I’m going to tell you the real reason I haven’t been blogging much lately.
I’m going to tell you the truth because this is a blog, which is sort of like a diary, and if you can’t be honest in your blog, you shouldn’t have one.
The reason for the lack of posts out here isn’t because I’ve been too busy, or that I’ve been traveling too much. I have been too busy, and I have been traveling too much . . . but that is when I usually blog the most, because that’s where the best material comes from.
If I’m just sitting on my fat ass at a Cubs game, or at El Jardin’s, or on my boat . . . well, there’s only so many stories you can get out of that. I mean, there’s only so many times you can dip your ass into the holy water basin at a Catholic funeral.
The reason I can even have a blog is because I’m out there traveling and working, and dealing with different companies and communicators all the time. That's where the stories are. So being too busy is not the reason for the lack of posts.
No, the real reason I’ve not been blogging is because I’ve been unable to—both physically and mentally. I’ve been hit with a crippling case of “blogimpotence,” which is a word I just made up. I’ve wanted to blog. I’ve tried to blog. I just haven’t been able to perform.
I’d like to think it happens to all bloggers from time to time . . . but for all I know, I’m the only one who has had to deal with it. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve learned to accept it for what it is.
My blogimpotence started two weeks ago, at a barbeque. I went there with Cindy and Zach, and we had a terrific time. It was a reunion party of sorts, and I saw people I hadn’t seen in years . . . including a guy I’ll call “Andy.” I decided to call him “Andy” because his name is, in fact, “Andy.”
I’ve known Andy since I was born. He’s the younger brother of one my best friends. Andy is also one of the more interesting characters you’ll ever meet. When he was 15, Andy decided that he wanted to hitchhike to California. And just like that, he did.
His brother dropped him off at an entrance ramp to the highway outside Chicago, and off he went. He had a change of clothes, about forty bucks, and a quarter ounce of reefer.
The first guy who picked him up was a pervert, of course. He offered Andy cash money for his dirty socks—the ones Andy was wearing. Andy took the deal, took off his socks, took the cash, and got the hell out of the car. (And we all know what later went into those socks . . . and it wasn’t the dude’s feet.)
Anyway, I haven’t seen Andy in years. He’s married now, with a beautiful wife, two great kids, and plenty of socks.
So I run into him at this BBQ, and after some polite small talk we’re just standing there. Now, Andy has always been a man of few words. If he has nothing to say, he’s one of those remarkable people who can actually just say nothing. He's very comfortable in his own skin.
So he was quiet for about two minutes, then he says to me:
“Haven’t blogged in a while?”
“What?” I said. “What did you just say?”
“Haven’t blogged in a while. Been busy?” he repeated.
I was floored. “You read the blog?” I asked. “Corporate Hallucinations?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said. “We all read the blog. Funny shit.”
Well, to make a long story short, not only does Andy read the blog, but he occasionally posts comments. And his wife reads the blog. And other people from the neighborhood—people I haven’t had contact with in years and years—read the blog, I found out.
That’s pressure!
And right after that, I got an e-mail from someone else I had never met, saying he really enjoys the blog. And do you know how he heard about it? From Les Potter. That’s right, the Les Potter. For those of you who don’t know Les, he’s a giant in the field of corporate communication.
If there was a Mount Rushmore of communicators, Les would take up two spots, maybe three. He’s my idol. Les lost the ability to walk maybe 30 years ago after a motorcycle accident, but as far as I’m concerned, the man wheels on water.
And God damnit, there’s a chance that he reads the blog.
More pressure!
And to pile it on even further, I’m doing the Advanced Writing and Editing seminar right now, with Mark Ragan and Jim Ylisela, and people keep coming up to me at the seminar and telling me they read the blog. Dozens of people.
Yet again, more pressure!
All of which has shocked me into blogimpotence. Simply put, I cracked under the pressure. I couldn’t handle it. Every time I started to write a post, I didn’t think it was good enough. It wasn’t smart enough for Les. It wasn’t funny enough for Andy. It wasn’t sick enough for the pervert who bought Andy’s socks 30 years ago—who, I was convinced, was also reading the blog.
This post was too unprofessional, that post wasn’t closely tied enough to communications, another post was too tied to communication and wouldn't have any relevance to non-communicators . . . . and on and on and on.
Every post had to be perfect, and none of them were. So I would sit there, wallowing in my blogimpotence like a fat man unable to get out of a chair.
See . . . in my head, I always thought about 40 people read the blog. I have never, not once, asked Ragan for a “hit count.” I’ve never listed the damn thing at the technorati site, which I think increases your traffic. I’ve never blog rolled anybody, whatever that means.
I had my imaginary audience of 40 people, and I wrote for them. For Eileen and Steve N. and Kathy and Rebecca and Jesus I’m starting to sound like the lady from Romper Room.
Anyway, I had my little group, and my little group liked me, and I could write anything for my little group, because if they didn’t like it they were just this little group of people.
So when I began to get a sense that more people read it than I thought—including my brother Chris, who is another guy I’ve idolized my entire life—well, it got to me. I choked. Blogimpotence set in, and I couldn’t perform.
But that’s all over now. After two weeks of this nonsense, I’ve had it. I’m officially taking off the rubber pants and am ready to get back to blogging. And if people don’t like what I write, that’s okay.
When I was a columnist for my college newspaper, a campus group that hated my guts gathered up every copy of the newspaper they could find and, to protest my column, burned them in the street. I had to have sit-down meetings with one campus group or another every other week. I was once threatened with a baseball bat. Once a month, I was called into the dean’s office.
People hated me. Some people loved me and the column, but some people hated me with the heat of a thousand suns.
And I was okay with that.
But this recent bout of blogimpotence made me realize that this blog has made me soft. It has made me worry too much about people liking it, or liking me.
That’s not what a columnist is supposed to worry about. And I’ve always considered this blog to be more of a column than anything else.
So if you had given up on me, please come back. It’s time to get this thing going again.
Comments (36)
I read the blog.
Posted by Ernie Banks | July 6, 2006 9:15 AM
Posted on July 6, 2006 09:15
Steve, my son, you are not alone. I, too, suffer from blogimpotence from time to time. Usually after reading other people's blogs, which is why I rarely do so.
Luckily, it passes.
Posted by Meredith | July 6, 2006 9:26 AM
Posted on July 6, 2006 09:26
You had me at rubber pants. Good to have you back.
E
Posted by Eileen Burmeister | July 6, 2006 9:51 AM
Posted on July 6, 2006 09:51
Hey Steve,
Glad to see you back posting. Your RSS feed was languishing down the bottom of my aggregator!
Your's is the second case today I've read of BlogImpotence (think you may have coined something there...). It's funny, the thing that gets people going on a blog is the fact that people read it and you can have quick, genuine exchanges with people.
As you've shown, there's also a flip side.
I'd say, as you have summised yourself, just keep doing what you're doing. People who don't like it don't matter.
I laugh my ass of pretty much every post you make....
Timmsy
P.S. Your blog is on Technorati one way or the other
Posted by Timmsy | July 6, 2006 9:59 AM
Posted on July 6, 2006 09:59
Great post, Steve. This started as an e-mail to you but you were so candid I thought I'd be candid too.
It's somewhat mysterious to me, but it's true: Writing blogs, whcih I did for about a year, feels different from writing columns, which I've done for many years. Blogs feel like popularity contests. Columns don't.
You write a blog and you check back compulsively to see how many people comment. And what they say. And how they say it.
Whereas, you write a column and you go get drunk and if you get some letters that's great--even if the letters are negative--and if not you generally never give it another thought. You're on to the next.
I think that's why I quit my Speechwriter's Slant blog last year: It wasn't that I didn't have time to write it; it was that I didn't have time or psychic energy to keep checking the number and quality and nature of comments in order to ascertain whether or not the world loves me enough.
So I quit. But you blog on, with increasing honesty and intimacy (and popularity).
I guess we know who wears the rubber pants in this relationship.
David
Posted by David Murray | July 6, 2006 10:05 AM
Posted on July 6, 2006 10:05
Bravo, Steve! Glad you are back--you have been missed by me and the millions of other readers of this blog! (No pressure.) I like to think I am in your imaginary group of 40 readers as well, and we always want to hear what's on your mind whether we agree with you or not. It's always entertaining. So no more excuses, mister --more blogging!!
Posted by Sonya | July 6, 2006 10:54 AM
Posted on July 6, 2006 10:54
Steve,
I LOVE your blog. You spoke at a Deere communicators conference I attended a couple years back. You are hilarious. I read faithfully.
No pressure, but .... you posted this on June 20: "But the good news is, I’ve got so many great stories to share . . . about employee communications, insane innkeepers, government communicators, flying, etc., that I’ll be blogging every day for a week."
People do miss you when you're gone. Here's some blogviagra. No pressure.
Posted by Jonathan T. | July 6, 2006 1:42 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 13:42
Hey Steve, I've been a lurker since you fell in love with the IT guy. This is my first comment. You should absolutely not worry about the content of your blog. It's the slightly (or severely) off-center stuff that makes it so much fun to read. If all I cared about was the latest "in" colors from Pantone, I could read any number of newsletters/blogs. But where else can I learn the perfect formula for flying? (Xanax + Martini + Ipod = Peace) Don't vanish on us again!
Posted by marcia | July 6, 2006 1:45 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 13:45
Glad you're back on the horse - we missed you. It's funny - we have the same problems you describe with people who are trying to start a blog. They over-analyze what they should talk about and then find it too difficult to get started.
All these people wouldn't continually read your blog if it wasn't great - so no more low blogging self-esteem!
Posted by Lisa Grover | July 6, 2006 2:15 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 14:15
Steve,
I think all of us have needed a little “Finger Viagra” from time to time.
However, if I had one walk away from your seminar in Washington it’s that sometimes the best thing to do is just sit down and write.
Even if your work ends up being the “Pauly Shore of Prose” at least you transposed your thoughts to some other medium. Hopefully, if the Gods of good verbiage are smiling on you that day you will redeem some nugget of quality information from this train wreck of information.
So just write, you’re a funny fu*#er.
Posted by Rob Patey | July 6, 2006 2:45 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 14:45
Feel that breeze? It's millions of Crescenzophiles the world over breathing a sigh of relief. Not to put any more pressure on you, bro.
Greg
Posted by Greg Marsh | July 6, 2006 3:30 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 15:30
It's about time. :D
Posted by DeAnna B | July 6, 2006 3:53 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 15:53
Steve, not good enough? Have you read some of the blogs out there? At least yours is honest, grammatically correct (except for blogimpotence--the term is blogitile dysfunction) and spelled write. Typos make me sic.
But seriously, write what you know: being funny, being passionate about communications, having an opinion. No one is right all the time. You can just hope to be writing.
Keep a backlog of stuff you'd like to write about. Have those draft posts that you can drag out when you don't feel like starting from scratch.
And if you're actually going to try to start offending your readership now, I can't wait!
Oh and you can never sit in the holy water enough.
Posted by t2ed | July 6, 2006 3:57 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 15:57
Look, rubber pants boy.
You're the funniest man alive in corporate communications. You know it, I know it, Murray knows it, Ylisela knows it, and all of those people posting above know it.
So quit your whining, Mr. Penis Head, and get back to work!
--The Boss
Posted by Mark Ragan | July 6, 2006 9:32 PM
Posted on July 6, 2006 21:32
So whatever happened to fearing nothing in life. It sounded as if your blogimpotence is nothing more than the FEAR that the people who read your blog will realize that your writing is nothing more than the margarita/martini induced ravings of a lunatic bald man. So don't be such a coward and start blogging again. Unlike your wife, your readers probably won't be disappointed with your performance issues. Besides if it's anything like your sex life you should be able to write this in 30 seconds.
Guess you won't be able to give me that extra set of testicles. Sounds like you need them yourself.
Posted by man who needed testicles at bbq | July 7, 2006 5:34 AM
Posted on July 7, 2006 05:34
Steve,
I can't say it any better than anyone else, but that never stops me.
It is so true that your faithful readers think you are a riot. In my opinion it is actually BECAUSE you are:
-Hysterically funny
-Utterly irreverent
-Politically incorrect (but truthful)
-Always on the edge of reason
Most important however, while you are being all those things above, you also always make a connection to communications effectiveness (well almost always, and we laugh so hard we don't care when you don't).
I mean, seriously, where else can you read a blog about dunking your butt in the holy water dispenser?! I wet my own pants when I read that one I was laughing so hard.
Try thinking of us readers as a bunch of individual groups of 40 - maybe that will reduce your pressure.
Whatever you do Steve - you MUST keep blogging. Between obtuse executives, apathetic employees and boring corporate writing assignments - I NEED YOU!!!! Some days reading your blog is all that keeps me from throwing my computer at the non-opening windows in my building (and since it would bounce back and give me a concussion you're actually doing a humanitarian service by continuing to blog).
PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE US AGAIN!!!!!!!
Posted by Kristen | July 7, 2006 7:41 AM
Posted on July 7, 2006 07:41
Well . . . . these are the nicest comments I ever could have received . . . so much so that I am spending 25 minutes typing this message on my dingleberry because camping out on the boat with zach and have no computer. thanks for the terrific comments and support. you guys are the best . . . and REALLY funny, too. I am back in the saddle, wearing my rubber pants like a banzai war bandana, raging and raring to go. Monday, of course. today, zach cindy and I are walking down the lakefront to taste of chicago. it's one of the two dozen official crescenzo communications summer corporate outings. thanks again for stripping the urine-soaked rubber pants off me and rubbing them in my face until I woke up. have a great weekend. my fingers hurt so much after typing this message, I feel like a fat man stepped on my hand. how do people live on these things like they do?
Posted by steve c. | July 7, 2006 9:05 AM
Posted on July 7, 2006 09:05
Hurrah! Steve is back! Long time lurker- your blog is the 3rd site I hit every morning (after msnbc and eonline). Don't ever leave us again! You're hilarious and give so much insight into this insane world of corporate communications.
Posted by Amy | July 7, 2006 9:42 AM
Posted on July 7, 2006 09:42
Steve -
Don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that people MAY hate you is a great reason to get up in the morning and piss off some more people.
Not to sound like some freaky earth child, but I was just discussing with another communicator how there seems to be a grand cosmic funk over the universe lately. Maybe it's just global warming. Either way, maybe you can blame the cosmic funk.
Either way, this happy online community loves you. Ususally. Unless you say something to piss us off. And then we'll get over it. So soak up the sun when you need to, drink when you want to, and write when you're inspired.
Posted by Teala Kail | July 7, 2006 11:35 AM
Posted on July 7, 2006 11:35
Steve,
I read your blog and saw there weren't any responses yesterday afternoon, so I wrote this really great post to buoy you up. Guess it got lost in the great cosmic funk. Either way, this morning, I see you have 20 responses, so it's good to see your supporters are out in force.
Posted by Kevin Snow | July 7, 2006 12:35 PM
Posted on July 7, 2006 12:35
I think bloggers always have this moment when they realize it isn't just their handful of friends that are reading their blogs. For example, my boyfriend and I went to a classical music concert, and afterwards, my boyfriend blogged about not liking the conductor because he talked too much, sometimes even stopping a piece of music to give some context to it. The very next day, the conductor replied publicly to the post, thanking him for his comments but also referring to one of his criticisms as a "cheap shot." They actually ended up having a decent dialogue, emailing each other and discussing things like the importance of educating the audience and what an audience's expectations are. So it was all alternately harrowing, enlightening, embarassing and productive - like life.
Leave the neuroses (and marriages to people who are sort of, kind of your daughter) to Woody Allen. You talk about serious things in an incredibly funny way, which is helpful to us all. Just keep being yourself, and we'll all keep coming back - whether you like it or not!
Posted by Valarie | July 7, 2006 2:35 PM
Posted on July 7, 2006 14:35
Romper Room? Are you old enough to remember the magic mirror with the clothespins around the outside of it? Or is there an incarnation that is newer playing in Chicago?
Romper Room, jeez I haven't thought of that in over 40 years... Now THAT'S funny.
Posted by Suzanne Salvo | July 7, 2006 2:36 PM
Posted on July 7, 2006 14:36
I'll bet you have quite a few lurkers here, Steve. Those who have no talent for writing, but want to read and laugh every time they see that you've posted.
Keep up the good work. Your XML feed on My Yahoo is one that I'm always happy to see updated. It means more good times and bad mental images. Thanks!
Posted by Jonathan | July 7, 2006 3:04 PM
Posted on July 7, 2006 15:04
I've never heard of blogimpotence, but I hope it's not contagious. Welcome back,Steve.
Aside to t2ed:Great pun, I'm stealing it:-)
Posted by Glenn (Customer Service Experience) Ross | July 7, 2006 8:05 PM
Posted on July 7, 2006 20:05
Hi everybody. Now that I'm back at a real keyboard and have finally worked the cramps out of my fingers, I just wanted to thank everyone again for all the nice comments and support.
David Murray is right . . . blogs ARE so different than columns, and I just witnessed the biggest reason why: A column is a sermon, a blog is a community.
Columns are to blogs what leaving a voice mail is to an actual phone conversation.
Holy Shit, that might be brilliant, what I just wrote.
Anyway, I don't want to bore everybody by responding to all comments . . . but they made my entire weekend. So thanks.
Two people I have to respond to:
1. Mr. Ernie Banks. I'm so glad you've joined the group. Thank you again for signing my son's baseball last summer at Wrigley. One day, he'll be able to appreciate the fact that Mr. Cub shook his hand and gave him an autograph.
2. Eliot: The fact that I temporarily misplaced my testicles does not change or help the fact that you seem to have permanantly lost yours. There is a Testicle Lost and Found over on Halsted Street. You may want to go check for yours.
Talk to you Monday.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | July 8, 2006 12:35 PM
Posted on July 8, 2006 12:35
Steve, I can totally relate to your "blogimpotence". I have my own name for the condition - "blogstipation". I was just blogstipated for over a week. Between beachy distractions and "24" marathons,the words weren't exactly pouring out onto my blog. There's nothing wrong with having a little summer fever as long as we know it's curable.
Welcome back; you were missed!
P.S. Looking forward to seeing you in NY!
Posted by Kelly Kass | July 9, 2006 6:57 PM
Posted on July 9, 2006 18:57
Steve,
The BBQ was a great treat for me and my family. It was great seeing you and Cindy and finally meeting your wonderful son Zach. He has the personality of a teenager; I was blown away by his Baseball skills (Pitching ability). I haven’t played running bases in 30 years and I had a blast. I’ve been on vacation ever since and just read this post. (I don’t even watch TV or look at any news on vacation)
One correction! When you spend 63 hours going across country with your thumb, you develop these silver dollar size blisters on your feet. That freak (one of many) actually offered cash, sex, and new socks from the store, none of which I took. That was one of two quickest rides I had. The other quick ride was the drunken Indian who picked me up in AZ, he had a bottle of Southern Comfort and a 45 on the seat who wanted to take me up north on some business and then teach me how to shoot. I quickly envisioned myself naked tied to a cactus being pricked (and not by the cactus) then being used as target practice.
I too look forward to this blog! I have tons of down time here at my work and I always appreciate all of the replies too. It’s kind of like my orgasm for work. It’s quick, makes me feel good and puts a smile on my face.
Keep it up Steve and I hope to see you in September for CSNY.
Andy
Posted by AN | July 10, 2006 5:25 AM
Posted on July 10, 2006 05:25
Steve:
Love the blogs, which I read regularly. We have a local communicators group who use your blogs from time to time as debating points so I'm glad to see you're back.
Your regular, reliable honesty and plain-speak is engaging. (Had you not said otherwise, I would still be thinking you were just too busy with travelling and work to blog!)
Cheers - it is great to have you back.
Posted by Susan H | July 10, 2006 8:00 AM
Posted on July 10, 2006 08:00
Ernie Banks reads your blog and you're feeling SORRY for yourself????
Hey, maybe that's the answer to your blogimpotence. Think about baseball.
Now get back to work before we decide to send you to a penile colony.
Posted by Robert J Holland | July 10, 2006 2:06 PM
Posted on July 10, 2006 14:06
Steve:
I diagnose your condition as acute Blographobia. I prescribe an afternoon at a Cubs game, followed by a pitcher of Boodles gin martinis on your boat with beautiful Cindy watching the sun set on another day. That day is blessed, for you are in it. That’s our gift, and we cherish it.
Here's what you must remember, my dear friend Steve, the next time you are struck with a bout of Blographobia: Yes, we read your blog. I'd rather read you on one of your bad days than all the pompous-ass, self-styled gurus that populate our profession. You are an Icon.
And Steve, your comments about me touched me to my very soul. Coming from the Icon you are, that is warm and wonderful, if undeserved, praise indeed.
Lead on, my friend,
Les
Posted by Les Potter | July 12, 2006 11:07 AM
Posted on July 12, 2006 11:07
Les, God damnit, you just made me cry like a little sissy.
I'm trying to write the front page story for Corporate Writer and Editor, and you got me all weepy.
I love you.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | July 12, 2006 11:14 AM
Posted on July 12, 2006 11:14
You made me cry, too, my brother Les. But not like a sissy. That's Steve's department.
Robert
Posted by Robert J Holland | July 12, 2006 11:52 AM
Posted on July 12, 2006 11:52
Just wanted to let you know that this blog is what reminds me not to take myself (or my job) so seriously... which is exactly what helps me do my job better. This blog reminds me that communication is about telling whatever story is out there to be told...not just the one my clients (or superiors) think should be told. I guess the long and short of it: Your blog keeps me loose, makes me laugh and keeps me in search of the stories to be told everyday. Thanks!
Posted by KSP | July 13, 2006 3:26 PM
Posted on July 13, 2006 15:26
Just wanted to let you know that this blog is what reminds me not to take myself (or my job) so seriously... which is exactly what helps me do my job better. This blog reminds me that communication is about telling whatever story is out there to be told...not just the one my clients (or superiors) think should be told. I guess the long and short of it: Your blog keeps me loose, makes me laugh and keeps me in search of the stories to be told everyday. Thanks!
Posted by KSP | July 13, 2006 3:26 PM
Posted on July 13, 2006 15:26
Isn't it great to be comfortable with something that so many powerful people fear?
I'm talking, of course, about communication.
Posted by Robert J Holland | July 13, 2006 3:59 PM
Posted on July 13, 2006 15:59
Steve
I live and work in Asia and I read your blog.
Posted by Ina | July 14, 2006 12:00 AM
Posted on July 14, 2006 00:00