Excellent for a laugh on a Friday, even though the laugh is at your bad experience-expense. The last sentence is best!

I have learned about a sure fire way of getting customer service folks on your side, resulting in free upgrades and the like. This is from Tom Mullica, a magician and a very, very funny guy.

Tom carries a red foam clown nose with him everywhere he goes (yeah, I know. But its worth it). Then, Tom went the extra step of taking a small amount of matching clown nose foam material and gluing it to his IDs - drivers license, passport, etc. - over the picture of his actual nose.

When someone - clerk, check in counter person, what have you - asks for his ID, he gives them the gimmicked version, and in the time they are looking at it - sometimes bewilderingly - he slips on the full size version over his own nose. So, when they look up he matches his ID picture and, BAM, white hot shot of comedy.

This brings pure, unadulterated joy to people. Sometimes, its the best laugh they'll have all day. They want to do something for you in return. They WANT to upgrade you. They want to have your babies. Until they learn you are a magician, of course. Then you are on your own.

I think this would be particularly effective with King Kong Bund....errr.... Steve C.

Even if you dont get upgraded, wouldnt providing such joy to a complete stranger be thanks enough?

Steve,
I feel your pain. I had a horrible Continental experience in June.

It all started with my Brussels-Newark flight leaving an hour late. Not too bad, had that been it. When all passengers had boarded the plane, we were told that we needed a new pilot. Our pilot had reached the maximum amount of hours they are allowed to work. The new pilot was in London. What was supposed to be a direct 7 hour flight, ended up being 12 hours including a 5 hour layover on the London runway. Fumbling around with my ticket, I noticed that one of Continental's tag lines ironically says: "Other airlines fly all over the world, they just don't land in as many places."

When I called Continental's customer service to ask for some compensation for missing a whole Saturday in NY and not having received so much as water during the delay, I was so fortunate as to speak to their most jaded employee. A woman who insisted the only reason I complained was because I did not understand the complexities of the airline industry. When I reacted affronted, she took that as her cue to deny me any compensation for having behaved rudely to her. She further accused me of wanting to endanger a plane full of passengers because I asked why they don't plan pilots' schedules better, so they'd know they were going to need another one.

All this was excellent service compared to my flight back to Brussels.

As another plane was blocking the gate, boarding was delayed over 2 hours. And then a storm broke out. We sat on the runway the entire time. Suddenly one of the flight attendants started yelling at me. How could I be so stupid not to put my laptop away, as the plane couldn't leave until my laptop was stored. Seeing that it was clear we weren't actually going anywhere what with the torrential rain and all, I just gazed at him incredulously. He responded by pushing the gentleman next to me aside, prying the laptop plus case from my hands and tossing it in the overhead compartment.
Hours later we still couldn't leave, because the purser had failed to realize that letting people off the plane means having to wait for luggage handlers to collect the bags. We departed over 8 hours late. When the purser finally served me water, she didn't notice the glass was full and kept pouring getting my pants soaked at the start of a 7 hour flight. She shrugged and said irately that it's really hard to pour during turbulence.

I've been going on a bit. It's just that I have flown so often and have never had such a bad experience. Continental finally gave me 2 vouchers for their business lobby and send emails asking for my membership.
Where is the apology? What is the point of a 0.5% compensation on your ticket? They do this because it rained for 3 of the 8 hours we were delayed. Blaming the weather is such an easy fix. Is it me or have they not understood the finesse of customer service quite yet?

First, I'm getting a big red nose. What a wonderful tactic . . . that guy is my idol.

Kim! What a nightmare. You know, I've had those experiences . . . and it is AMAZING the difference the customer service people can have on your experience.

Even if they can't do anything . . . if they're nice and they treat you like a human being, it can make it so much easier.

But when you get a bad one . . . there is nothing worse. I hate their guts.

Steve C.

hi Steve, i feel your pain trust me! As always you hit the nail bang on! Here in Canada we are stuck with Air Canada, which is a partner of United, both companies are obvisouly fully aligned in their corporate culture and attitude.

Air Canada's modo - We are happy, if you are unhappy!

Trust me they live by it every day!

Cheers!

The same scenario applies to "customer service" people working in the credit-card industry. They CAN give you a lower rate on your card, if you ask them. But will they? Not unless you give them the name of another credit-card company that wants you to transfer your $28,578 balance to their card at half the interest rate.

Steve C, keep drinking like you do and you won't have to invest in a rubber clown nose. If ya know what I mean. :-)

Robert, I'll have you know that I have adopted a more moderate lifestyle.

Only one martini before dinners now, rather than two. And only bottle of wine during dinner, instead of two.

And only wine in the airports, no more gin.

I am practically a monk.

Steve C.

Oh, Steve, please PLEASE don't wish dickheads into IT. I work here, as a communicator, no less, so you know it's already not easy. And I am so lucky that, with two co-worker exceptions and one management one, I don't work with ANY dickheads. Granted, they don't speak English very well (and not because they're from India--it's an occupational disability, it seems), but they aren't mean-spirited. Just hard to understand.

No, if it were me, I'd condemn dickheads to some visible role that subjected them to ridicule; but for every example I conjure up, I realize that a true dickhead would find a way to make life lousy. I was thinking, for example, gravedigger--make all dickheads dig graves. But all that would accomplish is a bunch of bodies stacking up waiting for a resting place. Then I thought of septic pumping--perfect, eh? But no, we'd just find our toilets backed up. There is NO suitable place for a real dickhead.

Except maybe on a small island with every other dickhead discovered and deported. Sounds like a great reality show--I might actually be tempted to WATCH that one!

Joan . . . Dickhead Island. I like it. Call that Steve Burnett dude who does all the reality shows.

You know damn well that if you ever DID do a show like that, it would beat American Idol in the ratings.

Steve C.

Didn't Douglas Adams come up with that in one of the Hitchhiker books? The one in which creative directors, copywriters, and middle managers are sent off on a ship to another planet on the pretense the homeworld is in danger? I love that thought.

Oh, Steve, I feel your pain. And I must share this with you. Last week I travelled on our beloved Via Rail from Montreal to Toronto. The train experienced electrical problems just outside Montreal. All in all, the 5-hour trip was delayed by 2.5 hours. I could handle this, but what I could not deal with was the RATIONING of drinks (even water) because of the extra time AND the complimentary water and soft-drink policy (everyone wants it when it's free). After having foolishly eaten a deliciously salty Montreal smoked meat sandwich, I could have killed for a bottle of water or even a Pepsi. Instead, I was told by a supposed customer service person: "Madame, we do not plan for these things." Um, maybe they SHOULD.

Steve, two things: First of all, FLY SOUTHWEST. Not only are they super nice, you have a chance of having my dashing and kind husband, Eric, as your pilot. He knows ALL about yo, and I guarantee it will be a fun flight for you. What could be better than that? Second, and this has nothing to do with customer service, but since you're so behind on your email and I wanted to make sure you heard this, I LOVED your new "prep for the writing and editing course" video on myragan.com. Hysterical. Your (ahem) abstemiousness and ... um... dedication to your new fitness program is truly admirable. - Amy

Steve, two things: First of all, FLY SOUTHWEST. Not only are they super nice, you have a chance of having my dashing and kind husband, Eric, as your pilot. He knows ALL about yo, and I guarantee it will be a fun flight for you. What could be better than that? Second, and this has nothing to do with customer service, but since you're so behind on your email and I wanted to make sure you heard this, I LOVED your new "prep for the writing and editing course" video on myragan.com. Hysterical. Your (ahem) abstemiousness and ... um... dedication to your new fitness program is truly admirable. - Amy

Isn't Dickhead Island already airing on The Cartoon Network?

Also, I agree with you Steve. Blessed be the nice, friendly examples of humanity in customer service. The other ones? I think there's a special circle of hell just for them...

Dickhead = Gateway. In April my husband and I both ordered new laptops from them. Total cost: somewhere around $3,500. We ordered Gateway because Jim had had one before that never had any problems, and they also had a smaller, lightweight model that I liked.

Anyway, both our machines are total POC. Mine was broken from the get-go: a week after I received it and Jim spent an evening loading everything onto it, it started freezing up on me. The only way to start it again was to hold my finger on the Off button until all the lights went off and then start it up again, a 5-minute process. Maybe it would work for 30 seconds, maybe for an hour, maybe for a day. It's still like that--not the optimim situation for a freelance writer. Jim's has different problems.

Will they just give us--formerly contented return customers--new computers? No. They like to do emails full of condescending bullshit (my husband is a full-fledged heat-seeking geek programmer), and they keep sending us EMPTY BOXES in which we're supposed to send our computers in for repairs. We've each done that once, to no avail. They've also sent a guy to our home, and he sat at my dining room table and installed a new motherboard (we call it something slightly different). Still doesn't work.

The company was recently sold to Acer in Taiwan for a piddling $710 million. $710 MILLION, with an "m." Just 10 years ago they were worth gazillions, those dickheads.

The empty box idea is from Apple, and I've always found it brilliant. My (under warranty) Mac would have an issue, I'd call, they'd send me an empty box overnight, I'd send it back overnight, they'd fix it, I'd get it back overnight. I had a perfectly fixed computer back within 4-5 days in most cases. Now I have the Apple Store and "Geniuses," but I fondly remember the empty boxes.

But I digress. Gateway used to be great. A lot of companies used to be great. Even United. What happens?

Steve,
Just catching on my reader, but this had me rolling. Thanks for this!