It’s almost March, which means it’s almost time for Ragan’s annual Corporate Communicator’s Conference. This year, it’s back in Chicago, my hometown.
Because it's back in Chicago after three years in Las Vegas, I am getting a lot of questions from people . . . about the conference, and about the city in general. Rather than respond to them individually, I thought I would do an FAQ here on the blog.
If you have any additional questions, please enter them into the comments section, and I will do my best to answer them. Thank you.
Can you get me Oprah tickets?
No, I can’t get you Oprah Tickets. Nobody I know from Chicago can get you Oprah Tickets. Mayor Daley can’t get you Oprah Tickets. I only know one person from Chicago who has been to see Oprah, and she was actually a participant on the show. It was about menopause.
Are all of Oprah’s shows about menopause?
No, that is a common misconception. She also does one show a year about whatever book she just read, and another where She cons sponsors into giving away all kinds of expensive gifts to the audience, while She soaks up all the credit.
Are the White Sox in town during the conference?
No, the Sox are on the road. If you want to experience the same atmosphere that you would experience at a Sox game, however, you can still do it during the conference. Just buy tickets to the Jerry Springer show.
Why are there never any fans at White Sox games, even when they are winning?
I hate to stick up for White Sox fans, but it truly isn’t there fault that nobody goes to the games. Most White Sox games are at night. And most G.E.D. classes are also at night. You can see the conflict.
What if I hate Jerry Springer but still want to experience what it’s like to go to a Sox game?
Cook County Jail has guided tours on Mondays and Wednesdays, I’m told.
Are the Cubs in town?
Yes, you can see the Cubs while you are in town. They have a three-game set against the Marlins, including night games on Monday and Tuesday, so you won’t even have to miss any sessions. The Cubs are going to win the World Series this year, so it would be neat if you could say you saw them play in Wrigley the year they broke the drought.
Have you been drinking?
Yes.
Are you the bouncer from the Jerry Springer show?
No, I am not. He’s in much better shape than me.
I’ve heard Chicago is very cold. Will it be cold in April?
Probably. Maybe not. How the hell am I supposed to know? One year, the Cubs home opener got snowed out. Another year, it was 70 degrees. As they tell you in all the better conference brochures, dress in layers.
I’m looking for the quintessential Chicago experience, and I have a huge expense account. Can you help?
There are so many to choose from. But if it were me, and I had oil-company or pharmaceutical-company money to spend, I’d do this: First, go to Happy Hour at Andy’s Jazz Club. The live Jazz starts at 5 p.m. It’s a Chicago institution, but not touristy at that hour. Then, for dinner, two options: If you want seafood, right next door to Andy’s is Shaw’s. Probably the best seafood in the city. If you want meat, go to Gibsons. There are better steaks in town, but Gibsons is the Chicago steakhouse. Close the night by either seeing a late show at Second City, or going to the piano bar at Jilly’s, right across the street from Gibsons.
I’m looking for the quintessential Chicago experience, but I have no money, and no expense account. Can you help?
Now you’re in my territory. Take a cab to Clark and Diversey. That’s a block from my house. From there, walk north up Broadway. It’s one of the great walking streets in the world. You’ll find the greatest assortment of shops, bars, freaks, weirdos, perverts and street people you can find anywhere. If you can swing it, do it in the late afternoon, and when you get to Addison, hang a left. Two blocks down is Wrigley Field. Since you’re on a budget, wait until the third inning, and then scalp a ticket for about $20, and go in. You won’t regret it. Another, even cheaper alternative: Walk the lakefront, from downtown north to Belmont. Then cut over to Wrigley Field and go to the game. Chicago's Lakefront is one of the true treasures of the modern world.
Speaking of the Cubs, is it true that White Sox fans are more blue collar and tougher than Cubs fans?
Last year, as their theme song, White Sox Nation picked Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” as their song. Maybe the biggest sissy song from the biggest sissy band of all time. You tell me.
I like to dress up. Will I be able to dress up at the conference?
Sure, you can dress up and go to the symphony, or dress up and go to the ballet, or dress up and go to the lyric opera. Or, you could dress up and come to the first-ever Ragan Recognition Awards Gala. That’s right, we’re having a Gala. It’s certainly a stretch from the early days of the Corporate Communicator Conference, when our founder Larry Ragan used to smuggle in bottles of booze and bags of chips in his suitcase, for the “cocktail reception.”
Why are you having a Gala?
It’s to honor the winners and almost-winners of the second annual Ragan Recognition Awards Program. It’s Tuesday night, after the pre-conference sessions are over. I’m told it’s going to be very nice—with great food, great wine, and a program where you can see and learn from the award winners. I’m co-emceeing the event, along with Mark Ragan and Jim Ylisela. We’re all going to be wearing tuxedos. The only catch is, you have to attend the conference if you want to attend the Gala. But it’s shaping up to be a great conference.
Did you say you were going to wear a tuxedo? Isn’t that a little like putting perfume on a pig?
It most certainly is. I’m being forced into it by something called the Gala Committee. The Gala Committee has been churning out memos at a record pace, and I stopped reading them three months ago. So I missed the memo about me having to wear a tuxedo, and now I’m roped into it.
I kind of got hooked on gambling when the conference was in Las Vegas. Can I gamble in Chicago?
Yes you can. The current odds at Ragan right now are running 2:1 that I cut the ass out of my tuxedo before I put it on.
Comments (20)
I need to sell the conference to my "Bean Counter"
Can you give me a few good selling tips?
Thanks for the good stuff you delivered in TO.
But I must point out that Toronto is by far not one of the best city in Canada for the after hours sessions. Montréal and Calgary (in that order) would be much more interesting on that aspect...
Posted by Sebastien | February 19, 2006 11:53 AM
Posted on February 19, 2006 11:53
Sebastien, Vancouver has to be higher up the ladder than Calgary :P But Montreal is cool.
I wish I was coming to the conference it sounds like fun. And I would like to see Steve in the tuxedo.
Posted by Laura | February 19, 2006 1:24 PM
Posted on February 19, 2006 13:24
"Why are there never any fans at White Sox games, even when they are winning?"
Don't forget the others that wonder off into that wonderful neighborhood that the park is located in and are never seen again.
2008 there should be no more sox fans. They will either all be dead or they would have finished there GED and become smart enough not to go to SOX games anymore.
Posted by A N | February 20, 2006 8:04 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 08:04
Steve:
Are you REALLY from Chicago? How can you recommend evening entertainment and not mention any of the great Chicago blues bars? Second City, sure, but what about Kingston Mines?
Greg
Posted by Greg Marsh | February 20, 2006 8:33 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 08:33
Sebastien:
First, what is the short version of "Sebastien"? I meant to ask you that while we were drinking the other night. Seb? Sebby? Bastien? Bas?
If there is no short version, that's cool. But there should be one.
Anyway . . . That was a very surreal experience, drinking in the rafters of the Skydome. But I liked it. Hotel bars all tend to look the same after a while . . . that was certainly different. It was just unfortunate that nobody could hear anybody else.
I'll e-mail you some strong selling points for the CCC conference. It really is a great event, because the multiple tracks allow us to cover so many different topics.
Laura, you don't want to see me in a tuxedo, believe me. I look like four pounds of fat stuffed into a two-pound sausage casing.
A N: You speak of my Shangri La, friend. That all White Sox fans eventually die slow, agonizing deaths, and are never heard from again.
But it will take longer than 2008. They are all south side Chicago Catholics, and they breed like rats.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 20, 2006 8:39 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 08:39
Greg!!!
I swear by all that his HOLY that in my original FAX, I had a whole answer about Chicago Blues bars . . . but it was getting to be too long, so I took that out, and put it in the SECOND FAQ.
Now, listen. The Kingston Mines is terrific (and about two blocks from my house). BUT . . . right across the street from the Mines is a small, little bar called, simply, B.L.U.E.S.
It is terrific. And much more of a Chicago atmosphere. The Mines is great . . . but it is so big that it attracts a lot of yahoos and tourists.
B.L.U.E.S is small, crowded, with just one band . . . and the best blues experience in the city, in my opinion.
Are coming to CCC? If you are, we'll have to go to B.L.U.E.S. Maybe I'll go there in my tuxedo after the Gala, just to see how long it takes me to get my fat ass kicked.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 20, 2006 8:49 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 08:49
I would like a rebuttal.
I agree with *most* of what Steve wrote, but must clarify a point or two.
I approve of Second City, but one must also consider Blue Man Group. Not a typically "Chicago born and bred" thing, but this show simply rocks, and everyone has to see it before they die.
Gibsons? Overrated. Its been a while, so I hope its still there, but the best place for me was always the Chicago Chop House.
Don't go to Wrigley - and ESPECIALLY dont go into the bars surrounding it unless you have a high tolerance for Frat boys and vomit.
White Sox fans ARE more blue collar and tougher than Cubs fans. But that isn't saying much. So is my 6 year old.
-Neruda
Posted by Neruda | February 20, 2006 9:28 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 09:28
Neruda:
I thought you were having that operation last week? You know, the one where they surgically pull your head out of your ass????
DON'T GO TO WRIGLEY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!?
Yes, you're right, by all means, don't go to Wrigley. And if you're ever in Paris, don't go to Notre Dame. If you're ever in India, don't go to the Taj Mahal. And avoid the Great Wall if ever you're in China. And certainly stay away from the St. Mark's Square when in Venice.
Now, I'll give you the Chop House over Gibsons. Yes, it's still there, and it is still excellent. The only reason I said Gibsons is because it IS, like it or not, a real Chicago experience. And it's right there in the thick of the Viagra Triangle, where all the heavy hitters hang out.
But yes, I concur that the Chop House is better.
Blue Man Group? Sure, that's fine. I've seen it. It's cool. But the best thing about it is that it's about five blocks from WRIGLEY FIELD, the greatest place in Chicago.
As for Sox fans, somehow, someway, people have confused "ignorant" and "uneducated" and "mean" with being "blue collar" and "tough."
Listen, I grew up on the South Side. I spent my formative years there. My dad was a homicide dick there for 40 years.
I know Sox Fans. They're not tough. They're loud. And they like to gang up on people. But put one in a room by himself with a real tough guy, and they will piss their pants and mewl like a baby.
DON'T GO TO WRIGLEY???????????
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 20, 2006 10:30 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 10:30
Poor Little Neruda Jr.. He wants to go to the Happiest Neighborhood in Post-Katrina U.S., but his daddy, who knew a good steakhouse when he last went to one a couple of decades ago--Steve N., is TGI Friday's still open? I favor its steak tips over those at Bennigan's--insists that Wrigleyville is no match for Bridgeport, the most racist neighborhood in the city, and the adjoining projects.
Can't beat fear and loathing at the old ballpark.
The "old ballpark" with the new name, U.S. Cellular Field, and all the earthy charm of a shopping-mall food court.
Come on, Steve N. We trusted your judgment. Now you're actually telling out-of-towners not to visit Wrigley Field?
Say it ain't so.
Posted by David Murray | February 20, 2006 10:46 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 10:46
Now now, we are all learning something about Cub fans here, aren't we? Based on these two replies, we are learning that they have a tendency toward hateful, judgemental vitriol (well, that's ONE redeeming aspect...). Now, picture 40 thousand of them in one place.
Yes, I am outed. I dislike Wrigley. The parking is nonexistant, the hot dogs substandard, the fans overbearing.
Lets be clear, however, that I am not so much a Sox fan either, although the kosher dogs are much better at "the Cell" (fun nickname by the way... especially as it is surrounded in barbed wire fencing).
Ah, sweet home Chicago.
Posted by Neruda | February 20, 2006 11:02 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 11:02
Neruda:
This year, we will go to a Cubs game together. You and me and David Murray. We will start at my house, with bloody mary's on the balcony. We will stroll down Broadway, cut over to Clark, and drop in the Crescenzo Communications Branch Office (El Jardin's) for a couple of grain alcohol margaritas.
Then we will mosey down Clark to The Friendly Confines . . . where we won't worry about the freaking hot dogs or the lack of a jumbotron or the outdated bathrooms or anything else, because we will be there to watch baseball.
And when it's over, you will turn to me and say, "Steve, I'm sorry for what I said about Wrigley Field. I'm sorry for who and what I am."
Okay?
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 20, 2006 11:09 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 11:09
And we'll get a good steak after.
Posted by David Murray | February 20, 2006 11:14 AM
Posted on February 20, 2006 11:14
It's a deal. How far in advance do you need to ask for half a day off from Cindy?
Posted by Neruda | February 20, 2006 1:07 PM
Posted on February 20, 2006 13:07
Man, let me know when that's happening! I'll make a trip to Chicago to be part of that outing!
As a lifelong baseball fan with no inbred opinions about Chicago teams, I think I can offer an unbiased viewpoint here. I feel like my bona fides as a baseball fan will be something less than complete if I never see a game at Wrigley. I dare say nobody outside the White Sox fan base feels that way about "The Cell."
Greg
Posted by Greg Marsh | February 20, 2006 2:37 PM
Posted on February 20, 2006 14:37
Yeah, you could go to the Mines or Wise Fools or even The Green Mill (Jazz) but because they are so trendy I would stick to Steve’s suggestions. He lives there and has lived there all of his life. F.Y.I the Mines is a 4AM joint…
Blue Man Group… I was supposed to go to a showing in Manhattan last summer, but one bad ass hotdog in Central Park and 12 hours later of it coming out of all ends of me with my youngest daughter crying thinking that I was dieing, put an end to that. They made us call every day for four days but they were able to sell the show out and therefore would not honor our $360’s worth of tickets.
You can get a great dog at “Byron's Hot Dog Haus” (w/ everything) and go to Montrose Harbor and enjoy the great view of the skyline with a great dog.
I would hope that if anyone visits the great city of Chicago that they would find something better to do than go and see Jesus Christ, I mean Oprah perform an infomercial, I mean miracle and save the world with her books and “Free Gifts”, I mean her profound statements and incite on life and happiness. She is a licensed therapist isn’t she?
Posted by A N | February 21, 2006 6:07 AM
Posted on February 21, 2006 06:07
A N:
Opigra is as much a licensed therapist as that fat gasbag she spawned, Dr. Phil. I have dreams about putting both of them in a room with one knife, and only one is allowed to come out alive. Then I get to kill the winner . . . slowly.
Greg, you're in. You can even crash on my son's bunk bed, so you don't have to pay for a hotel.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 21, 2006 9:15 AM
Posted on February 21, 2006 09:15
Hi Neruda, I feel I need to re-introduce myself. Despite Steve's depiction of me as "Mussolini", You should know that I'm just as big of a Cubs fan as Steve, and I’ve been waiting my whole life for the opportunity to work from home, set my own schedule, and enjoy the ball games and some Bloody Mary’s in the summer. My Nazi-like work qualities will only exist from November through April. It's the number one benefit at Crescenzo Communications that lured me to work here in the first place. Now enough of this, it's back to work for me. It's only February for God's sake.
Posted by Cindy | February 21, 2006 10:00 AM
Posted on February 21, 2006 10:00
Steve,
How did you get so lucky? A good woman who can help you get organized work-wise, keep you in cash, and loves the offsite meetings at Wrigley Field in the summer?!
Cindy, you rock! Tell Steve you deserve a raise!
Sonya
Posted by Sonya | February 21, 2006 10:19 AM
Posted on February 21, 2006 10:19
We'll see, Sonya. Five to one says she brings one of her stupid binders to the game and tries to make me work between innings.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 21, 2006 11:40 AM
Posted on February 21, 2006 11:40
Hello,
I am SERIOUS about this ... so please don't ask me if I am (everyone writes back asking if this is "for real.") I have 3 seats to see Oprah in Chicago, Sept 12. Let me know if you want more information or if you or anyone you know might want to buy these. You can see who I am from my website (below). Thanks! (by the way, no one under 18 is allowed in an audience seat - Oprah rules) ... click my website bottom right corner "O-link" and enter the password - Oprahyes .... it will give you more info.
Corinne, Austin, Tx 5124781746
(and YES ... I DO really have these seats)
www.LoveNewLife.com
Posted by Corinne | September 2, 2007 6:42 PM
Posted on September 2, 2007 18:42