Are you Green? You better be.
And if you’re not already Green, you better be Going Green. And if you’re not Going Green already, you damn straight better be at least thinking about Going Green.
Green is the hottest color in the world right now. Corporations everywhere are either Green or Going Green. Al Gore is so Green they gave him a Nobel Peace Prize. It doesn’t get any Greener than that.
Now, before you read the rest of this column, you need to know that I am as Green as the next guy. In fact, I'm Greener -- unless the next guy is Al "Green" Gore. I care about the environment. I care about it a lot. I’m Green, man. Way Green. Not Lime Green. Not Olive Green. I'm talking Dark Green. Forest Green, baby.
I would drive a hybrid car, whatever that is, if I could afford it. That’s how Green I am.
Whenever I’m at a corporation doing a seminar, and they have one of those garbage cans with multiple holes on the top of it, with labels telling you where put your cans, your pull tabs, your bottles, etc., I always put my stuff in the right hole. Always. In fact, I can say with 100 percent confidence that, in that particular situation, I’ve never put my stuff in the wrong hole.
And even though I live in Chicago, I spend more than half my life in Naperville, Chicago’s biggest suburb, where my son lives, and where they have a very robust Green Recycling Program. You know, one of those places where they have a big plastic blue box where you’re supposed to put all your recyclables.
And I do that. The box is right next to the garbage can in the garage, and every time I’m out there, I have a choice. Do I throw my empty can of pop into the trash can, or into the blue box?
Somebody less Green than me would chuck it into the garbage can. But not me. I’m Green.
Every time I’m faced with that choice, I pick the blue box. Every time. Now, a cynic would say I do that because there is no lid on the blue box, but there is a lid on the garbage can, so it’s just easier to toss it into the box, rather than lift the lid and throw it in the garbage. To that cynic I would say this: mind our own business.
And since I’m in Naperville a lot on Wednesdays, which is garbage night, I am often the one who drags the blue box out to the curb. I have done that in . . . the . . . rain.
So I’m Green, okay? With a capital G. I’m so Green I make Kermit the Frog look like Snoop Dog. Let’s get that straight.
And it’s because I’m so Green that I am getting sick and tired of all the hypocrisy and posturing over the whole “Going Green” thing in the corporate world. Does anyone else think that most people are full of shit on this topic?
I’m not talking about Al Gore winning the Nobel prize for saving the Earth, while he traipses all over said Earth in his private jet, leaving a carbon footprint the size of Rhode Island in his wake.
And no, in case you’re wondering, I have no idea what a ‘carbon footprint' is, but I read somewhere that Gore probably has a huge one, and that it’s bad that he does.
But in my opinion, Al Gore has every right to have a massive carbon footprint. I mean, this guy first invented the Internet, now he’s saving the planet. If anyone deserves a carbon footprint the size of Manhattan, it’s Al Freaking Gore.
No . . . what irritates me is the hypocrisy being shown by corporations and institutions who are riding the "Going Green" wave in an effort to curry public favor, because it’s the latest Cool Cause. I just get a sense that a lot of organizations are publicly jumping on the Green wagon, but in reality only paying lip service to it.
My best example of this? Major hotel chains. I’m sitting in a Hilton Hotel in St. Louis right now, and I just got out of the shower. (Don’t worry, ladies. Uncle Fester has a robe on. So you don’t have to worry about getting a bad visual).
And in my hotel bathroom right now, sitting on my toilet, is a little card that reads:
“Conserve to Preserve: Dear Guest, Hilton Family of Brands is committed to conserving our country’s natural resources. Every day, tons of detergent and millions of gallons of water are used to wash towels which have only been used once. Here’s how you can help.
• A towel on the rack means ‘I’ll use it again.’
• A towel on the floor means ‘Please exchange.’”
Please. What a crock.
First of all, what the hell is a “Family of Brands?” Can a bunch of brands be a family? Do they get drunk during the holidays and start fighting with each other, like most families?
Do the Doubletree people start giving the Embassy Suites people shit at the Annual Holiday Party? Do they stumble over to them and say things like, “Embassy Suites MY ASS. If you’re a Suite, then I’m the freaking Taj Mahal, man!”
But never mind that.
Does anyone really believe that these huge, massive conglomerates are washing less towels in order to save the environment? Really?
Of course not. They don’t want to wash your bedding and your towels because it costs them money! The less they wash, the more they make. But they can’t say that, so they try to hang it on the whole Green thing.
Why is that they won’t wash my towels in order to save the environment . . . but every night I come back to the hotel tipsy, they have two or three plastic bottles of water waiting on my dresser, “for my convenience?”
Oh, it’s for my convenience? It’s convenient for me to drink $12 of water out of plastic bottles, but they want me to reuse one towel all week and sleep on soiled sheets? (Not that I soil my sheets very often, but some people do. And places like the Hilton would have you sleep in the muck, supposedly so they can save the planet).
I don’t fall for it. I don’t hang up my towel at home, and I’ll be damned if I’ll do it in a hotel. In fact, I make sure to use ALL my towels, for various purposes that you probably don’t want to know about, and I leave them ALL on the floor.
I use the wash rags and the medium sized towels and the big towels and God help you if you give me one of those robes, cause you’re washing that, too!!! I may do things to it that make you wash it TWICE, just to prove a point.
Am I alone in this? Does anyone else think that most corporations are full of it when they talk about how committed they are to Going Green?
Comments (14)
As usual, thank you for being gutsy enough to say what we're all thinking.
Posted by Susan | October 24, 2007 10:07 PM
Posted on October 24, 2007 22:07
I'm with you on the whole towel thing. And just in case you were harbouring any doubts, most hotels demonstrate just how shallow their commitment to Green really is by spreading paper around the room like there's no tomorrow. The room I was in on the weekend had so many tent cards sitting on the flat surfaces there wasn't any room for my computer. I counted 17 different items, from ads for the in-house restaurant, to 3 different breakfast menus, to the obligatory few telling us how environmentally responsible they've become. But my favourite moment came when I gathered up the cards and stuck them in the top drawer of the dresser, where I discovered -- you guessed it -- a complete set of the same cards!
Posted by Dave Traynor | October 24, 2007 11:17 PM
Posted on October 24, 2007 23:17
I'll go ya one more - I don't do any of that recycling business.
Now, I don't litter (I LOSE MY MIND when I see these a-holes throwing cigarette butts out of car windows. The world is not your toilet, loser). I am a conscientious consumer who tries not to be wasteful.
But recycling is very often a bad idea - bad for the economy (hence its need to be subsidized), and indeed, bad for the environment (there are exceptions, aluminium being one). The processes by which most materials are recycled - the additional resources necessary to collect, separate, clean, and re-manufacture - all add up to having *more* of an overall negative impact than producing new. But it makes people "feel good" - even as it may be doing more harm than good.
So, I believe in 'living lightly'... but I dont feel guilty for wanting clean towels on occasion!
Posted by Neruda | October 25, 2007 9:29 AM
Posted on October 25, 2007 09:29
I’m sure these businesses are pressured into these sorts of ridiculous campaigns by the kooky extreme environmentalists. I’m not green in the slightest bit, I believe as Carlin put it, that the planet doesn’t need saving, we do. The planet isn’t going anywhere. It’s been around for billions of years. Pack your bags folks you’re the one that’s leaving. Maybe the planet allowed us to evolve because it wanted plastic and once it’s has enough it will shake us off like flees on a dogs back.
Same thing with restaurant conserving water with their signs that read “we won’t give you water unless you ask for it. I believe that every single drop of water on this earth goes up in the atmosphere and eventually comes back down somewhere. Actually because of global warming, oops excuse me “Climate Change” all of the melting ice should supply everyone with more water than they know what to do with.
Anyway I pay a lot of money to have fresh towels every day. At home once a week but only out of forgetful laziness.
Posted by AN | October 25, 2007 9:34 AM
Posted on October 25, 2007 09:34
I've been ranting about that stupid save water/reuse your towel thing for years. Especially when I'm staying someplace where they're charging over $200 a night for a teeny little room with windows that don't open, that has a bathtub with a drain plug (what do you call that mechanism that blocks the water flow so you can have a bath? Like I ever WOULD have a bath in a hotel tub, but you know the thingamabob I mean)--anyway that thing doesn't work and the tub fills up while I shower so I'm standing ankle-deep in water by the end, fishing around trying to get that thing to work right; and ... oh, I'll stop. We all know all the crappy hotel room stories.
But truly, for me, the most reassuring part of your whole piece was knowing that you will never put your stuff in the wrong hole. I'll sleep better tonight knowing that, Steve.
Posted by Joan | October 25, 2007 10:57 AM
Posted on October 25, 2007 10:57
Thanks, Crescenzo, for your confession. Now they'll raise the nightly rates another 20 bucks because of your towel abuse.
Posted by Diane | October 25, 2007 12:11 PM
Posted on October 25, 2007 12:11
On the real president:
Yes, Al Gore could have walked across the country in vegan shoes and used an energy-efficient Fisher-Price ViewMaster to present his case. Made a big circle and passed the thing around.
http://www.worldwideslides.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/mod_l_red_fr.jpg
And yes, in the interest of the integrity of his cause, he probably should have. Walked across the country in planet-friendly shoes. Used the Fisher-Price thing.
Still, in light of the work he's done to bring the issue of global warming into the consciousness of planet-dwellers everywhere, I forgive him his sins. The damage/benefit ratio of his actions weighs heavily in the planet's favor, I do believe.
On hotels and their towels:
Those little cards are transparently deceptive.
Dumb, even.
On the earth:
We're fed a lot of crap about what to do and what not to do. The best approach, I think: Do everything we can.
Pack up our complacency and ship it off to sea in a biodegradable crate. There's no place for it in the 21st century (nor was there in the 20th century but we can't undo the past, blah, blah.)
So, yes: Do everything we can—up to and including sticking it in the right hole.
And fervently hope that our efforts—in some small way—will matter.
Posted by Suki | October 25, 2007 3:57 PM
Posted on October 25, 2007 15:57
I think it's funny that the hotels TALK about how they're going to conserve energy by not washing your towels every day -- and then they go ahead and wash them even if you hang them up! Which makes you wonder if they are communicating their Green intentions to the people who are actually cleaning the rooms. Or maybe to revisit one of Steve's earlier rants, maybe the cleaners just aren't engaged enough.
Posted by Sue Horner | October 25, 2007 4:26 PM
Posted on October 25, 2007 16:26
If you like the honest approach, you'd love the "energy education" we recently received at our office. Consultants came and gave us a presentation (yes an entire presentation) on turning off our lights and computers. The only point they stress was how much money we are costing by leaving things on. Now they come around each night and leave notes on our desk if we leave on our computer speakers and big boss gets an "energy report card" on each office.
Hmmm, I wonder how much that cost....
Posted by Bonnie Ann | October 26, 2007 1:28 PM
Posted on October 26, 2007 13:28
Steve, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I work on sustainability communications for one of the top performers in North America, and the whole greenwashing issue makes me ill.
As consumers and communications professionals, it's actually pretty easy to cut through the hype -- ask for their sustainability report. Many are audited externally (beware those that aren't) and outline actual targets and performance against those targets. Or, if you don't want to become an expert, just go to any rating group (like GRI) and see what THEY say.
I'd like to see Hilton put their GHG tonnage/footprint on those little cards and tell us how much it is reduced by NOT washing the towels. I bet they have no clue.
And Steve, with all the flying you do, I'd be a little scared of what your footprint is. At least you're putting the right can in the right hole.
Posted by Tonya | October 26, 2007 1:29 PM
Posted on October 26, 2007 13:29
You know what bugs me the most? It's that "green" has somehow acquired Most Admired Adjective status as the thing that will Save The World. Sure, "green" is good. So is "honest." So (just off the top of my head) are "kind," "generous," "realistic," "forgiving," "progressive," and "job-producing." All of these are dandy adjectives and ways to behave, but all the yelping is about "green"--and many green folks have a tendency to disrespect these other good adjectives in their vocabularies and lives.
Posted by Jane Greer | October 28, 2007 2:44 PM
Posted on October 28, 2007 14:44
We just had our annual customer conference in Orlando, Florida (to see pictures of me decked out like Sean Connery in our Keynote SNL spoof visit:http://www.vertexinc.com/exchange2007/postconf/default.asp)
Every year we burden customers with their own redwood worth of Powerpoint presentations from each session they attend (think 20 classes x 20+ pages of present).
This year we decided to put them all online so customers didn't drop a third testicle trying to schlep these mighty tomes home with them.
Nary a customer made a peep. Most were very appreciative of our environmental sensitivity.
Posted by Rob Patey | October 29, 2007 10:54 AM
Posted on October 29, 2007 10:54
Our corporation has actually been taking steps to be green for years. The Green Partner program ensures that we aren't using unsafe chemicals in our electronics etc. and minimizing our effect on the environment. Recently, we also started an employee recycling program and hosted an event called Operation Green Expo - inviting local businesses and organizations with 'green' products and services to present information to our employees. These were for employees to use at home to be green (and save themselves a little green). If they also learn to use green habits at work we're affecting the environment two-fold! I don't know about all corporations, but we're serious about being green, investigating what more we can do, and trying to instill the desire to be 'green' at home in our employees and not just to save a buck (in fact if you investigate the options you discover that truly going green can be costly!) Ever look at how much taking a factory solar would cost? Yikes!
Not all corporations are 'posing' to be green - and yes, I hang my towels up too... Seriously, I don't wash them or my sheets every day at home so why should they?
And that $12 bottle of water is not only over-priced, but the fact that it is probably purified tap water that has been shipped from states away, using valuable gas and eaking exhaust the whole trip, is horrible for the environment. We were all duped into thinking that was the healthy thing to drink!
OK - Off my soapbox now.
Posted by Suzanne Wesley | November 12, 2007 1:25 PM
Posted on November 12, 2007 13:25
The way the Federal government goes green is by saying they don't have any...green...for anything: seminars, classes, travel (unless they want you to come in, so they can clobber you in-person) OR you get your calenders 2 months into the new year, not that they get a discount, but that they dragged their tails. Although you think green was weed the way it's goes up in smoke in flying "key" folks back to D.C. and keeping them on diem 11 months a year for the last 9 years...but wait. Doing that releases tons of carbons into the air, although Boeing is trying to do less damage to the environment. We're all conditioned to being nickeled-and-dimed, so we find other ways to involutarily act green, like recycling old manila folders and "borrowing" supplies from each other. Are our messages green? Only if you think an economy of words online counts...
Posted by Patti | January 7, 2008 5:41 AM
Posted on January 7, 2008 05:41