I've asked Colleen to share with you how she writes really good safety stories. Until then, I've asked our Business Practices department to send you a copy of "Doing the Right Thing," our ethics booklet.

Hoo boy.

I certainly understand where you’re coming from, Steve. Prior to joining my company’s employee communications team, I worked in its ethics department – doing employee training. Once I saw the light and joined the employee communications team, the safety department became one of my clients. So, to paraphrase Judy Collins, I’ve looked at your topic from both sides now and feel qualified to comment.

Of course, you’ve answered your own question. Providing readable, memorable and effective stories about safety and ethics – or on any topic – requires you to do just that. You tell stories.

One safety article that made an impression with our employees started out, “It was a dark and stormy night for wearing a bathrobe.” The remainder of the story recounted an employee’s misadventure of scaling an unsecured ladder at night, in the rain, to clean the spark arrestor on his chimney. Oh, and he was wearing nothing but his slippers and bathrobe. (And yes, we had the employee’s permission to use his story but, of course, we didn’t use his name.)

Once we had everyone cringing as the employee and ladder went flying across the makeshift patio – with his bathrobe flying open as his wife and family gazed out the window – we contrasted his off-the-job actions with the safety precautions he would have taken had this particular event taken place on the job site.

We also have told “A sad tale of careless e-mail” and “The shocking truth about energy diversion.”

In short, of course you can write a boring article on any topic but the real question is why would you want to?

So much for your plan, my bald friend. Too bad for you I am reader of your blog. Now I vill see you and your leetle circus act coming. Special price for you: $150. Merry Christmas!

Your ethics question aside, why don't you just go to a different tree lot?

Cathy: You've nailed it exactly. The ONLY time either of those kinds of stories works is when you build them around real examples of real people . . . and for whatever reason, most editors or companies are unwilling to do that. You've got it licked, but you're one of the rare ones.

Gregor: You son of a bitch.

Shari: THe damn lot is at the end of my block. And since we always include Nicky, driving somewhere would be a pain in the neck. This way, we can walk and wheel just a half block away. But the guy really is a bastard.

He's constantly crowing about how he "gouges the Yuppies" with his grocery store prices. What he doesn't see, or doesn't want to see, is that 60 percent of his customers are retired people on fixed incomes and young kids out of college living on ramen noodles still.

I'll get the bastard one day. Mark my words.

Steve C.

Well, except that I'm Colleen, not Cathy.

Are you sure you're not Cathy?

Sorry, Colleen. Is this the same Colleen who I drank with in New York and did the death march for deli with?

It's so hard out here, with no last names.

Steve C.

That would be me - your fellow sufferer through Shel's now infamous deli death march.

(Of course I'll forgive you your faux pas but it may take you springing for a libation or two when we convene in Chicago in April.)

You got it, Corky!!!

In fact, I will buy you SEVEN drinks if you are willing to send me some samples of those good safety stories!

That can be seven drinks in one sitting, or seven drinks spaced out over the conference. You get to make the choice.

Steve C.

You're on! I'll round up some examples and send them to you.

First - you just called someone CORKY - that's hilarious. Julie and I call people corky, stems from a drunk evening at my apartment in Muncie. Good times.

As for the tree. How the hell tall is a tree that he's charging $110?? 20 feet? Seriously, bring your brother to Indiana on a field trip. We can go to a Christmas tree FARM - your brother can watch us cut down a tree from the car and laugh at us when it falls on my oldest son (they ALWAYS fall on my oldest son) - then we can go back to my house and drink spiced cider and hang out. The tree will cost you $20 for a 6-footer. The invitation is always open.

There's more than corn in Indiana, there's booze and Christmas trees, too - an award winning combination.

As for ethics, well - you're just negotiating. Like we all do when we buy cars. There's a markup, we know it, they know it, they know they can come down on the price. What you need to do is pimp your son out to some of those seniors on a fixed income so they can get a discount, too.

Keeping in mind that when I say "spiced cider" - I mean "spiked spiced cider" - I don't want you to think I've gone soft or anything. :)

You forgot to mention that you show up with a (leg/arm/finger/toe/head) cast to really milk the sympathy factor. Now, here's a new question - does coming up with another angle to con the con-man make me an unethical person?

Yes ethics seems to be one of those (ethics is in the eye of the beholder) type problems like harassment.

Our diversity training from our HR guy included ethics, sexual harassment and him telling us (I swear to God) “If you go to cash your check at the bank and the teller was a big fat ugly woman, you’re not going to want to do business there are you”? This guy was serious and when I mentioned this to some higher ups, they just said yeah, he’s an idiot, that’s just the way he is. But we also learned that if you feel harassed then you are. So I basically don’t talk or look at anyone anymore.

So is it unethical to con a thief? No! Is it unethical to spray all of he trees with vegetation killer? No!

Our artificial tree has seen better days. We went to get a real tree for the first time in 14 years. Anything over 7’ started at $100. So we went to look at new artificial trees and anything decent started in the $400 range. So we stuck with the same Charlie Brown tree this year. What I didn’t realize is that we live in a wealthy part of town and these were the “rich people” priced trees. I soon found nice trees for $20 but it was too late. Next year it’s a real $20 tree.

Many companies are turning up the volume on ethics to demonstrate that they have an ongoing compliance program. Before Sarbanes Oxley legislation, corporations distributed their Code of Ethics to employees on their first day of work and that was the end of the ethics talk. By making ethics part of the company conversation -- at meetings, in publications, etc. -- companies hope that more employees will now be fully aware that it is wrong to commit fraud, steal company property, sell stuff to Iran, etc. If someone at the company does get caught in a crime, courts and investors are more likely to forgive company management if they can show they have regular communications and actions about ethics and compliance. It's just a bad actor -- not the system that's flawed.

First, in Toronto, if you go to IKEA a six-foot tree costs $15 CDN and they give you a $15 coupon in return (provided you return in the first few months of the new year and spend $50). Home Depot has caught on to the idea and they charge $17 with a $25 coupon (provided you return and spend $100 within a shorter timeframe).

Trees aside, though, if a boring article does nothing for ethics awareness and a good article will get people to read about it, what will make them act ethically? Wouldn't we need a policy with teeth before anyone who is otherwise unethical would consider changing their behaviour?

How much should Employee Communications be responsible for if the Legal department doesn't provide a compelling plot? We could spend all the time in the workweek writing attractive articles, but what we really need are results. We can't just be pawns so that our companies will be forgiven more readily by the courts, media and/or investors.