That reminded me of the time I introduced my son-in-law to a former boss. The boss said, "You married into *HIS* family?" I told my son-in-law to tell the boss to go f*** himself -- that he had married into a fine family -- but my son-in-law had better people skills. Oh, and by the way, my moron boss was in public relations also.

Steve-

More and more I see people with no people skills in positions of public interaction. At the least it can be annoying and at the worst cause serious damage to a companies credibility and image. The one rude dude at Lowes has turned me of from shopping there for the near future.

I have a very good friend with Alopecia and it does add a whole new dimension to his life. I for one had no idea that you had Alopecia - I just thought you were one of those bold guys who liked the ultra high and tight look.

Eyebrows or not you are bringing a great message with a sincere and bold style that the world needs. Keep it up and I totally apologize for the Uncle Fester meets Seth Godin reference. http://www.thinkjose.com/digital-native-meets-digital-immigrant/ (feel free to talk about my sweet lowrider with dub spinners and green card status)

Yeah, me, too. I attended two of your seminars and thought you looked perfectly normal. It wasn't until you brought it up on your blog that I had to really concentrate on whether I recalled seeing eyebrows, eyelashes, etc.

As for the evil PR people you encountered, my bet is that they came from broadcast media. We're kind of tactless.

Remember those kids in elementary school who made fun of you? One boy used to call me "Bald Eagle" because I have a high forehead, not circus-freak-Cone-Head high, but high. I'm thinking this woman from the conference was one of those kids.

The upside: 99% of us are caring, compassionate people who were the ones being teased, or, if we were the teasers, we cringe at the thought of it now as adults. Seriously, at this point in life, who cares what you look like if you're kind, caring, compassionate and good at what you do?

Your bald head gives you character. And your self-deprecating style has only endeared you to many.

Well, my two cents is that I've observed that people who spend an inordinate amount of time on what they look like on the outside, have little time left to spend on what they're like on the inside.

I went bald in my '40's (mainly out of imitation of you, Steve - the highest form of flattery, with a little Michael Jordan and Sean Connery thrown in). I can't tell you how many times people have asked me things like, "Where'd you leave your comb?" Or: "How did you handle that tragedy"?

Finally, I had enough. A former boss asked: "Have you ever considered plugs?" I said: "No: Have you ever considered manners?" A woman once asked: "When did you start losing your hair?" I said: "About the time your figure started to sag. But at least I can buy a hat."

I know this reflects poorly on me - but with my head, everything reflects on whomever I'm speaking with, if you get my drift."

A blessing, nevertheless, that Cindy and Rebecca take us for the loving, smart, funny, hard-working guys we are. And, not to put to fine a point on it, mechanics in the sack.

Ever met the spouses of dicourteous people? Says it all. "Revenge," as another baldy, C. Montgomery Burns, observes, "is a dish best served cold."

Pat

HA!

Thanks, everyone. Will, it appears that some of these PR People spend all their politeness skills professionally, and have nothing left for their personal relationships, maybe.

Shari and Eileen: I'm actually one of the very LUCKY Alopecians, in that I have a nice shaped head, and prominent enough eyebrow bones (I don't know what they're really called)so that you don't notice the lack of eyebrows right away. So I can, on good days, almost pull off normal.

Patrick: You said it, brother. Nothing in nature soars higher than the bald eagle. Plugs? I'd rather have one in my . . . never mind.

And Jose! Is this the same Jose that I met down in Tennessee recently, at the luncheon? If so, welcome to the blog, and thanks for reading it.

I still want to interview you on the new media for Ragan Report. And if it's a different Jose Castilla, welcome to the blog anyway.

Onward and upward!

Steve C.

The rudeness of people never seems to amaze me. My youngest son, as I think I've mentioned here before, is of mixed race. I am amazed at the people who will come up to me "Is he yours?" Ummmmm, yeah. "No, I mean, is he YOURS?" You are f***ing kidding me, right? Seriously? I've known you all of 5 minutes and you want to analyze my family tree? What difference does it make if he's biologically mine or adopted mine. He's my son. Period. Are you going to think of me differently? Treat me differently depending on the answer? If so, even less of a reason for me to humor you with any sort of response. It's degrading and aggravating and disappointing.

Then my favorite, when they see my husband, who is also caucasian like me..."Where's his dad?" Ummmmm, right there, pointing to my husband. "No, his other dad?" There are no words. I actually pulled a Patrick once and said "Probably with your tact."

Oh, I had a point, and then I clicked Post before I made it.

Obviously the people I'm dealing with are not PR people. But they are professionals, and humans and still know better. For some reason, when people think about personal things, they can and will act in a very unprofessional inhuman way. When thinking about business it's all business. But the minute someone, anyone starts thinking about someone in a personal way, which is very easy to do with you, Steve...and apparently with me...all tact and business sense goes right out the window.

Bald is beautiful, true; however, I sincerely suspect it is optional, even for people with Alopecia. I recently happened to hear something from my wise and wonderful Health Kinesiology practitioner, Debra Lee Pecora, about using colloidal silver on the head to restore hair growth, and I wouldn't put it past her or HK as a practice to have a way to undo Alopecia, should one want to. I know firsthand all she and HK have done for me and many of my friends. Now dismiss this information if you must, these links I will attach below; I am merely a longtime client and not a seller or anyone who benefits financially from sending you this information. I just think more people should know that SO MUCH of what they think is incurable really isn't (except perhaps rude people). It doesn't cost much, takes little or no effort on your part, other than to get to an HK practitioner or just call one. If they can't help you with Alopecia, they will surely let you know.

http://www.subtlenergy.com/articles/article_index.htm

http://www.subtlenergy.com/teacher/DebraLeePecora.htm

If it walks like a quack and quacks like a quack, it's probably a quack.

Rebecca:

God DAMN the sons of bitches. Let's you and I start saving all the rude comments, and we'll write a book.

Kathy: I've always said, "If someone gave me a pill and said, 'take this and you'll grow all your hair back,' that I wouldn't take it."

Once you get used to it, having no hair is actually wonderful. Cindy, for one, would probably divorce me if I grew all my body hair back. Once you get used to the silky smoothness, the hairlessness, it's hard to imagine laying down with a big gross hairball again.

It takes me one minute to shower, no minutes to dry and comb my hair. I never have bad hair days. I never have to clean the drain in the shower. It eliminates so many of the problems in life.

In fact, I feel sorry for all you Yuppies with your hair. I don't know how you deal with it.

Steve C.

Steve,
I've always thought your hairlessness was part of what made you so quirky and interesting. I thought it was a stylistic choice.

As others have said so well, your open, friendly personality reduces social formality, which is a great thing. Unfortunately, it can also leave you wide open to careless insults.

Without diminishing the sensitivity of this issue for you, I think that your friendly confidence is much more appealing than hairiness.

Wait!! Is this Carmen Ramson Herzig, formerly of Sachs, that just wrote?

If it is, Carmen I received your publication in the mail, and it's unbelievable. I want to profile it . . . but you didn't put an e-mail address on there and I'm afraid of the phone.

Is this you? Can you let me know how to reach you?

Steve

Steve, people are cretins. And I say this as a person. Your story reminds me how we should all fall back on the technical writers' credo: "Assume your audience knows nothing."

Matt:

Great advice. And not just for technical writers, either. ALL writers in the corporate world should go into every interview, every story, assuming that people know nothing.

You'll be right far more often than not.

Steve C.

Carmen - You are so right..."your open, friendly personality reduces social formality" - I have commented to close friends often that people will say things to me that they won't say to other people. I am outgoing, free-spirited, I have very little "personal space" if you will. I point out my own flaws, break them down, laugh at them. I believe it's this very trait, this openness, that leads people to a place of informality with me. Usually it's great! I put people at ease. They trust me. They relate. But at the same time, I leave the door so wide open that they see all the dustbunnies and then feel the need to ask about them or comment on them. It's surreal.

Steve, I have to say that I’ve known you with hair, with patches of hair missing and completely hairless. If it’s any consolation to you, I believe the first time I saw you completely hairless was in New Orleans and I didn’t even notice. And I know you! When I was told I still didn’t know you were completely hairless until it was mentioned. So for what it’s worth, I think you can put it a little further back in your mind.
When you can shave a big C (Cubs) on your chest you’re pretty hairy, and you would not only be cleaning the drain in the shower but power all the way to the street!

Steve---I stand agape with the rest of the bloggers at how rude people can be.

I can't remember what caused me to say this to someone once, but I needed a quick comeback to something, so I looked down at his or her feet, then let my gaze travel back to his or her face. "What's the matter?" the cretin said. "It's just that I really admire your balance and pronunciation." "Huh?" "I just don't get how you stand there with one foot in your mouth, not fall over and still get the words out."

I never noticed the eyebrow thing until you mentioned it poolside in AZ, and heard the baby seal comment for the first time. One of my very favorite human beings on the planet is a guy I work with---before I knew him, I heard him saying something to another person in the hall, kinda loud voice, too: "What else would you expect from a guy who's 6-4 and 300 pounds?" Yeah, this is a big, incredibly funny and smart guy, but there's something very endearing about putting your SUPPOSED flaw out there for everyone to see, it demystifies and takes the sting out, kind of like giving a big F*CK you to anyone who would whisper such things behind your back.

Anyhow, screw both those tactless wenches. Guaranteed they have few friends and wonder why.

Laurel =)

Hi Steve: I was in Chicago (one of the best Ragan conferences in a long time) but "unfortunately", didn't get to meet your PR friend. What a peach. I sometimes think we're surrounded by their kind. Onward and upward.

I think I was at that conference in Boston and if I remember correctly, the eyebrow smearer was a former television reporter. That was at the Fairmont Copley Plaza wasn't it? The hotel with the cool martini flasks.

Hi Steve!
Yes, it's me, Carmen Ramson-Herzing, formerly of Saks Incorporated!

Thank you so much for your excitement about my publication. I'd be thrilled to have it profiled. Many good people contributed to it.

You can email me at carmen.ramsonherzing@dlapiper.com

My husband once told me, "You expect too much of people."

I asked, "Why?"

His reply: "You expect people to be decent, kind and sensible when, in fact, most are not." I disagreed.

This story, unfortunately, gives him one more point in our contest.

He is winning 3465 to 2.

Thank God for martinis.

My husband once told me, "You expect too much of people."

I asked, "Why?"

His reply: "You expect people to be decent, kind and sensible when, in fact, most are not." I disagreed.

This story, unfortunately, gives him one more point in our contest.

He is winning 3465 to 2.

Thank God for martinis.

Well, I'm not sure what the heart of courtesy is - but I recall two anecdotes.

In one, Cary Grant is at a formal dinner next to an ingenue from the sticks, who drank out of her finger bowl. His response: He drank out of his. The essence of grace.

Another: I was holding focus groups on the topic of on-site day-care some place, and a woman opposed the idea, on the grounds that she didn't intend to have children: "What do I care about the child of a stranger?" The essence of discourtesy.

Bald is the new black!

Patrick

A few examples of my own:

I worked for a senior vice president who, in his first conversation with me (less than a week after I joined the company), referred to one of my co-workers as a "dead man walking." Said co-worker was fired a few weeks later.

I had a high school English teacher who, in front of the entire class and on the pretext of reinforcing the literary merits of vivid narrative, described me as emaciated and sallow. I fired back by describing him as a cynical, washed-up civil servant. (Even in Grade 11, I didn’t put up with that kind of crap. And as I recall, I finished the year with an A in that class.)

On her first day on the job, our company’s new event planner sat down next to me at an official function, introduced herself, and then blurted, "Is that all you do, the employee newsletter?"

My aunt and uncle – who, for what I assume were medical reasons, never had children – got tired of tactless people asking the whys and wherefores. Whenever my aunt was asked when they planned to start a family, she replied, "He’s a slow reader and hasn’t finished the book."

So, as we've learned from this thread, the lack of people skills doesn't seem to hold folks back from any job, including PR.

Hi. First of all I must tell you that I admire your ability to laugh at yourself as well as make yourself vulnerable on this blog. I work with the public and often wonder when parents stoped teaching manners to their children.

The other thing I wanted to ask is if you attended Columbia college in the early 90s. I remember a column in the paper that I read every week with your name on it. At least I think it was your name.

Do you have any of those articles? I remember laughing so hard I cried. I'd love to get my hands on one.

Hi, Lisa! I was about to bring the whole parenting thing into it . . . I think that has a LOT to do with it. I work with my son on respecting others and being kind to people every single day . . . because it all begins with me.

YES! I was that columnist. "Crescenzo's Club." The publisher at Ragan right now, Jim Ylisela, was my faculty advisor on the paper . . . and he would get called into the dean's office every single week, it seemed.

People either loved me or hated me, but most people at least read it.

Mike: "Is that all you do, the employee newsletter?" How did you not say, "Is that all you do, say stupid shit?"

KEN! I think it was at the Fairmont. Do you actually remember the Great Fake Eyebrow Smearing Incident? I'd love to hear from someone who was there . . . it got all blurry for me. Maybe because I had makeup smudged into my eye.

AN: Ah, remember the days of the patches of hair missing? Those were bad days. The wind was my sworn enemy. I'd carefully comb over all the patches, only to have the first gust of wind screw it all up. I'd much rather be bald.

Steve C.

Lisa - yes...when DID parents stop teaching their children manners indeed! Wretched little things, I'm a cub scout leader, I would know. I go to huge functions and wonder, when did children stop listening to adults? We've enabled our children with so much self-esteem, their now over-inflated egos truly do believe they don't have to listen to anyone, or consider anyone else's feelings before they open their large mouths.

I, too, Steve, try to teach my children humility and respect for all people, no matter their physical appearance on any ground. I'm proud to say that my youngest, at age 5, when other kids in his class were making fun of an overweight teacher stood up and shouted, "stop it, you're going to hurt her feelings and that's not nice!" You go, Owen.

Our office manager at one point, when someone was grieving the loss of their grandmother actually said to me "well, they knew she was going to die, what's the big deal?"

Well, I have to add this, to the discussion on courtesy.

I travel some on business, sometimes in other countries. I know, Steve, you've been to Helsinki and Barcelona this year, probably Canada, and are going to Warsaw and London. (Safe tarvels.) Everyone abroad is unfailingly courteous and accommodating. Great hosts. Building the profession together, etc.

But, pretty soon after the work and you're talking informally over drinks, they express their contempt for the current occupant (Bush). When I ask why, they say that it's not so much policy as personality. The most common reason I get: "He's not courteous."

As, indeed, I suppose, he's not. Perhaps the perception of courtesy will figure large in the next presidential election. Whom would that favor?

Unless my anecdotal research fails me.

Patrick

Pat:

I think your anecdotal evidence is spot on. I think the Europeans have it all over us when it comes to courtesy and respect . . . at least in their personal dealings, anyway. I mean, the notion that French are rude? I've been to France six or seven times--both the country and the big cities--and I've found them to be unfailingly polite.

Rebecca: Go Owen go. My proudest moment as a parent so far is when my son told me that this one kid in his class, who has a lisp and "talks funny" came up to a group of kids, including Zach, and asked if he could play.

Every kid said no except for mine. Zach not only welcomed him in, but also made sure he through the ball to him.

Now, the kid is a regular part of the group.

(Okay, maybe my proudest moment was his second football game, when he got three sacks . . . but they're neck and neck.)

Steve C.

Speaking of getting along with others, how whould you like to have been Paul Allen at Lakeside School in 1968, when your geeky pal wanted to play around with primitive computers, then he turned out to be Bill Gates?

I don't think many of us haven't had some idiot make fun of us for some ridiculous superficial trait at some time in our lives.

As a person without children of my own, but who still lives in the world with other people's kids, I would like to salute all you parents who are trying to teach your children politeness and more importantly, kindness, because they are the next generation and thanks to your efforts someone else's child may have the confidence and self-respect to grow up and become the kind of talented professional (with a wicked sense of humour) that Steve is.

When we're all in our Depends we'll be looking to your kids for our blog laughs so thanks for your efforts!

Kristen

Patrick:

Interesting comments about the locals' perception of a U.S. president. Way back in [OLD FART REVELATION ALERT] about 1979 I had similar conversations with locals in Switzerland about another sitting U.S. president -- Jimmy Carter. After a few drinks, one of them actually was weeping over the possibility that Carter was going to sell out the free world to the former Soviet Union. And Carter is actually a pretty courteous guy. The point is Europeans are always watching U.S. presidents very closely.

Will

Steve,

Just want you to know that the PR woman in question has hired me as her PR counsel on this matter.

She wants me to let all your readers know that she is an alcoholic and has checked into a rehab clinic. She also wants me to let you all know that she was abused by a baby seal as a child.

She'll have more to say about all of this following her rehab, at which time she'll write a book and do the talk-show circuit.

Robert

Steve - I was pretty proud of Owen this weekend when he completed his first pass AND had a solid sack on D. (We're small, poor Owen never leaves the field in our games. He's QB AND on defense!)

My son is actually involved in a pretty good group of friends. Once we had a slumber party and a little boy was scared and crying and wanted to go home. At 3AM. I was ready to kill him. The boys all got out of their sleeping bags, sat around him while I called his mom. "It's all right" they kept saying. "We all get scared sometimes." There have been other times when boys have come over to spend the night and one will say "Mrs. Crum, be sure to leave the light on - Roger can't sleep without the light on." One boy has to bring a stuffed animal with him. No one teases him.

It gives me hope for the future and so happy that my son has a great group of boys as his friends. Your PR person could learn a lot from this group of 4th graders.

Carter? 1979? Kristen, Will is already in Depends! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .

Robert, I was going to do a blog item about the hot new PR strategy: When you screw up, go to rehab. The Pat O'Brien Strategy.

At least I know that when I screw up, as I'm sure I will, and go into rehab, at least everyone will believe that I was an alcoholic. Everyone who knows me, anyway.

Rebecca, I want my son to play with your son. Can you get him into that group? My son's real funny. They'll like him.

Steve C.

Steve:

I agree with the other bloggers that your bald head just adds to your already terrific and endearing personality.

Your story reminded me of a PR person I used to work with - another queen of tact. We had a jewelry fair at work, and I bought a new necklace. She said to me, "Great! Now you won't wear that other one you have on EVERY day." I was so flabbergasted I didn't know what to say. A friend of mine said that I should have responded that it was my grandmother's favorite necklace and that on her deathbed she gave it to me and told me to wear it every day and think of her. Ha!

Boy, I just never tire of stories about rude people. I just love em. Love to be around when they happen, too. High comedy, I tell ya. Laughing at them (and at yourself, if the occasion calls for it) is always the best response.

And you don't need a snappy retort either, although those are excellent when the occasion presents itself. Just look the fool dead in the eye and say "Wow. THAT was inappropriate." And was for the realization and discomfort and rationalization (very seldom apologies however) to start.

*make that WAIT for the realization... etc*

BOO to comments that cannot be edited!

I still can't quite get over the eyebrow story. I cannot believe someone would go so far as to reach out and smear one with her thumb. Ridiculous.

You should have responded by asking her if her breasts were real.

Steve:
YES! But he'd have to come to *shhhhh* Indiana. ;)

Neruda: I'm always looking for the witty response that I don't think about until it's too late. You're response is perfect.

Booooo not having a witty response. Hooray telling it like it is!

The eyebrow thing is the most horrible thing I've ever heard. I don't even 'mommy-spit' my close friends. Can't imagine doing it to a stranger.

Jim!!!!

God DAMN that's what I should have done? Asked her if her breasts were real, then when she said yes, said, "Really?" and reached over with both hands and given her a two-handed clown horn honking.

Then sat back and said, "Hey, you're right." Or better yet, "I knew you were lying."

Steve C.

Exactly. And then vigorously wiped your hands with a cocktail napkin.

You know that detective show "Monk" on USA Friday nights about the genius obsessive-complusive investigator? Whenever he's forced to shake hands with someone, he automatically reaches behind him and his assistant puts a "wipe" in his hands.

I'm thinkin' - best practice.