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July 20, 2006
A couple of good seminar stories
I’m in New York City, taking a lunch break from the Advanced Writing and Editing class that I’m here teaching with Mark Ragan and Jim Ylisela.
So far, so good. We have 80 people, and it’s a very fun group. I don’t have a lot of time, but I wanted to share two good stories.
The seminar got off to a great start. One of the first people through the doors this morning was a woman from Canada. Specifically, she was from Newfoundland. More specifically, she was from a city in Newfoundland with the wonderfully sexy name of “Come by Chance.”
“Oh, that’s a great place to come from,” I said.
“Yes, and just down the road, about 40 minutes, is the town of Dildo,” she said.
She was dead serious. Can you believe it? Come by Chance is just 40 minutes away from Dildo! Can you imagine the directions that Newfoundlanders give each other?
“Once you get to Dildo, you’re almost at Come By Chance.”
“If you want to get to Come By Chance, you’ve got to go through Dildo.”
Can you imagine being from Dildo?
I, of course, told that story to the entire group, and everybody loved it. That’s how I could tell it was going to be a good group. Anytime you can get the word “dildo” into a professional seminar before the first break, and the audience appreciates it, you know you’re in for a fun two days.
One other good story came out of this morning.
This one guy, Terry, told the group that he had the unfortunate luck to have to report directly to Human Resources. Besides Legal, there is no worse department for a communicator to report to.
Anyway, when Terry saw the brochure for Advanced Writing and Editing, he sent an e-mail to his HR boss, asking if he could go.
As you know, HR people never answer anything straight up. They usually answer questions with questions. And that’s just what Terry’s boss did, sending back an e-mail that read:
“Why do you want to attend?”
Now, if you were Terry, what would you say?
“I 'd like to try and get laid in New York City.”
“I would go to a colonoscopy conference it would get me the hell out of the office for a couple of days.”
“I ain’t got shit else to do.”
Well, Terry didn’t say any of those things . . . but he did manage to take a shot at the boss. His e-mail back to her said:
“Me want to learn how to write better.”
Atta boy, Terry. Stick it to the sons of bitches.
Posted by steve at July 20, 2006 12:12 PM
Comments
Ah, corporate vs common-sense.
A seminar I attended many years ago talked about a company that required all expenditures to be justified by a statement of the situation, why it is a problem, and the recommended solution.
We were then given a standard letter envelope, on the back of which a laborer had scrawled in pencil:
ME SHOVEL IS BUST
I CANT DIG WIT ME HANDS
I WANT A NEW SHOVEL
Now that's clear communication!
Posted by: Tim Hicks at July 20, 2006 12:49 PM
Once when Larry Ragan and I used to teach together, during the introductions, Larry would ask each participant to tell the group something about himself or herself that no one else in the room could say. I'd say: "I was born in the same hospital as Madonna."
Once, a woman said: "I'm the only person in the room who's pregnant."
Larry said, "Well, it's a two-day workshop."
The older I get, the more I realize his genius.
Posted by: patrick williams at July 20, 2006 2:42 PM
Fortunately I work at a place where they understand that training can occur at conferences. What I find most enlightening about conferences is I can find out if what we are doing and where we are headed communications-wise is best practice, what's being recommended by the presenters, or if we're even in the ball park.
Also, they give you exposure to peers, presenters and practitioners so if someone in your organization asks for a recommencation for a trainer, a consultant or a seminar, you can provide some good advice.
The same can be said for joining your local chapter of IABC or PRSA. Getting to know the consultants who are available locally means you can get quality help in a pinch instead of working with unknown quantities.
We've had Les Potter, yourself, Charles Pizzo and others speak at IABC functions here in Phoenix and the sessions have been successful because of the known quality of the presenters.
We wouldn't have known to contact people such as yourself if we hadn't been to a conference to hear you in the first place.
Posted by: Kevin Snow at July 20, 2006 2:48 PM
Re: Dildo and Come By Chance
Anyone who's ever driven between Chicago and Detroit knows that there's an exit on I-94 between Kalamazoo and Battle Creek called "Climax." The idea is that car-pooling college students from the University of Michigan driving home to Chicago ask, "How long till we get to Climax?" - With, I'm shamed to admit, predictable results.
Posted by: patrick williams at July 20, 2006 2:54 PM
Re: Dildo and Come By Chance
And, Patrick, anyone who's come to Cincinnati by way of the airport just over the state line in Erlanger, Kentucky, has no doubt enjoyed the exit sign to Big Bone Lick State Park. Too much moonshine at State planning/naming meetings, methinks.
Posted by: Laurel at July 20, 2006 3:31 PM
Patrick beat me to the punch with the Climax story. What he neglected to mention is that it doesn't lie far from the interchange with Michigan route 69.
Posted by: Kasia Chalko at July 20, 2006 4:39 PM
I'm sorry, but Pennsylvania takes the prize with Intercourse, Blue Ball and Jugtown.
Posted by: Robert J Holland at July 20, 2006 7:02 PM
I love it! Only on Steve's blog could we all go effortlessly from one of those "topics that should never be discussed in polite company" (Religion) straight into another (Sex).
Of course, the best communicators (in my experience anyway) only pretend to be polite company when absolutely necessary so that's fine.
I so love this blog!!
Posted by: Kristen at July 21, 2006 6:59 AM
Funny how two of the most vital elements of human nature -- faith and sex -- are taboo topics for another vital element of human nature: communication. :-)
Posted by: Robert J Holland at July 21, 2006 7:47 AM
If I were Terry...“I 'd like to try and get laid in New York City.” I hate questions when you want an answer.
This guy on John Stewart’s show told a story where his wife wanted to move a bunch of stuff from one room to the other. He didn’t know why and didn’t care but he damn sure had better ask where everything goes. He has this old orange blanket and yells “hey were do you want this orange blanket?” His wife responds “that blankets not orange”. “What the hell kind of answer is that?” he says.
Now when my wife or daughters don’t answer my questions I just say “That blankets not orange” and they laugh then give me my answer.
Yeah, I remember coming home from NC with my brother and a friend of ours from work. On the way home (20 years ago) we decided to rent a chalet in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. It was so gorgeous that we just couldn’t leave and go back to Chicago. All three of us worked at Midway airport in Chicago and we were all scheduled to work that day. My brother made the call and it went exactly like this.
Brother: “Hey Mark, Andy Lou and I just blew a water pump in the Buick somewhere between Big Bone Lick and “Stinking Creek”.
Mark: “You guys are assholes.” CLICK!
Luckily it was Mark who answered because he would come out to the airport, order pizza and get drunk with us.
http://www.dribbleglass.com/Jokes/town-names.htm
Posted by: AN at July 21, 2006 7:59 AM
Re: Robert's astute observation - "Funny how two of the most vital elements of human nature -- faith and sex -- are taboo topics for another vital element of human nature: communication."
On a serious note (though I am writing this with a Sox baseball cap on and a puppet of Homer Simpson sitting on my computer), my observation, to open the discussion, is that it's essential to a bureaucracy to prohit intimacy. Despite protestations that "we value a diverse workforce," a certain type of bureaucrat has learned that career advancement and the resulting financial success can be gained by a stifling formality.
So any expression of intimacy - humor, religion, sex, variance in style of dress and personal appearance, a conversational idiom that includes profanity or obscenity - these must be prohibited, officially or subtlely - to preserve the machine. Otherwise, it's not a machine, but a culture.
The rssult is neurosis - people leading divided lives. And that shows up in all sorts of addictive and self-destructive behavior.
So I applaud Steve and the discussion - not as harmless diversion, but as necessary, celebratory, and liberating.
Max DePree - former CEO of furniture manufacturer Herman Miller - puts it well in his landmark "Leadership is an Art": "Initmacy is at the heart of competence."
Posted by: patrick williams at July 21, 2006 9:12 AM
Kasia:
Michigan route 69 is tecnically I-69, which makes for a better joke, I think. You're right: It starts at Battle Creek. To the south, Union City. To the north, Lansing. Someplace in here, there's an "And, Finally . . . "
Posted by: patrick williams at July 21, 2006 10:40 AM
Not to turn the conversation TOO serious (God knows we had enough of that in the previous post), but I think Patrick is right. When people reveal too much of themselves, it disrupts the machine. So everything is kept at a distance in the workplace, or at least at a "faux-intimate" level. (I'm so glad I no longer have to deal with that! It's one of the facts of corporate life that will ensure my independence for a long, long time.)
Problem is, people carry that "faux intimacy" over into their personal lives. They get so used to it at work that they begin to practice it at home. And that's where the real damage is done.
Posted by: Robert J Holland at July 21, 2006 12:48 PM
Well, I agree, Robert. I remember when I was having a cup of tea, as they say, putting in my corporate work, at a big Chicago company, where the men had to wear suits, blue or grey, solid or pinstripes (no brown, no black, no plaid, no suit coats.) My manager asked one morning: "You O.K.? You look tired."
I said: "Well, we're newly-weds, and trying to have a baby."
He said: "Whatever turns you on."
I thought: "Yeah, legal married sexual intercourse to create a new life within our family - that's what turns me on."
I also thought: "I hope this doesn't show up in my performance review," and, to paraphrase Tom Skilling, our local (WGN) meteorologist here, "Now I suppose the earth's magnetic field will collapse, the planet will spin off its gravitational axis, and we'll reel into space. And that's gonna affect your morning commute times."
Geez, Louise,
Patrick
Posted by: patrick williams at July 21, 2006 2:10 PM
I'm from Windsor, Ontario and spent lots of time in Michigan. Not to keep beating on the 69 reference (so to speak), but in Troy on the I-75, riders use Exit 69. It lies on Big Beaver Road.
http://www.getoffonbigbeaver.com/index.asp
Posted by: Robert from Toronto at August 2, 2006 12:24 PM
I'm also from the Windsor, Ontario area and have passed exit 69 at Big Beaver Road numerous times. However, my story is not about that:
A friend of mine attended a wedding in Dildo, Newfoundland a few years ago. Apparently there is an annual fair in Dildo where visitors can buy coupons called Dildo Dollars. No kidding. You buy a Dildo Dollar for a buck, but it's only worth 50-cents when you spend it -- some sort of way the town raises money for projects, or something.
I hear they really know how to party in Dildo.
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