.
Posted by laurel | September 27, 2005 7:31 PM
Posted on September 27, 2005 19:31