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April 6, 2006
Disasters of global proportions
I’m writing this from Helsinki, Finland! At Crescenzo Communications, one of our many mottos is:
“Think Locally, Drink Globally.” And we’re doing just that.
My boss at Ragan, Jim Ylisela, and I are over here doing a two-day workshop on Social Media and writing for today’s employees, for Nokia. Jim is a Finn by Heritage, and if he tells me one more time that someone on the street looks just like his grandfather, I’m going to slap him in his big Finnish jowls with a pickled herring.
But we’ve been having a great time. Last night, after a really great session on social media with some smart people who are way ahead of the game, we went out to dinner with all the great communicators from Nokia—Elizabeth, Heidi, Jussi, and Harry. We feasted on reindeer and much Bordeaux, and it was one of those “client” dinners that quickly dissolved into a hysterically funny, politically incorrect talk on everything from sex to politics.
It turns out the Finns are a fairly taciturn bunch . . . until the liquor starts flowing. Then it’s anything goes.
I love doing global communications!
The sad news, however, is that it turns out that I kind of suck at it.
Let me explain:
First, before I even came to Helsinki, last week I was the keynote speaker for a German company’s communication conference. The conference was in New Jersey, but 90 percent of the attendees were from Germany.
Now, I thought I was ready for this global audience. I knew it would be a solemn affair, because everybody kept telling me that the Germans are notoriously “serious.” So I took a lot of the humor—most of which is terribly inappropriate for a corporate audience anyway, let alone a German corporate audience—out of the mix.
No stories about acid trips, ass-less leather chaps, or getting drunk and falling out of a plane.
And I was careful to also take all the references to American pop culture out of my presentation.
And I took out anything that might offend a German, too. For example, at one point in some of my presentations, I refer to one particular company as a “seething Nazi hell-hole regime.” I took that out.
There is also a section where I refer to “starting World War III” with one particular bastard of an IT person. I took that out, too.
And finally, I told myself to slow down when I talked. I even wrote “SLOW DOWN” on a pad and put it on the lectern, to remind myself. Those of you who have seen me speak know that I get a little excited and worked up, and tend to talk fast.
That’s a small problem with an American audience . . . but for people whose English isn’t that great, it’s a disaster.
But I knew that! At Crescenzo Communications, one of our other mottos is: “Think Locally, Speak Globally,” so I was ready to go slow, remove all American cultural references they wouldn’t understand, and avoid words like “Nuremberg,” “blitzkrieg,” and “Luftwaffe.”
Well, I did manage to avoid any references to Bennifer, that slob Dr. Phil, or World War II . . . but I am just incapable of slowing down, I guess.
I mean, I thought I did okay.
In my head, I thought I sounded like Billy Bob Thorton in Slingblade, talking about French-fried potaters.
But apparently I still sounded like an auctioneer on speed.
And afterwards, Germans being Germans, they had no problem telling me about it.
“You gave a nice presentation,” one woman said in her heavy German accent. “But you must slow down.”
“I enjoyed, but you talk too fast,” said another.
“You must clean up PowerPoint, you are professional communicator,” said another one, looking at me like he wanted to take me out and have me shot.
I felt like I was in a bad movie. I kept waiting for someone to tell me:
“We haff vays of slowing you down.”
It should be noted that even though I talked too fast, I think overall it went okay . . . and the night ended with me, the American woman who hired me, and her British boss, who is funnier than John Cleese, all closing the hotel bar at 1 in the morning, laughing hysterically about anything and everything.
And two days later I flew to Helsinki with Jim, to do the work with Nokia.
Well, yesterday Jim and I showed up at the corporate headquarters for the first time, armed with the name of the person we were going to meet: Jussi.
So we show up at the security desk, and I say in my best big, fat, ugly American, slow-speaking English:
“We’re here to see Jussi.” Of course, I pronounced it Jussi, rhyming it with Gussie and using the soft “j.”
“Yes?” said the beautiful woman, Linda, behind the desk, in perfect English. “You are here to see Jussi?” Only she pronounced it Yoosie, using a “y” instead of a “j” and rhyming it more or less with Juicy.
“Oh, yes. Yoosie,” I said. “We’re here to see Yoosie.”
And I smiled. And she smiled back at me. And I smiled at Jim. And Jim smiled at her. And we all sat there smiling like idiots.
“Do you happen to know Yoosie’s last name?” she said.
I didn’t, of course. I mean, the man’s name was Jussi, or Yussi, or Yoosie, or whatever. How the hell many of them could there be?
“No, I don’t,” I said.
And the woman just nodded. So I nodded. And Jim nodded. And then we all smiled some more.
“There are 350 Yoosies working here,” she said, finally. “Can you give me more of a clue?”
Oh. I thought for a second.
“He works with Heidi?” I said, pronouncing it like Hi Dee. The woman just shook her head. “We have many Haydees here, too,” she said.
Well, we finally sorted it out, and Jussi came and got us, and the session went great, and later, over dinner when all the cultural barriers had come down, I told them the story.
“Yeah, that’s a little like showing up at Motorola’s headquarters and asking to see John,” said Heidi, pronounced Haydee, who is a smart alecky little communicator with a terrific sense of humor and a good appetite for life.
Then they told me that I need to slow down a bit when I speak.
I really like the global communication stuff. I just wish I didn’t suck at it.
Nokia, by the way, is doing terrific things with social media tools, and look to this space for some of the highlights after I get home and sober up.
Posted by steve at April 6, 2006 11:29 PM
Comments
At Nokia we're going to have an exciting workshop with Jim Ylisela and Steve Crescenzo today, dubbed Taking the Corporate out of 'Corporate Communications'. Very much looking forward to Jim's and Steve's take-no-prisoners approach to corporate excrement of male cattle.
Posted by: Jos Schuurmans at April 7, 2006 2:04 AM
God bless the Finns. Steve and Jim, if you get a chance to take in some local hockey, do it! They're producing the best hockey players in the world in Finland right now. Plus, it's really fun to read the team roster aloud.
Posted by: Kasia Chalko at April 7, 2006 4:36 PM
And just think - since you're with Jim, you shouldn't have any trouble getting your expense report approved.
Posted by: Colleen at April 7, 2006 5:12 PM
Welcome to my world, dude. My father-in-law is from Bavaria. It took me 17 years to warm him up. 17 years!! Know what finally did the trick? I got drunk with his sister.
God bless the Germans. :D
Posted by: DeAnna B at April 8, 2006 9:43 AM
Colleen:
You'd think expenses wouldn't be a problem. But on Friday night, Jim and I drank The American Bar dry of absinenthe (sp?), which is legal over here. Our bar bill was higher than our hotel bill.
I don't know if even Jim can get that one through. Though I did see him write "Marketing Research Meeting with Potential Lucrative Clients" on the receipt, so you never know.
17 years to warm up a Bavarian? That's a record pace I believe, DeAnna. Congrats are in order. But you could have done it in 17 minutes if you gave him a glass or two of this absinenthe stuff.
After three of them, Jim and I couldn't find our way home. Of course, the three absinenthes were poured on top of martinis, wine, and cognac . . .
Steve C.
.
Posted by: Steve C. at April 9, 2006 9:00 AM
American bar-don't they know drinks. I am glad you visited that place. And absinth.. last time I had my share , I visited toilet soon afterwards and dropped my phone you know where. Talking of toilets, I hope you checked the Ladies room in Torni (reaching Helsinki Sky), too?
Posted by: Mirka at April 10, 2006 9:06 AM
Steeeeeeve - you've been away from your blog for so long, I was beginning to wonder what happened.
I am a notorious fast talker...so I feel your pain. I don't think I could do it. I'm surprised, though, that you didn't use it to your advantage. Say at the beginning, "I'm a fast-talker - feel free to tell me to s.l.o.w down." Even give them yellow signs or something to hold up if you're speeding up. I would, especially if it's a large group.
Posted by: Rebecca at April 10, 2006 12:10 PM
Hi Steve, I was one of the participants within the German communication conference in Parsipanny. You really must have got a wrong picture of us Germans. Your presentaion was great and we all concentrated really hard on you and your presentation because we didn't want to miss out on any of your words or comments. That's why we wished you would have slowed down. Besides, we were just being honest and that's what you aked actually for. Anyway you gave us a lot to talk about.
Not only you did pretty well on talking, we did pretty well as well following you as non-natives, Germans, on a Sunday night, after a intercontinental flight :-)
Keep in touch. Nicol
Posted by: Nicol at April 11, 2006 8:00 AM
Hi, Nicol!!
I'm so glad you liked the presentation . . .I've been hearing from quite a few of you who liked it a lot . . . am and sending a copy to Harriet to distribute to everyone.
I am a very insecure person. Cripplingly so, actually. I think every single one of my presentations is a disaster.
If I get 100 evaluations that are all marked "5" meaning the highest they can be, and one person marks "3" and says I talk to fast, I go into a depression for weeks.
Is this the Nicol who was in the bar with us afterwards, by the way? The Nicol from Bavaria?
Steve C.
Posted by: steve c. at April 11, 2006 1:53 PM
Thanks for the great social media session and the amazing dinner. You guys are just too hilarous to hang around with.
I hope we'll be able to have you over here again in the future as you know how to explain the social media stuff so much better than any of us. Perhaps for the internal seminar I'm trying to organize. Would be another great change for you to meet more crazy Finns. ;)
Posted by: Harri Lakkala at April 11, 2006 2:03 PM
Harri!
You guys were terrific hosts . . . Jim and I had the time of our lives. We decided NOT to go to Estonia on the weekend, and instead spent the two days exploring Helsinki. What a wonderful city. I can only imagine how nice it is in the summer time. When is summer out there, by the way? July 15 to July 23?
Jim and I want to come back . . . but in the summer this time!
I just found out I'm going to Warsaw in October to speak at a conference. Maybe I'll swing up to Helsinki to buy you some drinks.
Steve C.
Posted by: Steve C. at April 11, 2006 3:16 PM
Steve, what conference in Warsaw?
I'm based in Belgium, and would like to catch one of your global shticks sometime.
Carrie (from Illinois originally, but just moved to Belgium from Germany)
Posted by: Carrie at April 11, 2006 4:12 PM
Hi, Carrie!
Well, the Warsaw conference is put on by the FACE Group. I guess they do one a year. Last year, they had Roger D'Aprix, the year before they had Patrick Williams. And this year they invited me.
I'm kicking off the conference with a keynote speech.
BUT . . . Ragan is coming to Europe this Fall!! We're going to be doing my updated Master Class in London for sure, and possibly some other cities in England. You can take the Chunnel over!
When we nail down dates, I'll post them on the blog. Should be exciting!
Steve C.
Posted by: Steve C. at April 11, 2006 4:41 PM
To Harri and all the Finns,
The pleasure was entirely ours. We had a great time at Nokia and loved working with your writers, though we felt like we barely scratched the surface. And we were really impressed with what you folks are doing with social media. Steve and I spent the rest of the weekend coming up with great new ways companies can use these tools to boost communication.
Now if only we could remember any of them.
Helsinki was superb. Thanks for teaching me how to really pronounce my name and showing me the way to spiritual enlightenment (I won't give it away, but it has something to do with reindeer steak and vodka.)
And it's true that everyone in Helsinki looked like my grandfather, including you Harri, and you're only 29! I'm not sure that's good.
Steve was terrific as always, and a great travel companion, but he was also paranoid most of the time, thinking the Finns were staring at him on the street. First I told him they were staring at me, as I am the long-lost native son finally come home. When he didn't buy that, I told him they thought he was Michael Chiklis (sp?), star of that cop show, "The Shield." That seemed to make him feel better.
Can't wait to come back to the Motherland!
Jim
Posted by: Jim Ylisela at April 12, 2006 5:28 AM
First, Mirka . . . thanks for the recommendation for drinks at The American Bar. It was a night to remember.
But no, we didn't peek into the ladies restroom, as you suggested. I didn't have the nerve. Next time . . . or maybe you could fish your phone out of the toilet and take a picture with it and send it along?
Second, I was NOT being paranoid all weekend. For some reason, all of the Finns on the street were contstantly staring at me.
Some of them looked like they wanted to kick my ass all the way to Oslo. And they kept bumping into me, too!
Is that a Finnish thing? To bump into people all the time? Or was it that I was a)drunk; and b) fat, for most of the weekend.
But what a great time. We've got to get all you Finns over to Chicago!!
Steve C.
Posted by: Steve C. at April 12, 2006 6:38 AM
Yes, there are communicators who dismiss print publications entirely. Even worse, there appear to be an increasing number of them who dismiss or underestimate the need for employee communications altogether.
I’ve been a communicator for more than 15 years, but it didn’t take me anywhere near that long to realize that internal communications is considered the ugly stepsister of media and shareholder relations. It is a realization that’s been reinforced lo these many years, but most recently when, after 12 years at the helm of my company newsletter, I ventured into the land of marketing communications. My editor’s chair was barely cold before my VP turned the publication from a monthly into a quarterly, and from a printed publication judged by a national news magazine as one of Canada’s “10 Best” employee newsletters into an afterthought distributed “electronically” via e-mail as a pdf attachment. Ugh. Four years later, it’s distributed the same way, although there’s now a plan to move toward an employee intranet.
Every company I’ve worked for has made a statement akin to, “employees are our greatest asset.” So why is it that while every one of these companies spared no expense when it came to communicating with the media, customers, and shareholders, they viewed any expenditure on employee communications (particularly print) as a “cost center” in dire need of a budget trim? Maybe it’s like the Mills Brothers sang: “You always hurt the one you love.” More likely, it’s indicative of the fact that too many companies view employee communications as an onus rather than an opportunity. They forget that the desire to communicate is every bit as important as the ability to do so, or the medium in which you choose to do it -- likely more so. That, coupled with the tendency to communicate at –- and not with -- employees, is why the state of internal communications is in decline in an unacceptably high number of organizations.
The move toward electronic communication has been a mixed blessing for many organizations. We can all accept that electronic media represent important new tools in the communicator’s toolbox. However, there are too many who confuse electronic media’s immediacy and expedience with efficacy, and that’s a slippery slope toward mediocrity.
You’re absolutely right, Steve. It’s not about the medium, it’s about the message. It’s also about having passion for communication, and not simply for technology. The “print is dead” crowd is taking a very powerful and effective tool out of the toolbox, much to the detriment of the industry and to the employees they are trying to reach. They’re also running the risk of transforming from true communicators to “content providers” whose sole purpose is to supply a constant stream of fodder to their electronic masters.
Print, electronic, face-to-face –- they all have a role to play.
Posted by: Mike Daly at April 13, 2006 4:08 PM
Mike:
Great, great comments. You are so right . . . and you're echoing things I've been teaching and saying in my seminars for seven years.
The only problem is, you put the comment in the wrong thread!! I'm worried that people won't see your excellent feedback.
If you read this and want to cut and paste your copy into the thread above, please do!
And thanks so much for giving the issue so much thought.
Steve C.
Posted by: Steve C. at April 14, 2006 8:34 AM
Thanks for the social media session on Thursday! It was a pity that I missed the Friday session. I heard that it was great too. I will send you the feedback later this week. Cheers!
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