Why do Northerns insist on stereotyping Southerners? For that matter why do Italians assume all Germans will be anal-retentive? We all fall pry to racial preconceptions to some degree or other, but that's not always bad, is it? For instance, understanding and making allowances for cultural differences is considered a good thing when doing business internationally.

Isn't that a form of racial profiling?

Well, I don't know about the Germans . . . but I know I was guilty of stereotyping both of those drivers from the minute I got in their cars. And that's wrong.

Now, in the one case, the stereotype held true. But more often than not, it probably wouldn't.

But while we're at it, isn't: "Why do Northerners insist on stereotyping Southerners" sort of a stereotype of its own?

Hey, by the way: Can Cindy and I come and sleep on the floor of your villa next year for a couple of days. I can help tear down stone walls or plant olive trees or whatever else kind of work you need done at an Italian villa, to earn my keep.

Steve C.

Steve,
Arguments are not simple anymore. We live in a world where the lines of disagreement are crossed with bloodshed and mortally grave outcomes.

What if you did decide to argue and goad the first cab driver? Are you enough of a linguistic figure skater to use your sharp silver tongue to bend this man’s morals to be more in line with your view of the world during a twenty minute cab ride? Do you have the karate skills of Jet Li to thwart Bubba Gump when he tries to take you Ned Beatty style?

See I just imprinted my own North Eastern Yankee stereotypes on the cab driver’s culture. Even the most enlightened individuals carry preconceived notions about the unknown or foreign. It’s part of a protection mechanism bred into us from back when we were hunter gatherers. Is it right? No! But, one cab ride will not change the world.

Truly if you are guilt ridden over this encounter there are far more effective means to bring about change. You have a blog with a fairly high traffic rate. Do you think I was planning to spend my morning dwelling on the concept of racism? No, I wanted to work on my MySpace account, but your post raised awareness on an issue I haven’t thought about in awhile. Keep posting, keep writing, keep using your skills and sphere of influence. This is where you will bring about true change.

Steve, as you know I live in Knoxville TN and the one strange thing about the people in this town is that they don’t use the “N” word, even when they are in the process of making a racist statement. In fact they will talk loud and clear until the word comes up and then they whisper the word “black” and look around to make sure nobody heard as if they are afraid to talk about black people. This strange phenomenon happens even if they were simply saying “yeah go ask that (whisper black) guy over there”. STRANGE!

I believe there were also shirts worn around Chicago that year that read “Honky Fest”.

Steve I’m sure it’s been hard to forget your upbringing like myself. (And I don’t mean to say your was similar to mine, I’m just guessing) Having a dad (and father in-law as well as 90% of the dads in the hood) as a Chicago cop and a mom as a nurse in an E.R. that worked nights in a black neighborhood, my parents came home every day talking about the evil vile people that they had to deal with. Mom dealt with black people mostly but dad dealt with every race so basically I was raised not only a racist but that everyone outside my home was a violent drug using thief. They soon learned that some of those people lived in their own house!

Moving here to Knoxville 10 years ago and raising my kids with better (I think) morals than I grew up with I recently had to explain to my children what racism is. They had no idea what I was talking about but the subject came up in their lives and they asked a question and I realized then that I raised them pretty damn good.

I live in a pretty wealthy part of town and two doors down is a black family and I told my oldest to walk home with their daughter from the bus stop, strike up a conversation so she would have a friend her age. She did and soon more houses were built in this sub-division and they all take turns staying each others houses for sleepovers. I told the old man this and the first words out of his mouth were “you didn’t let a shine into your house did you”? He went on to tell me that it’s okay to have them as friends but you never socialize with them and Never! let them into your house. I immediately jumped all over him letting him know he is living in the past and it’s people like you that keep racism alive and well. He’s a lost cause…

Last Christmas I was at my Sister In-laws house for dinner and Dad in-law (ex cop) and brother in-law (born and raised in the south) and my family all at the table. There is a batch of cookies on the table and one in particular was a sugar cookie with a Hershey’s kiss stuck in the middle of it. There youngest (same age as my oldest) says to my kids “hey do you want a nigger tit?” and everyone laughed until they saw my face. The sister in-law let out a yell and it was over. My kids didn’t know what she was talking about anyway but I don’t want them to know. My last trip two trips to Chicago excluded a visit to their house. My wife will go but I make excuses for the kids and myself.

A rant about racism… so what was this about? Oh yeah, you should have picked number two.

I have known 6 people that went to Vietnam and they are all sane upstanding citizens, but they do know about killing people. This (shhh black) guy I work with (not directly) for 5 years now was in Nam and I never knew until about six months ago. This one guy was talking about his twenty years in the reserves which started the whole military conversation, which led to J.J. telling a story about getting high and watching this Vietcong getting blown apart by a .50 cal machinegun. You would never know by looking at him though.

Steve - this post has me so mixed up inside I'm not even sure what to say.

First - seeing the "N" word in print is always very disturbing for me. I'm not sure it was necessary. You referred to it as the "N" word in most of your post, I'm not sure why you felt the need to spell it out. Even if I were directly quoting someone I would never put that word in print. Ever. It's offensive and unnecessary. Drop F-bombs all over the place - that's fine. But to put a word into print that so fundamentally offends the majority of both black and white people to the core, I'm just questioning the choice. It's not like we wouldn't have known what you're talking about.

Anyway, I've written and rewritten my comment on this several times. I don't think I have anything valuable to say. You've dropped the N bomb before and I let it go. Julie told me I was overreacting. Maybe I am. I just thought that since it's affecting me this way I should say something.

Courageous blog, as always, Steve - racism, following on the heels of former blogs on sex, death, and religion. Good example of how a blog should be used - intimate social media. The writing speaks the value.

On this issue of racism, I recall, when Larry Ragan and I used to teach and write together, that, as we were both liberal Democrats, we'd often write and talk about racial injustice, and once I said something to him that he hadn't considered. Very unusual, because I was so much younger and looked up to him and he was an aggressive social reformer. I said: "I've never once - not once - met a racist who listened to anyone, then slapped his forehead with an open palm and said: 'My God, you're right. I'm a racist. It's wrong. Thanks. I'll change.'"

That never happens. So don't beat yourself up on the character issue in the cab. I know people who walk out of a room or out of a host's home when they hear racist comments. Good, fine. I agree.

But racists I know are usually people who like to reference American staples like "liberty" and "freedom"; offended if you ask them if, indeed, we mean it when we say all people are created equal; and consume the media commentaries of the right without realizing that they're simply enriching the purveyors of this packaged demagoguery, which often borders on explicit racism, and is the anti-thesis of the country's core values... You don't have to go South to find this. Go outside your door.

I guess it's more important to some people to cling to their self-image of being better than somebody else - the evidence is always lacking - than it is to be fair. Faulkner and Baldwin - and many other Southern writers - dramatize that point more clearly and movingly than I can. Twain's the master.

So, I said to Larry, sort of shocked that he accepted my point, "What's the penalty for racism?" And he said - I'll never forget this: "Being a racist is its own penalty."

And it's the most severe of penalties, because racists don't even know that they themselves prohibited their own humanity.

Patrick

P.S. Always a little abashed when you tell me that someone once told you you're a younger version of me. Never really believed it till yesterday when I met Cindy. Gratifying that you've learned the lesson: Marry above yourself. Excellent, Smithers.

This has been well covered territory here in the blog, but I always like words that make me sit up and take notice. That doesnt necessarily mean shock for shock's sake, and I certainly am not arguing for insulting people to get a rise out of em, but I'm a fan of telling a story in as straightforward and engaging a way as possible. So its OK with me.

Our business Prez just did a live webcast event where, towards the end, he must have been comfortable and "in the zone," because he busted out "...and that's bullshit!" right toward the end. I dont even know if HE knew he did it. And no one complained. No one. It was awesome, and a victory for the oft-discussed but seldom demonstrated "straight talk."

Oh, and "stereotypes" are "stereotypes" for a reason. They are not true in all cases of course, but if there wasn't some history, some grain of truth, they simply wouldn't exist. They are not an offensive concept to me at all. They can be dangerous and misused of course, but they are not inherently evil.

Neruda - I'm no sugarcoater, that's for sure...and I like people to make me sit up and take notice as well. It's just that word - whether it's directed at anyone or said in the interest of storytelling, it's too much. It invokes too much in me. I'm completely willing to accept that this is me.

Submitted for your consideration: Man A is involved in a minor fender bender with Man B, who just happens to belong to a different race. You can almost guarantee that while Man A is in his car and still out of earshot, he’s going to say something racist. And if he’s not saying it, he’s thinking it. (The same likely applies to Man B, come to think of it.) In some cases, Man A may indeed be a racist. In many other cases, though, he’s simply repeating something ugly he’s heard; something he fundamentally disagrees with, but which stuck with him nonetheless. You might call that cultural Tourette's Syndrome. The same thing happens in marital squabbles: harsh words uttered in the heat of battle don’t necessarily reflect our actual beliefs.

We learn from what we’re exposed to, and each of us is exposed to both good and bad. As much as we might like to think that we can unlearn the bad, it sticks with us. It’s not gone, just buried. Controlled. Maybe that partially explains why we don’t always speak out against racist comments and behavior whenever we encounter them – not being totally without sin, we’re afraid to cast the first stone.

Truth be known, Steve's blog offends me fairly often. But I tend to offend others on a regular basis too, especially because I suffer from inability-to-verbally-edit syndrome (which I'll be coordinating a 10K for in the next few months in case you want to sponsor me), but I look at Steve like SNL. The cast/writers on SNL sometimes go too far in my mind and I have to turn it off. And it's different for everyone. This post didn't bother me, but another post of Steve's I couldn't even finish.

But for Steve to erase offensive words from his vocabulary would be a relative task, because offensive words are relative to the different people on the blog. Make sense?

Steve,

You made a choice that wasn't the one the "best" you would have made - as my wise Gramma said to me frequently "Welcome to the human race! When you stop making mistakes you'll be God, until then learn something and keep moving!"

You could have (and lots of people would have) quietly forgotten all about this incident - You didn't. Instead you admitted (pretty publicly too!) that you made an unfortunate choice, and you started an intelligent conversation about choices, race, good parenting and a whole bunch of other healthy topics.

Thanks for keeping us all thinking and questioning and talking about important topics.

Kristen

I never use (that word), but gosh, it's another big step to say that we should never refer to it. Will I say, "Son, one of the words we never say is - oops, I said we never say it!" or must I say "Mark Twain used (a certain word) in 'Huckleberry Finn' but you'll have to guess which word I mean because I never say it."

I've seen people suggest that we should never name (that guy who led Germany in the 40s).

Next thing you know we will have discussions about whether (word A)is more likely to offend than (word B)- without ever mentioning them. Sounds like blind - oops, visually-different - people playing "I Spy".

The map is not the territory, and naming a word is not the same as labelling someone with it.

"And it's the most severe of penalties, because racists don't even know that they themselves prohibited their own humanity. Patrick"

Patrick---I never took philosophy in school because I was sure, as much as I loved words, I could not wade thru all the verbal BS about ethereal concepts. BUT I have consistently enjoyed your observations and how you put them. I would take philosophy if you were teaching! =)

Laurel

Laurel - Tell it to my students at Loyola. They think I'm a sort of diverting geezer.

Come to one of my workshops or webinars - You can be "grasshopper," just as Steve is "Smithers." - Patrick

It's a shame that two very insignificant people, as they relate to your business / teaching trip, were able to negatively impact your impression of your trip to the south. Hopefully, you have a few good memories tucked back behind the bad ones. Maybe, they'll even float to the surface one of these days.

The information you shared while you were in Tennessee was well received, and left us excited about the communication possibilities for our company. I am surprised that the only issue from your trip that you chose to discuss in your blog was your "character flaw" based on the ridiculous encounters with the drivers to and from the airport, which make some horrible stereotypical statements about Southerners. Trust me; we're not all like that!

Personally, I enjoyed your visit. Your teaching style is not only educational; it's entertaining. I'm sorry that you viewed your visit as "total failure."

Steve:
We know that the most important part of communication is listening, in which you were fully engaged with both drivers, therefore - be assured that you are neither a "weak person" or a "rotten judge" of character. You exemplified the highest standards of communication.

I met Jesse Jackson a few years ago in Minneapolis. I was asked to help secure his safety and security at a speaking engagement at my church. Prior to this event, I had only heard him speak on late night talk shows. My expectations of his message were not high, in spite of my liberal beliefs and character, to say the least.

But when he spoke, I was riveted.

Prior to stepping up to the podium, I unintentionally intruded, catching Rev. Jackson in a moment of private prayer. After he spoke, he thanked the crowd, and then me, and others, personally. I thought of him as holy.

Everyone has perceptions based on experiences.

Listening is key. You do that admirably.

As someone who loves to cook, I like the sieve as metaphor.

Best,
Rebecca

Terri:

WAIT!!!!!! The BUSINESS part of the trip was a complete and total success. You guys were great, and I think we got a LOT done in two days.

That part was fantastic. Couldn't have better. And I LOVE the south. I don't think everyone is like those guys. In fact, those guys weren't even that bad.

I was more commenting on my screwed upedness, not theirs. Or, at least I was trying to.

But the work we did down there was terrific, and you guys were great.

Rebecca: I'll have to address your comments in a subsequent post, as I have to get Zach to his football game.

Steve C.

Wow.

This is now officially my favorite post/discussion of the blog, and my least favorite.

It's my favorite because of the comments. A N, your stories hit home, because I still occassionally go to the south side, where we both grew up . . . and it saddens me to no end that nothing much has changed there.

One guy I know told me with disgust that he realizes it's "politically incorrect" to use the n word . . . so now he and his buddies, when they want to spew venom, refer to blacks as "Canadians."

As in, "Fucking Canadians just moved into a house three blocks from me."

Like you, A N, I got out of that neighborhood, and that mindset, a long, long time ago, and never looked back.

But it's still there--the neighborhood AND the mindset---as big as ever.

Rebecca . . . sorry if I offended you. I chose to spell the word out because I wanted to share the fear I felt that he was going to say it and I wouldn't be strong enough to tell him how I feel about it.

When you get right down to it, a word is just a word . . . unless you give it more power than it deserves.

Rebecca Swanson: I've heard Jesse Jackson is one of the most charismatic man you can ever hope to meet . . . like Bill Clinton, you can't be within fifty feet of him without feeling it. I'd like to see him speak some day, though I don't agree with a lot of what he does.

But this is also my least favorite blog/comments because I managed to tick off one of my favorite clients!

Terri, I'm really sorry if the post left the impression that the trip was a failure in every sense.

It was a failure because I disappointed myself by pandering to the first driver, and then missing the boat on the second one.

But I met about 80 people while I was down there, and I liked 79.5 of them a ton. (I really liked the second driver a lot; his Marine story only made me like him more; I was just pissed because I misjudged him).

You guys were all great . . . and the work part of things was one of my favorite projects ever.

I was just so overwhelmed with disappointment in myself that that is what bubbled to the surface first, when I started to write about the trip.

Steve C.

Just to sort of resolve this issue into a bit of humor, one of my favorite "Monty Python" skits - you hardly see it anymore - is a talk show on racism, the point of which is to advance racism. And, in the skit, the issue for that night's show is "Let's find a derogatory term for the Belgians, since there doesn't seem to be one." One caller suggests "Lugens." The next: "Waffle-eaters." Then: "Big, fat Begian bastards." The last one: "Let's not call them anything; let's just ignore them."

Patrick, the papist Mick (Irish Catholic)

I wish I knew which post Elaine couldn't finish. I thougt I'd read them all, but now I'm afraid I'm missing something!

Laurel - Tell it to my students at Loyola. They think I'm a sort of diverting geezer. Come to one of my workshops or webinars - You can be "grasshopper," just as Steve is "Smithers." - Patrick
* * * * * * * *
Oh, didn't know you already were an instructor, and at Loyola too! I seem to have this affinity for Catholic teaching, even when I don't know I'm getting it! (although I'm not one, and my very Irish Catholic friend Megan says I'm the only non-Catholic she knows who is "swimming upstream" TOWARDS the faith). Hehe, Immaculate Heart of Mary tattoo on my shoulder notwithstanding.

Grass-hoppette it is: "When you can snatch the AP Stylebook from my hand....When you can walk on a path of your monthly newsletters laid end-to-end without leaving a footprint..." =)

Just goes to show you -- you never know what's going on in someone's mind. Scary, huh?

Just goes to show you that you never know what's going on in someone else's mind. Scary, huh?

"The Devil knows more by being old than he does by being the Devil."

-Steven Burda

steven.burda.mba @gmail.com