This just in from a colleague and alumnus of the Ragan Fellowship program: A query from a freelance writer seeking “business words” to help re-educate stay-at-home moms and dads who are rejoining the work force.

That’s right. This writer wants to help returning workers get up to speed by teaching them how to speak mumble mouth.

“There is an entire language in the business world . . . ,” she writes. “I’m looking for a business ‘language lesson’ of some of the basics.”

In other words, jargon. Crapola. Ca-ca. Communicators spend every waking hour trying to rid their organizations of corporate-speak, and along comes someone who wants people to relearn this nonsense so they can fit in at the office.

Some of those words, our correspondent confides, make her cringe when they are used incorrectly, “though they are acceptable to those in the workplace.”

“Words like ‘effort’ in place of ‘try,’ as in ‘I am efforting a solution to that problem.’”

Efforting a solution? That’s acceptable to people in the workplace? Not to anyone I know.

But what the hell. If this writer thinks that men and women trapped in “Kidspeak” need a refresher, I’m only too willing to help. Here’s my quick tutorial of stay-at-home speak turned into flowing, gurgling corporatese:

1. “Time to go beddie-bye.”
“We’ve got some surplus capacity we need to re-engineer to position ourselves for positive growth.”

2. You ate every bite for papa! Such a big boy.”
“I am continually amazed at the wealth and talent we have in this organization.”

3. “Mommy wuvs her little boopsie.”
“People are our greatest asset.”

4. “There, there. Shhh. It’s OK. Mommy’s here” (best accompanied with patting and burping).
“We face some unique challenges and opportunities in the near term” (best accompanied by liquor).

5. “Did someone go poopies?!”
“I see that you’re efforting a solution to that problem.”

Welcome back, people. And stay out of my sandbox.