In the past two weeks, I’ve heard a corporate phrase for the first time, and I think it could be pretty useful in private life.
Have you ever heard that a meeting was going to have to “have a hard ending?”
Here's how I've heard it used in the past two weeks:
“Listen, I’ve got another meeting at 2 p.m. that I can’t miss, so this meeting is going to have to have a hard ending at 1:45.”
Or, “I’ve got nothing after this call, so we don’t have to have a hard ending at 4.”
Or, “There are quite a few people in here who have to get on flights today, so the seminar needs to have to have a hard ending at 3:30.”
At first, I didn’t know what the hell anyone was talking about. Since the only person I meet with at my company is my wife, Cindy, and I usually try to have all of our meetings in bed, the only “hard ending” we ever have is if I flop around too much and fall out of bed.
Which happens more often than it should, especially since the only time I ever try to convene meetings is immediately after a three-hour margarita lunch at El Jardin's.
That, believe me, is a hard ending. Hard on my ego, hard on my body, hard on Cindy's rib cage because she's laughing so hard . . . . just hard, all the way around.
But in the corporate world, a hard ending is when the planned ending time of the meeting arrives, and everyone just immediately leaves. Or, if you're on the phone, hangs up. No small talk, no lingering discussion, no extension of the meeting time . . . it just ends. Immediately.
I love hard endings!! Every meeting should have a hard ending, no? When I worked at Ragan, a meeting that was supposed to go from 1 to 2 would go from 1 to 5, because Mark Ragan would show up with seven gazillion new product ideas, and want to talk about all of them.
If only I knew about hard endings then! I could have saved myself countless hours.
I think I’m going to start using hard endings in my personal life, too. What if you could put a hard ending on every conversation you have—with your mother, with your siblings, with your friends . . . wouldn’t that be great? I can see it now:
Mom: “Listen, I’m glad you’re doing well, and I appreciate you calling. Now, I want to talk to you about your sister. I think she needs . . .”.
Me: “Damn! Sorry, Mom. 2 p.m. Hard ending. Bye.”
Or on the phone with a Ragan accountant:
Me: “But I sent all the receipts in hard copy, like you asked.”
Ragan Accountant: “Yes, but on one receipt, you are claiming a dinner in San Francisco in the amount of $345, including a $250 wine bill. We need to talk about . . .”.
Me: “Hard ending. Bye.”
Has anyone else heard of this wonderful phenomena before? The hard ending. It’s going to change everything.
And one more thing . . . sorry. Hard ending. Bye.
Comments (32)
Didn't we used to have a word for hard endings, hard start times, etc...What the hell was it?
Oh right, punctual.
I love language, and I love new terms that are original and actually make sense.
Who can forget the phrase “Think Outside the Box” (If you did forget please let me know how you did it, because I would like that and Hanson’s HmmmBoppp permanently erased the fleshy hard drive in my head – I’m considering a lobotomy so please e-mail me fast).
Before people were “Out of the Box” thinkers, they were simply creative.
Another linguistic cluster f&^$ I would love to see go the way of Vanilla Ice is “touch base”.
“Hi, I need to talk to you about…”
“Sorry, no time right now. Why don’t we touch base later?’
Super! Are we going to meet on the soft ball field or in the laser tag arena? Those are the only places that I know of with bases. I’ll talk to you, but you better not try to capture my flag while we discuss business you rapscallion you.
Don’t negate the power of simplicity.
Posted by Rob Patey | May 17, 2007 12:22 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 12:22
Wait, that was a hard ending.....can I comment? Hello, Steve? You there? Steve?!
Posted by michael clendenin | May 17, 2007 12:33 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 12:33
Rob---great observations!
You've made me veer into my vast chasm of linguistic pet peeves...such as people who say "orientate" etc....this one is people who say "touch bases" PLURAL
"Touch base" is a concept but touch bases? Eww! Sounds far too personal; I don't know where that base might have been.
Our freelance photog says it all the time & I bite my tongue every time. He's a smart guy but not "a Communicator" with a capital C (like REALTOR all caps which I also hate), so I try not to pick. BUT my very astute boss also says it (Steve: this is Chris G....) and she oughta know better!
I sure hope she skips the blog today (wince).
Posted by Laurel Lynn | May 17, 2007 1:29 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 13:29
Oh great, thanks Rob. Just got "MMMmm Bop" out of my head after it came up in last night's American Idol, and now you bring it up.
Actually all this cliche'd jargon lexicon stuff has been around a long time. Just check out the original ('57?) "12 Angry Men" -- the one with Henry Fonda, Jack Klugman, Jack Warden, Lee J. Cobb, and Ed Begley. Robert Webber's character, juror #12, constantly throws out the "let's run that up the flagpole and see who salutes" comments as typical of someone in the advertising business.
Posted by michael clendenin | May 17, 2007 1:32 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 13:32
Steve,
At my former employer we called it a "hard stop." The corporate-speak at this place would make your brain itch - there were more level playing fields, base-touches, benchmarks, hard stops, and throw-the-ball-up-and-see-where-it-lands than you could throw a PowerPoint "deck" at. Oh, how I'm glad I've made it out of there.
Hey, I launched our "virtual editorial board" today. Huge hit after only a few hours. You rock.
Talk soon,
Don
P.S. Loved Podcast #1. Priceless.
Posted by Don Lariviere | May 17, 2007 1:39 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 13:39
Rob . . . listen closely . . . very closely . . .hear the music . . . see the boys . . . never forget it . . .
>>>>
You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.
Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.
Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.
Chorus:
MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do
Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.
Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.
(Chorus...)
>>>>
Posted by Steve C. | May 17, 2007 1:46 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 13:46
It's "hard stop" here as well.
I am a big fan of "run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it" but mostly because David Lee Roth used a similar the phrase in "Yankee Rose."
One of our execs loves to work in "We can't get out in front of our headlights," which at least has a bit of panache to it.
-Neruda
Posted by Neruda | May 17, 2007 2:00 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 14:00
OK, you people are pure EVIL.
mmmmmmm boppppppp - stuck in my head for the rest of the day and I am sure it will wake me up at 2 a.m. bop bop mmmmmmmm bop
Evil, I tell you. Evil
Posted by Mere | May 17, 2007 2:13 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 14:13
Well let me put this dish out on the doorstep and see if the cat drinks it...
If Rob was horrible for referencing, Steve, is indeed EVIL for Googling (oh please tell me you Googled it) the lyrics and posting.
Posted by michael clendenin | May 17, 2007 3:12 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 15:12
Oh my! I must make sure Julie reads the blog today! We have been having "hard endings" to our phone calls for years. We're the envy of all our friends. After almost 30 years of friendship - she and I have a wonderful rule about hanging up on each other. We just do it.
"Gotta go, bye" is a perfectly acceptable ending to any phone conversation, and then you don't even wait for the other to acknowledge it, you just hang up.
We're innovators! Who knew??
Posted by Rebecca (token IT Goddess) | May 17, 2007 3:37 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 15:37
Rebecca and I are cutting edge.
Love the hard endings. Just hang up... you're done. None of this "well, I gotta go... bye... talk to you later... blah, blah, blah!" That gives people a chance not to let you go... and well, umm, BYE.
It's also useful when your boss walks in and you don't want him to know you've been on the phone talking about LOST for the past 25 minutes. "Gotta go, Bye." No hurt feelings, no worries that someone is going to get their feelings hurt. Quick and painless.
Love the hard endings. It's not easy incorporating the phone hard ending to new people. There's a introduction/training period. I don’t recommend explaining what you are going to start doing… just start doing it. (It’s much more fun) The first time I did this to my brother (mistakenly thinking he would appreciate it) he called me right back and asked me what the hell my problem was and why was I being such a bitch.
Excuse me?
Hard ending. Don't take it personally.
For us, it's evolved into a race to hang up.
"I'm done. Bye...........CLICK"
Posted by Jew Jew B | May 17, 2007 3:57 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 15:57
O the hard ending! Can there be a sweeter group of words in the corporate world!!
There's a twice-monthly meeting I have to attend with a bunch of people. It's usually scheduled for four hours, but on average we're lucky if we're done in five!! And as you'd expect, in that hellish five hours we get about 30 minutes worth of legitimate decisions made. Fun! Wow!
Every once in awhile, the VP in charge of this joyous exercise in "How much pain can you stand?!" has another meeting that is (presumably) with people more important than us because on those occasions we get a note on the agenda "Bob (name changed to protect the guilty) has another meeting immediately following so there will be a - wait for it - Hard Stop at 12:45.
And then we do the Balki Bartokomous (anybody remember him?) dance of joy! Woo Hoo!!!
Not that I'm bitter at all!
Posted by Kristen | May 17, 2007 7:17 PM
Posted on May 17, 2007 19:17
You learn something new every day! This is a good one.
Thank you...
Posted by AN | May 18, 2007 5:22 AM
Posted on May 18, 2007 05:22
Jew Jew and Rebecca:
You . . . complete me. For YEARS I have been doing the hard stop on the phone. Just like you. And it would drive some people furious.
I would be talking, and the conversation was obviously over, and I would just hang up. And Cindy would be next to me, and she would say:
"Did you just hang up on her?????"
And I would say something like . . . "Well, yes. But no. We were done talking."
And whoever it was would CALL BACK. And I would do it AGAIN.
It's like training a puppy.
The only person who ever got it was my friend David Murray. Now, the two of us just hang up when we're done. Sometimes, it's in mid-sentence.
I'm just hoping neither one of us figures out that we never really say anything of interest to each other on the phone ever, so we should just hang up on each other as soon as we answer.
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | May 18, 2007 7:02 AM
Posted on May 18, 2007 07:02
OK, this has become the "uber" list of corporate cliches. I don't know if I have the head space for it. But S and K and N and JJ and R make such valid points that I suppose I should commit some mindshare to it.
Anyone who can identify all the cliches that get under my skin from the above paragraph gets a prize. I'm sorry -- a Recognition Award.
And Steve -- I got a little nervous there when you were talking about the hard stops you experience in bed with Cindy. Phew! That was close.
Posted by Robert J Holland, ABC | May 18, 2007 8:07 AM
Posted on May 18, 2007 08:07
Steve, Steve, Steve! If the only "hard ending" you have in bed with your wife is flopping around too much and falling out of bed, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT! Take some sex education classes, dude.
Will
Posted by Will Daniel | May 18, 2007 8:34 AM
Posted on May 18, 2007 08:34
Steve is right. Here's a typical phone conversation.
Steve: Hey, Murr, what's going on?
Murr: Nothing, dirty dog, what's up?
Steve: Cubs stink.
Murr: Yeah.
Steve: Hey, what do you got going this weekend?
Murr: Well, actually, my niece Brooke is in town and we were going to take little Scout down to the Shedd Aquarium and maybe grab a bite to ....
[CLICK.]
This goes both ways. I used to laugh when this happened. Now I just set the phone down and go back to work.
It's not a hang-up. It's a hard-stop.
Posted by David Murray | May 18, 2007 10:13 AM
Posted on May 18, 2007 10:13
Steve Googled nothing.
When his laptop in DC was crashing more often than Billy Joel and Ted Kennedy after happy hour, I asked how much RAM he was running on.
Seeing from his expression, he was going to start looking in the machine for large horned mountain dwelling grass eaters, i asked if I could drive and check.
Little known to Steve, I moved right past his My Computer properties and detoured to his drive.
Here is what I found.
Posted by Rob Patey | May 18, 2007 1:50 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 13:50
Ragan no like embeded objects. I hate when a joke fails due to technology.
Here is a URL to what I found on Steve's machine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hscdoOmpGE0
/lame over explained joke off
Posted by Rob Patey | May 18, 2007 1:53 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 13:53
David, maybe Steve hard-stops his conversations with you because you use phrases like "dirty dog."
Posted by Robert J Holland, ABC | May 18, 2007 2:02 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 14:02
Steve calls me, "Dirt," "Doggy," "Murrdog," and, when he and I are really right with each other, "Murrdick."
So I allow myself a "dirty dog," every once in a while.
Posted by David Murray | May 18, 2007 3:44 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 15:44
As someone who used to watch the Nelson Family and Beaver Cleaver in first-run episodes, I can safely ask, "What's a Hanson and why does it have a HmmmBop?"
The closest I can compare to this little discussion is when I used to live about 10 minutes down the road from Disneyland. We went pretty often . . . real often . . . OK, the only reason our family and friends visited us all the time was because they wanted some place to stay for free while they went to Disneyland.
Anyway, you could tell when you were getting close, close, closer to that one Disneyland ride with the endless loop theme song, say it with me, "It's a Small World." Boy, the closer you got, the more people you heard humming It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all . . . .
Hope that got that HmmBop stuff out of your head. :-)
Posted by Kevin Snow | May 18, 2007 4:14 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 16:14
As someone who used to watch the Nelson Family and Beaver Cleaver in first-run episodes, I can safely ask, "What's a Hanson and why does it have a HmmmBop?"
The closest I can compare to this little discussion is when I used to live about 10 minutes down the road from Disneyland. We went pretty often . . . real often . . . OK, the only reason our family and friends visited us all the time was because they wanted some place to stay for free while they went to Disneyland.
Anyway, you could tell when you were getting close, close, closer to that one Disneyland ride with the endless loop theme song, say it with me, "It's a Small World." Boy, the closer you got, the more people you heard humming It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all . . . .
Hope that got that HmmBop stuff out of your head. :-)
Posted by Kevin Snow | May 18, 2007 4:14 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 16:14
OK, now I'm jealous, Opie. Steve never calls me any of those things.
Posted by Robert J Holland, ABC | May 18, 2007 5:21 PM
Posted on May 18, 2007 17:21
Kevin,
Count yourself as one of the blessed that your ear canal has never been grated with the like a block of Munster cheese by the falsetto song stylings of Hanson.
Hanson is a lot like the music of young Ricky Nelson. It starts with an infectious beat, but when the lyrics start to blare out of the hi-fi system, small children and cats spontaneously combust, angels weep in agony and for some reason teenage girls squeal with delight.
Popular scientific theory states that the reason for this phenomenon is becasue teenage girls are in fact deaf until they go to college and discover Sahrah McGlauchlin and Ani DeFranco.
Posted by Rob Patey | May 21, 2007 6:25 AM
Posted on May 21, 2007 06:25
Kevin:
I'm in your age group, but I never wasted my time watching Beavers and Nelsons. TV in that era was complete crap. Even as a young boy, I knew that real life was nothing like those TV shows. Although Rick Nelson made some decent music after he grew up, Hmmmbop by Hanson is better than anything young Ricky Nelson ever did.
Will
Posted by Will Daniel | May 21, 2007 7:01 AM
Posted on May 21, 2007 07:01
Rob and all -
Now I will give you that MmmmmmBop is a crap song and a terrible reason to get famous...
I love me some Hanson...and so do a lot of my musician friends (in a secreted closet way...I'm the only one who's truly 'out' on this subject)...no falsetto after the mmmmbop phase. In fact, I used to play the CD when people came over and take bets with my husband whether anyone would like it. I always won.
But they do have some other tunes that get even more annoyingly stuck in your head, I can tell you that.
Posted by Rebecca (token IT Goddess) | May 21, 2007 8:18 AM
Posted on May 21, 2007 08:18
Oh, thanks Will. Just got Mmmm Bop out of my head again and you replace it with "It's a Small World". AAaaaaaggggghhh!
Okay, folks, just let's get this straight. Hanson is so over. You want this generation's Monkees? Try the Naked Brothers Band on Nickelodeon! Motormouth? "Chatter-chatter-chatter-chatter-box"! Fishing For Love! And who can forget the accordion-backed pre-teen ballad, Rosalina!
Oh God, someone help me! Where's Mike Damone when you need him? I need to hear his Fast Times gospel "Don't tell me you've forgotten the magnetism of Robin Zander? The charisma of Rick Neilsen? And the songs? Dream Police? Your mama's all right, your daddy's all right..."
Posted by michael clendenin | May 22, 2007 8:13 AM
Posted on May 22, 2007 08:13
Sorry, that should have been directed to Kevin!
Posted by michael clendenin | May 22, 2007 10:04 AM
Posted on May 22, 2007 10:04
Oh, should have read about this earlier :(
Two powerful words that could save soo much of my time!
Posted by hanny | May 24, 2007 5:52 AM
Posted on May 24, 2007 05:52
I've never heard of a hard ending, but I've used it several times, especially on the phone. Using it with telemarketers is the best. I wouldn't advise trying with a wife during a domestic dispute, though.
Posted by Rodger Johnson | May 24, 2007 8:10 AM
Posted on May 24, 2007 08:10
It's heartening to see that you are insisting on "hard endings" in YOUR sessions too.
Here's what one of the participants observed:
http://simply-blogging.typepad.com/publishers_blog/2006/10/steve_crescenzo.html
no offence meant :)
Posted by Subir Ghosh | June 15, 2007 5:22 AM
Posted on June 15, 2007 05:22