Well . . . hello again! Remember me? The guy who used to blog in this space?
It’s been almost two months since I last blogged. Almost two months to the day, in fact. Tomorrow would have been two months exactly, and since one of the things I teach in my seminars is that you have to blog on a regular basis, I feel I would lose some credibility if I let two months go without blogging.
One month and 29 days and about six hours? That’s okay? But two months? That’s bullshit.
Why no blogs? Well, my last one was on April 5th. It’s now June 4th, and I’ve been in London for two days. Since April 5th, I’ve also been in: Atlanta, New Orleans, Seattle, Albuquerque, Toronto, New York, Minneapolis, Charlotte, and now London.
Add to that three events where I didn’t have to travel, but still had to stay in hotels in Chicago and work very hard: The three-day Ragan Fellowship meeting, the three-day Corporate Communicator’s Conferenc, and my two-day Advanced Internal Communication seminar with Jim Ylisela.
Mind you, I’m not complaining. I made good money, had a lot of laughs and some unbelievable meals, met some terrific communicators . . . and gained ten pounds. I’ve got about a dozen great stories that I’ll start sharing out here this week. Some of them even have to do with communication!
But I feel like I was on one long road trip . . . and it didn’t start very well. Let me tell you about it.
Whenever I leave for any trip, even if it’s just for a couple of days, I try to leave from my son’s house in Naperville, if at all possible. I like to see him the day I leave, and the day I get back. So I always leave from his house in the suburbs, which is 45 minutes from me . . . even if that means just seeing him for an hour before school in the morning.
Well, this Bataan Death March I’ve been on started with a trip to Atlanta, on a Wednesday, which is a school day. So I drove out to Naperville at 5:30 a.m., so I could take Zach to school. Which I did.
But that was at 7:30, and my flight wasn’t until 1, so I had some time to kill. So . . . knowing I would be eating and drinking like a pig for two months, I thought I’d work out.
So I headed over to the Naperville Bally’s, worked out, then realized that I had to shower, and I didn’t have a towel. I didn’t have anything with me to dry myself . . . not even an extra shirt.
But getting on the plane without showering wasn’t an option . . .so I showered and then stood in the open stall, naked, my hairless body glistening like a baby seal, trying to figure out what to do.
First, I tried to sort of rub the water off with my hands. But there were four other dudes in the shower, and I don’t think they were comfortable with a large hairless bald man standing in their midst, slapping at himself like he was on a bad acid trip.
Finally, I did the only thing I could do. I went to the hot-air hand dryer, turned it on, and crouched underneath it, like a midget taking a hot-air shower. And I started rubbing myself to facilitate the drying process.
And then I made a horrible mistake. I looked up . . . and there was a mirror right there. And I got to see myself, like a 220-pound naked mole rat, all pink and hairless and fat, pathetically crouched under a hot-air dryer rubbing myself, while seven or eight muscle-type guys tried hard not to look at me.
I finally gave it up, dried my feet with my dirty workout shirt, put on my clothes, which immediately stuck to my wet skin, and went to the airport for a very unpleasant flight.
That’s how the two-months started. And boy do I have some stories to share with you. I’ve got a cab ride story from New Orleans, a culinary experience in Seattle, some great communications work done with a big government agency, a terrific experience doing executive interviews for a client . . . lots have happened since April 5th.
So look to this space often in the next month . . . if you’re still bothering to come here at all.
Comments (24)
Welcome back Steve! We've missed you! And don't worry about the extra 10 pounds...you looked great but almost a little too skinny when I saw you at the Southwest Conference in October, so I am sure the 10 agrees with you! I have to say, I am impressed with your personal growth though...in the past, wouldn't you have killed time before your flight in a bar drinking margaritas instead of working out?! Go you with the new healthy attitude!
I can't wait to hear all your new stories...and have a little one of my own to share with you...I am expecting a baby girl in September! (Right now, you would look positively stick-like standing beside me and my basketball-sized belly!)
All the best,
Sonya
Posted by Sonya | June 4, 2008 10:50 AM
Posted on June 4, 2008 10:50
Thank goodness you are back!!! I need your stories to keep me balanced.
Posted by Susan | June 4, 2008 11:47 AM
Posted on June 4, 2008 11:47
Steve, about the shower/blow dryer experience, two words: DIGITAL CAMERA.
A photo's worth a thousand words.
And I'd pay for that one.
Posted by Diane | June 4, 2008 12:01 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 12:01
Hmm ... where did you pack the 10 pounds or won't Cindy let you reveal that information you hairless albino stud, you.
Posted by Always Home and Uncool | June 4, 2008 12:09 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 12:09
Can't wait to hear all about your travels and accomplishments! It has been way too long. I've missed all the vivid visuals you typically provide. I was worried you went the way of David Murray and didn't tell us!
Posted by Aidan | June 4, 2008 12:59 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 12:59
Man, you are SO lucky you blogged today! I was just getting ready to send you a nasty limerick (I'm not high-brow enough for, oh, I don't know, a haiku or something!)about your lapse, and if you'd hit the two-month mark (which everyone KNOWS is "over the line") I would've had to post it here... Ah what the heck:
There once was a blogger named Steve
Who's big gaps in posting did peeve!
His readers got cranky,
Screamed: "Enough hanky panky!"
Blog SOMETHING, like, before New Year's Eve?!!
Hey! I never said it was a GOOD limerick!
Glad to have you back Steve.
Posted by Kristen | June 4, 2008 1:10 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 13:10
Ugh, I've got to learn not to read this blog over lunch.
Glad you're still alive!
Posted by Adam | June 4, 2008 1:21 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 13:21
Hairless, hilarious,
Wise man off the web too long;
Now I laugh at work again.
Posted by Tim H | June 4, 2008 2:24 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 14:24
omg, Steve. I read that and started laughing, alone here in my cubicle, then read the comments, then of course had to read your blog again, which started me laughing again, and now I'm thinking that between your flapping and rubbing, and my howls in the empty cubicle, not to mention the beatniks posting poetry in here, there may just be something very wrong with all of us. In which case, I will strongly state that I prefer this company to most that I find, and I, too, am glad to hear from you again. Welcome home.
Posted by Joan H. | June 4, 2008 5:45 PM
Posted on June 4, 2008 17:45
Like Adam, I really do know better than to eat lunch while reading anything you write - especially anything posted here.
(But seriously, Edmonds???? What were your Cubs thinking?)
Posted by Colleen (the soaring one) | June 5, 2008 1:53 PM
Posted on June 5, 2008 13:53
I noticed you hadn't posted for a while but didn't realize it was almost two months! Welcome back. I had a good laugh and look forward to another one when you post your next adventure.
Posted by Sue Horner | June 5, 2008 2:46 PM
Posted on June 5, 2008 14:46
...and all is right with the world again. Welcome back. I'd give you grief about not getting in touch for that dinner at Canoe while you were in Toronto, but then I'd expect equal grief about not showing up for the workshop, so I shan't bring it up. Nevertheless, I hope our paths cross again soon!
Don
Posted by Don Lariviere | June 5, 2008 3:20 PM
Posted on June 5, 2008 15:20
Thanks for the nice welcome back, everybody! Glad to be back. I didn't realize how much I enjoy the conversations on this blog until they went away.
Sonya, congrats!!!!! That's great news. There's not an unborn baby big enough to make me look stick like, however!
Colleen: I was against the Edmonds move . . . but he's coming up big for us lately. I'll take anyone who gets us to the promised land.
Don . . Don . . . Don . . . Jim and I DID go to Canoe . . . and had the meal of our lives. In fact, the bill for the meal prompted Ragan to reevaluate their entire expense account system, and institute a rigid "per diem" type of thing. But it was worth it. Next time, we go together. I adore that place.
Best dish: Beautiful kuamamoto oysters wrapped in sirloin and seared just enough to take the raw off. Oh . . . My . . . God.
Great Haikus!
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | June 6, 2008 6:34 AM
Posted on June 6, 2008 06:34
32 years without a single therapy session all shot to Hell. Thanks Steve. I'll never look at a shower the same. . .and yes, we have running water in Indiana.
Posted by The Goose | June 6, 2008 8:24 AM
Posted on June 6, 2008 08:24
Steve - Another example of how exercise is BAD for you. Can't wait to hear about your adventures abroad. - Amy
Posted by Amy | June 6, 2008 9:33 AM
Posted on June 6, 2008 09:33
Steve, I'm a huge fan and have missed your posts, but I'd be remiss if I didn't say that another thing you should teach in your seminars besides blogging consistently is not making excuses upon your return if you've taken time off. You didn't not post because you were traveling, you just didn't post because you didn't. There's no crime in that. Really.
Acknowledge your audience by noting your absence, but dive right back in the pool. We're all busy. No excuses, please.
Posted by Leo Bottary | June 8, 2008 11:35 PM
Posted on June 8, 2008 23:35
Leo:
You're god damned right. No excuses. I'm back in the pool, and who cares why I was out!
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | June 9, 2008 10:28 AM
Posted on June 9, 2008 10:28
That's what I'm talkin' about!!!
Posted by Leo Bottary | June 9, 2008 6:07 PM
Posted on June 9, 2008 18:07
But WHY he was out... or at least how the time started... was so funny!
Welcome back, Steve!
Posted by Beth | June 10, 2008 8:04 AM
Posted on June 10, 2008 08:04
Shucks, I thought you were going to say that after listening to the Marsh Brothers Band's "The Way We Like It" CD, you'd rethought your entire life and gone on the road to follow the band around the country. Then I remembered that we don't actually gig that often ... or outside the DC metro area ever.
Ah, well, great to have you back ... and I'm with Amy. Exercise is dangerous.
Greg
Posted by Greg Marsh | June 10, 2008 1:42 PM
Posted on June 10, 2008 13:42
The real reason for Steve's absence is this headline from an unnamed Chicago newsmagazine:
Shower Shocker!
Hairless man's nude seizure stuns morning muscle-heads at Bally's
Posted by Robert J Holland, ABC | June 10, 2008 2:24 PM
Posted on June 10, 2008 14:24
Robert: Nice one!
But, are they REALLY calling the Enquirer a "newspaper" these days??
;-)
Posted by Kristen | June 10, 2008 8:37 PM
Posted on June 10, 2008 20:37
Hey Steve
I caught you at the pre summit workshop in London, and am now inspired to blog. So this is the first time I have blogged anywhere, ever! (and yes I do work for a company with ‘communications’ in the title).
Keep up the good work!
Rob
Posted by Rob | June 11, 2008 8:07 AM
Posted on June 11, 2008 08:07
Hey, Rob!!
Welcome to the blogosphere!!!! Please come out and play here at Corporate Hallucinations often . . . we've got a crazy bunch of kooks out here . . . and some very funny people.
Cheers!
Steve C.
Posted by Steve C. | June 11, 2008 4:34 PM
Posted on June 11, 2008 16:34