First, I want to apologize for not posting out here for a while . . . and also apologize to all the folks who have been trying to comment, but haven’t been able to. It seems the blog was hijacked.
I have no idea what that means. But the IT folks at Ragan told me that hackers or spammers or hackers and spammer together first hijacked the comments section, then the entire blog . . . which was why for a while you saw content from 2005 up there.
But it’s fixed now, and I have two weeks worth of stuff to write about!
First, you should know I’m in London . . . after three wild days in Warsaw. I’m writing this at about 4 in the morning, and have to get ready soon to go down and do the second day of the Master Class.
To give you a sense of place, allow me to describe my hotel room in the Kensington Close hotel.
It’s small. And I’m big. It’s a horrible combination. I now know where Jonathon Swift got the inspiration for the Land of Lilliput in Gulliver's Travels. He must have stayed in the Kensington Close hotel. I feel like a troll in a hobbit hole.
My legs and arms are covered with bruises because I keep banging into the corners of things.
When you open the door, it hits the desk. You have to squeeze by the desk to get to the bed. When you sit on the toilet, your legs touch the walls on either side. Everything is tiny . . . even the water glasses in the bathroom are just a tad bit bigger than shot glasses.
When I took my alka seltzer last night, after a wonderful meal with Marc Wright and his merry band of British colleagues, I had to take it one tablet at a time, because that’s all the glass would hold.
And you know what? I love it! Because I’m in London! I’m quaffing ale and eating bangers and mash and mushy and we had a great crowd for the Master Class yesterday and another one lined up for today.
I have so many stories to tell you about Warsaw and London, I don’t know where to begin. But let me start with how I got my new nickname: Mr. Proper.
It happened in Warsaw. My hosts there, the GFMP Management Consultants group, were fantastic people. And fantastic drinkers. There are only ten people in the company, and they’re all young and smart.
Their operation made me think of Rolling Stone magazine back in its heyday, in the late 60s. And the owner, Bogdan Dabrowski, is the Polish Jann Wenner. He’s smart, charming, and wickedly funny.
I was lucky enough to have two dinners with Bogdan and his crew. Both lasted more than four hours. I think there was an unwritten rule that nobody at the table, including me, could leave until Bogdan was ready to leave.
And Bogdan never wanted to leave. He just kept ordering bottle after bottle after bottle of wine. It was beautiful.
At one point, about 2 in the morning during Dinner #2, I remember arguing with Bogdan about Hemingway and Scott Fitzgerald. He hated Hemingway, who is one of my literary heroes. Thus the argument.
Although he spoke fairly good English, he liked speaking in Polish better, so the argument was done through one of his employees, the great and beautiful Dominika, who translated for us.
Arguing literature with a fiercely intelligent man through a beautiful translator after you’ve had sixteen bottles of wine is a truly magnificent, scary experience. It went something like this:
Bogdan: (Talks rapidly and excitedly and a little bit angrily in Polish for three full minutes, gesturing at me. The only words I understand are “Hemingway” and “Fitzgerald,” which sounds like Faisgeroh.)
Dominika: “Bogdan says Hemingway was an alcolohic and he shouldn’t have betrayed Fitzgerald by writing about him the way he did in “A Moveable Feast.”
Now, the man had spoken for three full minutes, so I know he said a lot more than that. I imagine the real translation was something like:
Bogdan: “Tell our fat little American friend that Hemingway was a drunk, a fraud, and a son of a bitch. In order to compensate for his own feelings of inadequacy, he killed innocent animals with guns, cheated on all his wives, drank himself nearly to death, and when he couldn’t live with his own cowardice anymore, he betrayed all his friends by writing personal things about them, then blew his cowardly head off with a shotgun and left his family to deal with the mess.”
But Dominika probably didn’t want to get into all that.
Anyway . . . before the Hemingway debate, Bogdan and were talking, through Dominika, about the state of employee communications in Poland.
Bogdan was struggling to find the exact right word for something, and Dominika said to me:
“He is looking for a word close to proper, but he doesn’t want to say proper because it might insult you.”
Insult me? Proper? That wouldn’t insult me, I told her. It wouldn’t describe me, but it wouldn’t insult me, either. I was confused.
“Why would saying proper insult me?” I asked.
“Because there is a brand of cleaner in Poland, and it features a big bald man with bulging muscles, named Mr. Proper, and he doesn’t want you to think he is calling you Mr. Proper.”
I finally figured it out: Poland’s version of Mr. Clean is called Mr. Proper!
I am Mr. Proper!
So let it be written, so let it be done. From now on, I will only answer to Mr. Proper. And I will only refer to myself in the third person from now on as well.
My wife Cindy is winging her way to London as I write this, and she lands this morning. I can’t wait to unveil the new nickname and the new way of talking to her. I’ve already got some things planned:
“Mr. Proper would like to have sex, and then go see Big Ben.”
“Mr. Proper thinks you should sleep in the hallway, as this hotel room is only big enough for Mr. Proper.”
“When you’re in London, Mr. Proper expects you to ride the Tube constantly. And maybe take the subway, too.”
This is going to be great fun.
Oh, by the way, I have tons of stories about Warsaw and London . . .and many of them actually have to do with employee communications. I’ll be unloading them here starting later today, so check this spot frequently
Comments (17)
Mr. Proper...I love it! I love it like I would marry it. You must talk more about the food, Steve, THE FOOD!
Posted by Rebecca (token IT Goddess) | October 27, 2006 8:03 AM
Posted on October 27, 2006 08:03
Mr. Proper, enough with that Fitzgerald/Hemingway crap -- please tell us more about Dominika.
Will
Posted by Will Daniel | October 27, 2006 8:07 AM
Posted on October 27, 2006 08:07
Bogdan is exactly as you describe him, Steve. I recall, when I was there giving that talk, at the first four-hour, sixteen-bottle of wine dinner, he ordered a suckling pig, and here it was, with an apple in its mouth - and he sent it back. Too undercooked, then another one came.
And Dominicka - yes, every Naploean needs a Josephine. (Every Barack Obama needs a Michelle?)
Warsaw was fascinating, after their rebuilding ("Schindler's List") and freedom from the Soviets (Gadansk, Walensa). I remember it as drenched in vodka and cathedrals with plaques to the previous, Polish pope.
And the attenders were so intent on using Employee Communications to support free markets. How was your rhythm with the translator?
Did you uncover their contempt for Bush? I did.
Roger D'Aprix gave the talk the year before me, and generously recommended me for the next conference, and I recommended you. So - next year? You, me, and Jim Ylisela?
Ask the Brits what they think of Helen Mirren in "The Queen."
And come home safe to the loving arms of the City with Broad Shoulders. Urlacher tells me Sunday's game's for you.
Pat
Posted by patrick williams | October 27, 2006 10:19 AM
Posted on October 27, 2006 10:19
Thanks, Mr Proper. Great to have you back. I missed living vicariously through your blog.
E
Posted by Eileen | October 27, 2006 1:12 PM
Posted on October 27, 2006 13:12
Hi Steve/Mr Proper... I've just had the pleasure of meeting you for the first time and spending two days larning from you and the folk at simply-communicate.com at their Internal Communications Masterclasses in London at the Kensington Close Hotel (aka The Hobbit Hotel). I had a great time, learnt loads, met some new and interesting co-communicators and just thought I'd send you a link to the 'Mr Propre' (but known as 'Mr Clean' in the US) website, as this just happens to be one of the products my company own/markets (Procter & Gamble - pg.com)...
So, checkout the website and let me us what you think of the image of 'Mr Propre/Clean' himself :
www.homemadesimple.com/sites/en_US/mrclean
Hope you and your wife enjoy your weekend in London and that you get to Ronnie Scott's after all! (oops, didn't mean to insert that exclamation mark! Doh there I go again...)
Take care for now and hope to keep in touch.
Karen (P&G UK)
Posted by Karen | October 27, 2006 2:30 PM
Posted on October 27, 2006 14:30
Steve,
Great job in London! You were simply smashing.
Kelly
Posted by Kelly Kass | October 28, 2006 7:16 AM
Posted on October 28, 2006 07:16
Rebecca:
The food . . . oh, the food. From the roast duck with cherry sauce and beef loin tartare in Poland, to the leg of lamb I Marc Wright treated me to in England, to the pappardelle with hare and venison Cindy and I shared at this little Italian place we found in Kensington . . . . the food has been unbelievable.
But last night took the blue ribbon. For my 40th birthday, Cindy took me to a place called Coq D'Argent, which is French for "Holy Shit, this is good eats."
We started with a couple dozen oysters and a bottle of champagne; then Cindy had fois gras and I had the absolute best smoked salmon---from Scotland---that I have ever had.
Then we moved on to the meats. Cindy had the house special, Coq au vin. I've had it at a farmhouse in the south of France, and this was better than that.
I had lamb again . . . and it was perfect, washed down with one of the best wines I've ever tasted--a Marques De Riscal, 2002 Rioja. As good as it was, the sommelier told us that the 2001 is even better, if you can find it, and if you can ever lay your hands on the 1994, mortgage your house and sell your children into slavery and buy as much as you can.
Of course, we could afford none of this . . . but my wonderful boss Mark Ragan e-mailed to say he would pay for my birthday dinner. Of course, he didn't know where we were going, so I won't take him up on it . . . but I may let him by the oysters and champagne, which was about the price of a normal dinner itself.
Oh . . . the food. And today, we're going out to Marc Wright's house in the English countryside, where we're first going to the oldest pub in England, then his wonderful wife Bev is hosting us for a traditional English dinner---Roast beef with Yorkshire pudding.
And tomorrow . . . Indian food and the theater in London!!
Happy, happy days at Crescenzo Communications.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | October 29, 2006 2:44 AM
Posted on October 29, 2006 02:44
This is way off the topic but....
You're working for a corporate communications company. I'm a journalist with 7 years experience at a major daily newspaper writing features and news and publicity under crazy deadlines in a dying profession. Any suggestions on how to transition to corporate communications or PR? I'm already an expert at writing attention-grabbing copy, etc. Thanks!
Posted by Barbara | October 29, 2006 11:38 AM
Posted on October 29, 2006 11:38
Steve, I love your blogs. No wonder they were hi-jacked! You are hysterical! I would love to see you in person sometime. I'll have to accompany Kelly to Chicago sometime to see you in action, although, I must say Kelly managed to capture your essence on video. I hear you conquered London. Jolly good. Happy birthday! Kelly's Mum (Dolores)
Posted by Dolores Kass | October 29, 2006 2:16 PM
Posted on October 29, 2006 14:16
Steve,
As you can see, my Mom has become quite a fan (Hi Mom!)
It was great having Sunday lunch with you and Cindy out in the countryside today. The roast beef and Yorkshire pudding were fab - thanks Marc and Bev!
Have a very happy birthday,
Kelly
Posted by Kelly Kass | October 29, 2006 4:26 PM
Posted on October 29, 2006 16:26
Steve--wow, glad you worked some communications into your food-stravaganza! Remember, DC is just 2 weeks around the corner, and we can still celebrate your 40th----"Save the liver!"
Laurel =)
Posted by Laurel | October 30, 2006 3:15 PM
Posted on October 30, 2006 15:15
Steve -- Your food experiences are making me drool. Your travel is making me absurdly jealous. Your nickname is making me get my chuckle on.
Barbara -- As a former journalist who moved into nonprofit and advocacy communications and then into the corporate communications world, let me just say this...the grass is, truly, always greener. And when you hear tales about Mr. Proper and his expense account dinners, you may feel sad about your dying profession and the fact that journalists aren't supposed to take anything for free. But trust me on this...I miss newspapers every day of my life. But I would probably never go back, simply because I'm now priced out of newspaper salary range. If you're really not happy writing news, then definitely get out. But if you love the profession...even a little bit...stay in.
And if you don't love it and want to leave, the easiest thing to do is to start applying for any media relations job you see that sounds interesting. I give you this last caveat, though...make very sure you're working somewhere where you care about the issues. Media relations and corporate communications and public relations are all about the message...which means you're writing the same material over and over again, often for cranky internal clients who like to revise things so much that they circle back to the copy you wrote the first time. If you like the cause/issue/company, you'll be much happier and able to better deal with the process.
Posted by Genie | October 31, 2006 10:17 AM
Posted on October 31, 2006 10:17
Happy Birthday, Steve! What a way to ring in 40.
Thanks for the low-down on the food...you made my day.
Mr. Proper is better than Coach Penis, btw...so be glad!
:)Cheers!
Posted by Rebecca (token IT Goddess) | October 31, 2006 11:18 AM
Posted on October 31, 2006 11:18
Hey, Mr. Proper, they did call it a Close hotel. What more warning do you want?
I remember a Paris hotel room where I could actually lie on the bed and touch all four walls at the same time. Europe's just not built for supersized Americans like you and me.
Posted by Allen | October 31, 2006 4:24 PM
Posted on October 31, 2006 16:24
Will:
I couldn't believe how beautiful Polish women were. Everywhere you turned, you saw another elegant, sophisticated Polish beauty.
I don't know why, but my image of Polish women was that they were all bent-over crones with babushkas, who smell strongly of cabbage.
Then again, I also thought Polish food was all boiled meats and parsnips. Couldn't have been more wrong there, either.
Patrick: What the hell? Why didn't I rate the suckling pig? Bogdan must favor you intellectual, professorial types, rather than the loud, Don Rickels types like me.
We never got into politics . . . other than one great discussion I had with some attendees about modern Polish attitudes towards both Germans and Russians.
There are people there my age who vividly remember the Communist era . . . which was interesting to talk about. One woman had a brother who had one of those late night visits from the Party, and disappeared for a while with no explanation. And she was exactly my age!
Gives you a different perspective on things.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | November 1, 2006 8:53 AM
Posted on November 1, 2006 08:53
Karen:
It was great to meet you! Thanks for the Mr. Clean link . . . I wish I looked MORE like him. He's got a washboard stomach . . . so do I, only it looks like I'm in the middle of doing a full load of clothes.
Stay in touch . . . and maybe when I come back in May for the next Ragan/Simply event, we can have drinks!
Dolores!!!! Thanks for reading my blog! Your daugther is wonderful . . . and very talented. You done good with her.
Barbara: I agree with everything Genie said . . . and would add one thing: You can do EXCELLENT journalism in internal communications.
It won't be exposes. It won't be investigative. But you can do what good journalists do: dig out the interesting, emotional stories, and then write them in compelling fashion.
Yes, it's harder to do it in the internal world, but it can be done.
Just remember one tip: focus on the PEOPLE. Processes, programs, and policies (much of what we write about) are inherently boring.
But how those things affect PEOPLE can be interesting. You just have to hang everything you do on people.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | November 1, 2006 8:58 AM
Posted on November 1, 2006 08:58
Steve, thanks for the wonderful words about my daughter, Kelly. She makes me proud. She also says great things about you. Your presentations seem so compelling. I always did go for the funny Don Rickles type. Come to think of it, my favorite actors growing up(you're not going to believe this!) were Zero Mostel(the real Max Bialystock), Raymond Burr, and Edmond O'Brien(did you ever see the original "D.O.A."?). Who ever said thin is in? If you were here, I'd give you a bear hug. Speaking of bears, how 'bout da Bears! I'm a huge football fan. Of course, I love my NY Giants. But one of the best experiences of my life was winning a "NY Post" contest and getting a free Labor Day weekend in Chicago. The Sunday I spent at Soldier Field watching the Giant vs. the Bears was memorable. Of course, I loved that stadium. Why did they redo it? Why do people always think they can improve upon perfection? Anyway, Phil Simms was great that day, and the fans were surpisingly polite as I rooted for the opposing team. By the way, did I tell you that I love Chicago. There's nothing 2nd-city about it. I hope to meet you there one day.......Dolores K
Posted by Dolores Kass | November 2, 2006 7:43 PM
Posted on November 2, 2006 19:43