It’s finally here . . . Valentine’s Day! What a crock. But anyway . . .
If you are an employee communicator and you’re looking to do a Valentine’s Day story for the intranet home-page today, why not shake things up a bit?
Instead of running that tired, old “Jane and Bill met on the job five years ago and they’re still together and they both still work here!” story, why not do something different?
What about doing a story on all the “daytime marriages” that exist in offices?
From what I hear, this is a pretty common thing. You’ll hear women say things like, “Oh, Dan is my office husband.” Or you’ll hear men say, “Mary is my daytime wife.”
(Somehow, I get the sense that more women talk about “daytime marriages” than do men. It’s just a hunch, but I think most men think about the women they work with in a more private fashion . . .and on their own time).
The idea behind these daytime marriages is that people who work together spend more time together than regular married couples, so they become “couples” of a sort, too. It makes sense, right? Well, why not do a profile on some of these unofficial relationships?
If nothing else, it would be a hell of a lot fun to do the interviews. I bet you could get some great quotes, like the ones below:
Cheryl in Production (daytime husband: Marty, in marketing):
“It’s so great to have a second ‘husband’ at work . . . I mean, we talk about everything!”
Marty, in Marketing (daytime wife: Cheryl, in Production):
“Yeah . . . uh, sure. We talk about everything. This daytime marriage thing . . . it eventually leads to sex, right?”
Arnie in Accounts Payable (daytime wife: Sue, an administrative assistant):
“I don’t have a wife in real life, so it’s nice to have one at work. Real nice. Reeeeeal nice. I think about her all the time. I mean, all the time. Even when I’m not supposed to. In fact, I'm thinking about her right now. But that's okay, because she's my wife. Sort of."
Diane in Legal (daytime husband: Jim, in copywriting):
"Of course my real husband Wally knows about Jim. But, uh . . . I did tell him that Jim was gay, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the third degree every night. God, did Jim and I howl about that. That whole week, Jim was calling himself Jack Tripper, and doing this funny gay walk all over the place. I’ll tell you, Jim is a scream."
Ned in Accounting (daytime wife: Wanda, in Corporate Giving):
"Yeah, the office marriage thing is great. I get to make small talk with Wanda all day, I get to work my ass off to try and be funny, I get to be there when her asshole boss comes down on her, I get to be there to pick up the pieces when she gets a bad review . . .and then she goes home and has sex with her husband. What’s not to like about it?”
Bob in design (daytime husband: Dean, in design):
“It’s just so nice to have someone at work to just chat with about everyday things. At home it’s always ‘put on the leather chaps, honey, we’re going to the club,’ or, ‘put on the sequined shirt, Bob, we’re going to Eddie’s to watch The Idol.’ It’s like I’m some kind of show dog or something. With my daytime husband, it’s more relaxed.”
Linda in Purchasing (office husband: Brett in Shipping and Receiving):
“My real husband, Bill, just lies around all night and watches sports on TV. With Brett, I can have real conversations.”
Brett in Shipping and Receiving (office wife: Linda in Purchasing):
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. I mean, you can’t watch sports at work anyway, so talking to Linda helps kill the time.”
Gretchen in HR (office husband: Archie in the Factory):
“Is it still considered only an office marriage if you have sex in the Janitor’s closet three or four times a week? I mean, I'm just asking hypothetically”
Otis in the Mail Room (office wife: to be determined):
“Damn, I gotta get me one of these office wives. Who do I talk to, HR?”
Comments (23)
ahahahahahaha!
Thank you SO much. I've been wondering, if "everyone" is doing this, how come the first I've heard of it was a CNN "your glurge here" article. Apparently, I've been missing out on more than I thought having a virtual office for the last 6 years. I could have been picking up discarded socks and cast-aside dinner dishes for TWO guys!
Posted by DeAnna B | February 14, 2006 5:49 PM
Posted on February 14, 2006 17:49
Don't forget empty cracker boxes put back in the pantry and empty milk cartons put back in the fridge (after a glass-less carton-to-mouth transfer)......or use of the nicer hand towels to wipe the dipstick (and by this I mean the oil tester, not the husband)....followed by the sage inquiry, "Isn't that what we have a washer for?"
Sorry, the shallow end of the gene pool is on my s&^%$ list today. Happy friggin' Valentines Day.
Posted by Laurel | February 14, 2006 6:42 PM
Posted on February 14, 2006 18:42
I humbly offer my all time favorite Valentine's Day poem...which will only be funny to IT folks, geeks like me, or parents who are REALLY well connected with their teenagers (and yes, all the spelling and grammar is absolutley intentional):
Rose are red
Violet blue
All my base
Are belong to you.
-Neruda
Posted by Neruda | February 14, 2006 8:01 PM
Posted on February 14, 2006 20:01
Steve - Valentine's Day IS a crock, but we have ourselves to thank (marketers, not men).
The NRF reports that consumers spend about $100 on the big day. This totals about $14 billion, of which more than 60% ($8 billion) are spent on greeting cards.
Makes you wish you worked at Hallmark.
Posted by Kevin Dugan | February 15, 2006 2:37 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 02:37
Deanna: I had never heard of it, either, until recently. But I guess it's pretty big . . .and that couple on "The Office" is going to make it bigger, mark my words.
Steve N. Please explain that poem. I've read it 1,0000 times, and I can't figure out what the hell it is.
Laurel: I'm sorry you had a rotten day yesterday. Remember: It is always darkest before the dawn. The strongest steel goes through the hottest flame. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Men suck.
Kevin: Jesus . . . are you serious? People spend that much money on this bullshit contrived holiday? You know, I consider myself to be fairly romantic. But on principle I won't do ANYTHING on this Hallmark Holiday. I can't believe that many people buy into it.
You'll never go broke underestimating the stupidity of the American and Canadian public.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 15, 2006 8:26 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 08:26
Deanna: I had never heard of it, either, until recently. But I guess it's pretty big . . .and that couple on "The Office" is going to make it bigger, mark my words.
Steve N. Please explain that poem. I've read it 1,0000 times, and I can't figure out what the hell it is.
Laurel: I'm sorry you had a rotten day yesterday. Remember: It is always darkest before the dawn. The strongest steel goes through the hottest flame. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Men suck.
Kevin: Jesus . . . are you serious? People spend that much money on this bullshit contrived holiday? You know, I consider myself to be fairly romantic. But on principle I won't do ANYTHING on this Hallmark Holiday. I can't believe that many people buy into it.
You'll never go broke underestimating the stupidity of the American and Canadian public.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 15, 2006 8:26 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 08:26
P.S. Laurel: Isn't that what washers ARE for? I mean, seriously. Isn't that why we have washers? Not to sound like some kind of neanderthal Bobby Riggs here . . . but still.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 15, 2006 8:28 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 08:28
STEVE! Here's one to get you going...I have a "work-wife". That's what my husband calls my best friend here at the office. I tell her everything, much to my husband's chagrin. And he has a work-wife, too...only it's a guy he works with. This guy even laughingly identifies himself as my husband's 'work-wife' if he calls the house. It's been going on for years.
Steve N: here you go: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/generic/724a/
Notice they have it in the ladies babydoll tee style...great for your female IT geeks. If you ever need to buy your geek a gift...thinkgeek is the way to go, people!
Kevin - as for spending $100 on the big day. My husband got me a gift cert for a pedicure ... $40. I bought cards and candy for the kids... $10. We made shish-kabobs on the grill with the kids and had a nice pinot noir, money spent at the grocery for out of season veggies, wine and a roast ... $75. A little something for my husband... $20. Total cost from me on Valentine's Day: $145. And that's with no jewelry, flowers or going out for dinner. So I don't find that amount alarming at all.
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | February 15, 2006 9:19 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 09:19
And Steve C. - you'd have to be a gamer, or know a gamer or a geek to get that poem. When you find out you're going to say "You're kidding me, right?"
Google it...you'll see...
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | February 15, 2006 9:33 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 09:33
Holygod, I think I AM a work husband. My guy office buddy saves his least highbrow stories for me, saying I'm his "only guy friend at work."
Then again, he's my office husband, too.
Posted by Meredith | February 15, 2006 11:49 AM
Posted on February 15, 2006 11:49
well... here is the "base" backstory:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base
Basically, its an "internet meme" - in this case a reference from a video game (poorly translated from Japanese) that became something of a running gag... and a bit of pop culture. And something to drive other people nuts. Kind of like the geek version of "WHAAAAASUP!" from the beer ads I guess.
The fact that ITRebecca got it (and even knew about the TShirt) was expected... well done.
In our next class, we'll cover the wonders of Fark.com, and things like "O RLY", "Your dog wants steak," " France surrenders" and "Duke sucks."
Posted by Neruda | February 15, 2006 12:41 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 12:41
hehe Steve....thanks for the commiseration. I don't think men suck....I think being in week 36 of this 39+wk odyssey has my multi-tasking skills on hyperdrive (nesting nesting nesting), and to have to come down to the level of one who cannot manage to dispose of an empty cracker box is mind-boggling to me.
That St. Patty's beer I'm earning 4 days post-partum is sounding better & better all the time! =)
Posted by Laurel | February 15, 2006 1:19 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 13:19
Ha! no, Bobby Riggs probably doesn't wipe his face after tennis w/the same towel he uses for a dipstick....or any other stick for that matter.
As much as I hate, truly HATE, the "women always do this, men always do that" mentality (too limiting for everyone), I have found an amazing watershed quality when the subject comes to towels.
I have not yet met a woman who does not recognize anywhere from three to nine categories of towels: kitchen/dishes, kitchen/hands, kitchen/countertops, bath washcloth, bath towel, hand towel, rags, etc etc etc.
Conversely, I have yet to meet a man who does not espouse the SNL "Shimmer--it's a floor wax! It's a dessert topping" mode of categorizing towels, ie, ANYthing made out of fabric can be used to wipe up/clean up any surface. Besides foot, heat-seeking and mating (those last two not necessarily the same), the towel gene behavior may be our only remaining biological imperative as humans.
BOY, did you err in getting an 8+-mo. pregger on her soapbox. Now I need a hug.
Posted by Laurel | February 15, 2006 1:31 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 13:31
uh, that would be fooD, heat-seeking, etc., not FOOT...too creepy
Posted by Laurel | February 15, 2006 1:34 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 13:34
Steve N. - Don't forget to teach him about the "HA HA!" guy or the "I work for 'X' and I get a kick out of all these responses..."
Posted by Darin | February 15, 2006 2:16 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 14:16
Oooooooh, I think RTFM, /. and PICNIC are even more important geek things to learn...
and Steve N, if the "O RLY" is what I think it is, then I have the ant t-shirt, and a whole host of animal books on my shelf, including the squid, the bat book and whatever gator/croc is on Unix B/U & R. I love geeks.
Laurel - as for towels, I feel ya sister, I really do. I have found bathtowels in the GARAGE. WHAT??? Who does this? Men. I recognize and observe all previously mentioned categories of towels. Although I will use the dishtowel and the kitchen counter towel interchangeably. I do have a "drying glasses towel" and "drying dishes towel" just to take this ship to a whole new ocean of obsessive.
There is also a specific way to fold towels that men cannot seem to understand.
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | February 15, 2006 3:33 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 15:33
Laurel--I had a great laugh on your towel story! My husband and I are very particular about our own towel systems.
He is very specific on the kitchen towels in the three categories you mentioned (kitchen/dishes, kitchen/hands, kitchen/countertops) whereas I just tend to grab whatever towel is there, wipe something (hands, counter, dish), and put it to be washed. Every time he sees me with a towel, he questions what I just used it for, because he has them all categorized to specific duties in his mind, and only uses them for that purpose, washing them much less frequently than I would!
However, this same man had to be trained to discern the difference in bathroom towels between ones that are for "display" (usually hanging up with a pretty or embellished look) and ones that are for "use" (plain towels placed very close to the sink). I once had to explain to him that by wiping his hands on a monogrammed hand towel in our powder room, he was ruining a $20 towel that was only for display and coordinated to other powder room decor.
He is big on the kitchen towels because he cooks a lot more than me (which makes me lucky I know) and views them by function (part of his IT geek makeup) and I am big on the bathroom towels because I am more concerned with keeping the rest of our house clean and attractive!
Oh and as for folding towels, Rebecca, I agree. I am big on the trifold method, while my husband just folds them in half. I always have to refold them after him to fit them in our linen closet.
Despite these "shortcomings" of his, we had a lovely V-Day dinner yesterday with good Italian food, a bottle of wine, and chocolate dessert. So he's a pretty good husband. :)
Posted by Sonya | February 15, 2006 3:44 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 15:44
The trifold method is an absolute must. Anything else is just uncivilized.
Posted by Jim Harris | February 15, 2006 3:52 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 15:52
YES! It's all about the trifold - I was just discussing this with a co-worker yesterday who looked at me like I was on fire. AND when you put them in the linen closet, put them with the folded side out, not the edging of the towels facing out. They are easier to grab! My work-wife, like my husband, does not do this, she folds them in half. The lunacy of it all!!!
Now I want to draw a connection between geeks and cooking. I LOVE to cook, my geek boss (a man) loves to cook, our senior programmer (a man) loves to cook...Sonya's husband is a geek who likes to cook. Now that I'm thinking about it I know lots of geeks who like to cook. Who knew??
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | February 15, 2006 4:20 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 16:20
Sure, you women know towels, but we men don't have space in our brains for that. We have to save that storage for important things like who was the second baseman for the 1970 Washington Senators (Tim Cullen or Bernie Allen; they platooned). Heck, y'all probably don't even know who the manager of that team was. What's more, you couldn't care less. And we feel the same way about towels. And that's just the way it should be. None of us can know everything by ourselves; that's why we need each other. Vive la difference!
It was Ted Williams. Please tell me you've at least heard of him. And a belated Happy Valentine's Day to all! Personally, I took the day off and went skiing with my actual wife (while my work wife went to work), and it was fabulous.
Posted by Greg Marsh | February 15, 2006 9:52 PM
Posted on February 15, 2006 21:52
Ahhhhh, Greg...you're such a man. Me not knowing who the 3rd baseman for the 1969 Yankees doesn't end up with my linen closet a disaster and my bath towels in the garage!!!
Skiing on Valentine's Day...terribly romantic...where are you? Here in dreary NW IN, we haven't had a decent snow yet this year. I'm beginning to think we aren't. Scary. 5 years ago I needed 400 ft of snow fence to keep my driveway from drifting over. This year my hubby hasn't even used the plow on the front of the 4-wheeler.
And yes, isn't Ted Williams the guy who is cryogenically frozen or something? I couldn't tell you who he played for...sorry.
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | February 16, 2006 10:39 AM
Posted on February 16, 2006 10:39
It is truly comforting to come in the office in the morning (Oregon - PST) after listening about v.p.-induced bird shot, and bombs and "death squad" in Iraq to find my blogging family discussing the things that matter to us: folding towels, uses for various towels and Ted Williams. It's like a good home-cooked meal with my slightly wacky relatives.
Posted by Eileen | February 16, 2006 11:10 AM
Posted on February 16, 2006 11:10
DeAnna:
I find it highly offensive that you think something would be too off color for this blog. This blog is so off color, it's black.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | February 16, 2006 6:46 PM
Posted on February 16, 2006 18:46