Well . . . I did it. I got one of those dingleberry hand-held computer/phone thingies. I got it because I needed a new phone, having lost my eighth cell phone in two years recently.
And since I had to get a new phone anyway, and hated my old service, I thought I would switch to Verizon Wireless, since they were nice enough to hire me to do an in-house seminar.
(Yes, if you hire me, I will immediately switch to whatever brand or service your company sells—unless you work for Miller Light. I would rather drink Camel urine than Miller Light.)
And when you switch to Verizon, you can get a good deal on one of these Treo things. It’s a phone, camera, video camera, e-mail checker, Web browser, palm pilot, calculator, alarm clock, MP3 player, non-stick skillet, wine opener, juicer, and food processor, all in one.
I've had it for a week now, and so far I have figured out how to dial the phone and receive incoming calls. That may be all I ever use it for. I also accidentally took a picture of my knee, but I don’t know how I did that, and I can't seem to do it again.
Theoretically, of course, having a dingleberry means I can now access e-mail in airports, bathrooms, my car, bars, coffee houses, the branch office El Jardin’s, and my boat!!
Do you know what that means? It means now I can not get back to people right away from airports, bathrooms, my car, bars, coffee houses, the branch office El Jardin’s, and my boat!! I’m going to be the most efficient slacker in the entire industry!
But I do have one problem. I think these things were made for aboriginal dwarf women with tiny little chicken-claw fingers. Either that, or my fingers are way fatter than average. And, while I myself am fatter than average, I’ve always thought I had really slender, almost svelte fingers.
But I can’t dial this damn thing. The keyboard is the same keyboard you have on your laptop, layout-wise . . . but the entire thing is the size of about six normal typewriter or computer keys.
And the numbers for the phone are on those keys, too. So when I go to dial a “5” I also hit 4, 1, 2, 6, and 3.
This thing is costing me 45 minutes a day so far in lost productivity, as I keep having to redial numbers.
Does anyone know if there’s a fat man’s dingleberry model out there? Is there a Big and Tall Store for electronic gadgets? This stupid thing was made for anorexic midgets.
Comments (12)
Hey Steveo,
This is my first comment to anyone's blog, ever. I feel kinda naked if you know what I mean. I now have a mental picture of you laying on the floor with one sock half way on and a second, more mature picture (dare I say a different 'nee) on your new appliance.
I strongly suggest you dial by voice or at a minimum, use their quick dial feature that allows you to press and hold one/two numbers to access 99 different numbers. How's the workout program going?
--Knuckles
Posted by Chris Crescenzo | March 12, 2006 5:28 PM
Posted on March 12, 2006 17:28
Steve - can you use some sort of stylus to press the numbers? Even a pen comes in handy. That's the best suggestion I have...
Good luck...
AND
Meredith's blog makes reference to this:
http://www.itrain.com/index.php
If you're seriously working out, it might be fun to check out.
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | March 13, 2006 8:13 AM
Posted on March 13, 2006 08:13
Hey, The Deacon is on the blog!!
Everybody, meet my older brother Chris, aka, "The Deacon." He's a good guy, even though he's a Sox fan.
And yes, I am seriously working out. I'll have to check out Meredith's blog.
I'm in Vancouver right now. What a wonderful city. It's one of those cities that is good for the soul, like San Francisco.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | March 13, 2006 9:20 AM
Posted on March 13, 2006 09:20
It's always worthwhile to check Mer's blog anyway, because she cracks.me.up. Love her and her jeans addiction. She's like my marathon running alter-ego.
Hi older brother Chris - you should stop in more often, and share funny anecdotes about your brother.
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | March 13, 2006 12:27 PM
Posted on March 13, 2006 12:27
I've seen Steve's fingers. They're the size of knockwursts. Partner, ditch the dingleberry!
Posted by Jim Ylisela | March 13, 2006 2:39 PM
Posted on March 13, 2006 14:39
I love the idea of voice dialing. But the REALITY, especially for Steve, may be less than ideal.
As you may know, you have to "train" the unit for each entry, and then repeat it back in approximatley the same speed, tone, etc for the comparison to register and the call to dial.
Picture Steve with the Treo held to his ear:
"El Jardins"
"Please repeat the entry"
"El Jardins"
"Please repeat the entry"
"EL JARDINS"
"Please repeat the entry"
"EL. GOD DAMN. JARDINS"
"Please repeat the entry"
Well, you get the idea.
Posted by Neruda | March 13, 2006 3:01 PM
Posted on March 13, 2006 15:01
Ohmygod, there's another Crescenzo? Spill, brother! Tell us everything.
And thanks, Rebecca. Those iTrain.com workouts are fabulous.
Posted by Meredith | March 13, 2006 4:51 PM
Posted on March 13, 2006 16:51
About your finger dysfunction (FD):
1. Let your index fingernail grow out about half an inch.
2. File to a point.
3. Brush Crazy Glu over the tip for extra strength.
4. Voila--your own keyboard pecker. Works great.
Good luck, Steve.
Posted by JJ Martin | March 13, 2006 4:58 PM
Posted on March 13, 2006 16:58
Steve,
I too bought my first Palm thingy. I got the Treo 7000. And though I really enjoy it, I discovered a few things right away:
1) I am rarely going to use the web browser. Though the downloading of the web pages is very fast, manipulating everything on such a small screen will send you screaming into the night.
2) My fingers are no where near as fat as yours (whose could be)? And yet, I too can't punch the damn numbers accurately. These keys were designed for insect fingers, not humans. And yes, while there is a stylus, it's a pain in the ass to take the damn thing out and punch in the numbers or letters.
So why do I like it? Because it organizes my life. Until now, I used to carry most phone numbers in my wallet, wedged between cash and several hundred receipts going back to 1992.
So, there it is....we are now both unavoidably available, 24/7 as they say.
Mark
Posted by Mark Ragan | March 13, 2006 6:45 PM
Posted on March 13, 2006 18:45
Mark Ragan has a Costanza wallet? Good to know.
Posted by Rebecca (the token IT person) | March 14, 2006 11:18 AM
Posted on March 14, 2006 11:18
Mark Ragan has a Costanza wallet AND little ballet girly boy fingers.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | March 14, 2006 12:45 PM
Posted on March 14, 2006 12:45
Anyone else having flashbacks:
Nothing like king size Homer trying to make a phone call only to hear a recording "The fingers with which you are dialing are too fat."
Posted by Melody | March 15, 2006 12:25 PM
Posted on March 15, 2006 12:25